I feel a lot of the issues with this car stem from the restrictive emissions that BMW has implemented in order to make it a "clean diesel". My 2009 335d has only 24,000 kms on it but two months ago they replaced my air intake manifold due to carbon build-up. Thankfully I had bought extended warranty a few weeks before that because it would have cost me almost $2000 after parts/labour. I only owe $3,000 on the car so right now I have no real issues and love it but I do know where your rage stems from. Trust me. I know.
If issues persist, I know of a local guy that can do a DPF delete. I'll do the whole removal of EGR and right down to the urea if I have to.