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      02-08-2011, 10:59 PM   #37
woosh
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Drives: Canyonero SUV
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Sydney

Posts: 2,136
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OK I have a few saved up from being on a lot of Aussie car forums over the last 3/4 decade. These aren't meant to be racial slurs, I just think they're damn funny!

Sing this to the tune of barbie girl:

I'm a Lebo Guy,
In my Gemini,
I've got cousins,
By the Dozens
You can brush my hair
I've got it everywhere
Occupation
Workers Compensation

Comeon Ali
Lets go party

My life is full of crime
I steal all the time
All my brothers
They're all robbers
My hair full of gel
And i always smell
You can pay cash
For i will sell you hash

Destination
Lekemba Station

Comeon Ali
Drive your taxi
Comeon Ali
Drive your taxi


Lakemba Boys High School
Maths Exam
Name:
Gang:
1. Mohammad has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attend before reloading?
2. Omar has 2 ounces of cocaine and if he sells an "eight ball" to Habib for $320 and 2 grams to Akhmed for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of cocaine if he doesn't cut it?
3. Quang is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 per trick how many tricks will each girl have to turn per day to support Quang's $800 per day crack habit?
4. Nabil wants to cut his half pound of heroin to make 20% more profit, how many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Chang gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Commodore, $100 for a Ford. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 Fords, how many Commodores will he have to steal to make $800?
6. Trinh is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit, his Common Law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money has he got left when he gets out?
7. If the Average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter uses 8 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans?
8. Hamil knocked up 6 girls in his gang, there are 27 girls in his gang, what percent has Hamil knocked up?
9. The population of Lakemba is 86,000, the number of police is 43, what are the odds of the person watching you being a member of the police force?
10. If you get 2 years for armed robbery, 6 months for rape, 3 months for assaulting a nightclub bouncer, actually how long would you spend behind bars if you were:

a) A Turk ______ hours
b) Iranian ______ hours
c) Lebanese ______ hours
d) Aboriginal _______ years
e) Aussie _______ months
f) Asian ______ months

END OF EXAM

Wog IQ test

You have approximately 1 hour to answer the following questions. No calculators, mobile phones, laptop computers, mainframe computers, geiger counters, electrolysis kits or chiko rolls my be used during the exam.

1. If Mahammad lowers his WRX 2 inches front and back and puts on stolen 18-inch zepter wheels how many inches has he originally lost from the stock suspension?

2. If Con needs 3 razors a day to stay clean shaved how many razors would he need before he goes to the gym at 6pm?

3. If Mustafa runs 10 km from the police in Lakemba to punchbowl and steals a car and drives another 5 km to Bankstown, how many kilometres has he travelled if he ends up hiding in Wiley Park?

4. If ahmed receives a $200 a week disability allowance from Centrelink and works with his brother as a builder and receives a further $400 a week, and pays $10 a week for each of his 11 children for school, how much money does he have left to buy a smashed Tarago from the auctions?

5. If Mario’s dad has his top 3 buttons of his shirt open and reveals 1 golden cross and 2 other golden ornaments, and has approximately 17 sq cm of hair coming from his chest with an average height of 2 cm, what is the probability that the ornaments will be visible from:2 feet away _________%5 feet away _________%100 Feet away _________%

6. If Soula needs 25ml of wax a day to get rid of her facial her, and Soula is only 19, how many mills will her mum need if she is 47?

7. If Bilal gets a haircut and gets a number 2 on the sides and number 3 on the top then goes back 3 weeks later and gets a number 1 all round, how much has his hair grown in 3 weeks? (Assume that his hair grows evenly at a rate of 2mm per day)

8. If George has $12,000 and buys 2 smashed cars from the auctions how much will it cost him to fix them if Ahmed his friend from school is a panel beater and charges him Habib rates of $40 an hour?

9. If Sam boosts his turbo on his 200sx to 22psi and puts a chip to aggregate the turbo to 17psi on weekends, what pressure is exerted on the turbo if he puts another standard Nissan turbo and runs the twin turbo’s only on Sunday nights at Brighton?

10. If Greg Smith hears the word "yullah" approximately 55 times an hour in Bankstown square how many times will hear the word “mate” in Penrith, if Bankstown has a population of 85,000 and Penrith has a population of 10,000?

11. If you’re Father normally buys 1 item of clothing a year. How many years must pass before he gets around to buying a second pair of pants.

12. If luigi drives his family and his cousins all in one car from Leichhardt to Stanmore how many round trips will he need to make if 40 of his relatives need a lift and he can put 12 people in his valiant at any one given time?

13. If Leyla has to move her eyes 50 degrees to the right when doing her maths HSC to see Julie Wilson's answers, how many degrees will she have to move her head if Michelle, Linda and Lisa are sitting 1 meter apart from Julie?

14. If Jim changes the oil in his fish and chip shops deep fryer every 18 months and this costs him $400. How often should he change his oil if he wants to spend on average a total of $180 per annum on oil changes?

15. If Abdul runs a kebab shop and is a taxi driver on weekends and earns $1,200 a week how much does Centrelink give him for his unemployment benefit?

16. If Ahmed uses 1kg of bog to fix his smashed car, how many cans of spray paint will he need if hardware house is selling them for $9 each, and each can has 850ml and the ambient air temperature averages at 22.5 degrees Celsius.

17. If Effie's mum sells her galaktoboureko for $2 a slice and she wants to make an extra 10% profit on each slice how many sheets of filo pastry will she leave out if filo pastry costs 62c a sheet and she normally used 17 sheets on each tray which she cuts into 16 slices.

18. If Julie Smith buys 3 slices of ham, 4 slices of Devon, and 2 slices of chicken from the deli for her kids for school lunch, how many kilos correspondingly will Viola buy for her children?

19. If Bankstown’s ethnic community is increasing at 3.5% a month, and its overall population at 2.1% a month, at what rate are the Aussies leaving?

END OF EXAM

This Week's TV Guide For Baghdad

MONDAYS:
7:30 The Mohammed Bunch
8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show
10:00 Allah McBeal

TUESDAYS:
8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror
8:30 The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right
9:00 Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things
9:30 Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
10:00 Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 U.S. Military Secrets Revealed
8:30 When Kurds Attack
9:00 Two Guys, a Girl, and a Fatwah
9:30 Just Shoot Me
10:00 Veilwatch

THURSDAYS:
8:00 Matima Loves Chachi
8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses
9:30 My Two Baghdad's
10:00 Diagnosis: Heresy

FRIDAYS:
8:00 Everybody Loves Saddam Or He'll Have Them Shot
8:30 Only Our Will and Grace From God Can Keep Us From Touching Each Other
9:00 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things
9:30 Iraqi's Funniest Home Invasions
10:00 Achmed's Creek
11:00 Matloc



edit: damn these are ten years old! lol

Last edited by woosh; 02-08-2011 at 11:17 PM.
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