In terms of your car, you said you've asked the dealer not to wash it. But did you clarify if they will be leaving all the plastic on the paint? Will they be removing the cosmoline for you? Clarify what exactly they will be doing to your car once it is delivered. You should be OK if you let them remove the plastic and clean off the cosmoline (otherwise you can do it yourself when you bring the car home). Once they do those two things (as well as the interior), you can then take it from there by washing, claying, cleaning and protecting the paint. As for what you should do, I'd say Z7 wash, clay, 1xZAIO, and 1xZ2 (no need for ZFX). And that's it.
For your wifes 4runner, it will all depend on the condition of the paint. If it's in good shape (no swirls, etc) then you can use the same process as you will be doing on the BMW.