Update. We didn't pull the oil pan because we didn't want to commit to that yet. We checked all the pulleys and they all seem to be fine. We are going to change out the timing tensioner. It may be a shot in the dark, but it's cheap.
For comical relief - I have been driving around a 175 hp Chrysler 200 in the mean time. That car sucks. The car gets worse gas mileage than my ~500hp 335i. I hate that thing. Luckily, I rarely need to drive anywhere, just to meetings. Maybe it's time to get a second car, although it will just sit most of the time.
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