I'm one luck-ass motherf***er.
So my waste gates had been rattling since I got the car at 54k miles. Then Chapman BMW applied the "fix" by flashing the lag-inducing software update. So it quit rattling. Years went by and just this last weekend my car started acting like it had no turbo power when I floor it (and the low-power engine light would display). So I bring it in to Chapman and they find a vacuum leak in the engine through a smoke test. $200. I pay em, pick it back up, and floor it again on the next open road I hit and the same damn issue occurs.
I bring it back and this time they decide it's the waste gate actuator arms are too loose so the turbos are not able to build boost. Now I didn't have any clue about this warranty extension. When I was told the turbos needed to be replaced I was freaking out (it was what I had been dreading). But then she tells me about the 82k miles warranty extension and that I have - get this - 81,700 miles on my car. She said I'm getting both the turbos replaced and it's completely covered. Man what a relief. After reading these forums I knew to tell her to reprogram my car to remove the lag behavior introduced from their previous update. She talked to her tech guy and told me they will. None of it cost me a dime.
Got it back yesterday and she's like a brand new car. So now, obviously, I need to drive it Vegas.