I have attached the parts catalog diagram from BMW.
I just wanted to give an update on this as I couldn't get the right connection for a software upgrade.
I actually had to use parts 1, 2, 3, 4 in the diagram to get a good optical connection. Two of the cables (1 in diagram) part #61120142318, Two of the pin contact (2 in diagram) part #61136901847, Two of the pin contact (3 in diagram) part #61136901846 and one connector housing (4 in diagram) part #61136906535.
Hope this helps anyone else with BMW Assist going down this path.