This was my first (and hopefully only) time having stomach flu... I woke up at least 7 times to either puke or think I'm going to crap myself, but only get massive farts several times throughout the night ("fart that cried shit", like "boy who cried wolf")... I'm light-headed, dizzy, nauseous, and with almost no sleep, I'm exhausted with a massive headache. I tried to call in sick, but the dumb-as-a-stick manager was only made one out of seniority, not merit. Since it was the 2 of us that day and she had "a lot of important things to do", she threatened to fire me if I didn't go (I was 19, living paycheck-to-paycheck and didn't know about "wrongful termination lawsuits").
So another first (that I can at least recall): Falling down a flight of stairs... I scratched myself up and bruised my head, but I marched on. Not knowing that the stomach flu meant you can't eat/drink normally, I stopped at 7-Eleven and quenched my massive thirst downing a 32-oz bottle of Gatorade like
The Fox and got a sandwich, then took ALL my mental focus to drive to work. Not even 5 minutes later, I stoped at a restaurant, but my body didn't even want to wait 2 seconds to reach the toilet, so most of the red Gatorade went all over the floor... So awkward part #1 was trying to leave with a straight face.
I finally stumble into work looking like a zombie; my face was pale and still banged up... No "good morning", no "how are you feeling"; she puts me straight to work and tries to say I'm putting on an act. WHAT. THE. FUCK? After 3 more "fart who cried shit" incidents (7th time in total), I figured the 8th one was just that and walked 5 feet to the back entrance to let 'er rip instead of 200 ft to the restroom. Welp, let's just say my 3rd 1st time of the day (since I was at least a toddler) was shitting my pants... Awkward moment #2.
So Femnazi is FINALLY convinced I'm sick, I stumbled back to the restroom to clean myself up, stuffed my clothes in a bag and surrounded my "situation" with a black garbage bag. Awkward Moment #3: She decides to try (and fail) to give me some dignity (but also threatened me if I didn't comply). After waiting in the bathroom for 20 minutes, she finds the only thing that'll probably fit: A FRICKIN' SKIRT. Floral drawstring skirt. REALLY?!?
I'd take it... If I was a girl, or if I didn't have to walk 1/4 mile to the employee parking lot on the other side of the plaza, but she wasn't taking no for an answer, nor did she want to take the $20 I offered her to go to the Ross in the same plaza and buy me a set of pants... I eventually called my friend to buy a set.