I was in the exact position as you with the same wants out of a suspension for my xi. I wanted to lower the car, but not slam it. I wanted a slightly stiffer suspension, but not bone jarring over ever imperfection in the road. I never track my car either. I know you said that you don't want KW V1's, but I would suggest you reconsider. (KW V3's would be a lot harsher.) See if anyone in NJ has that setup and is willing to take you for a ride.
Here's my post of what I was looking for (and not looking for) in a suspension upgrade. Let me know if you have any questions about it