The difference in the sensor between the 2009 and 2012 are mostly in the frequency that they use for communication, though there is a slight difference in size. As far as the size, there shouldn't be a problem, the valve stem angle is adjustable by loosening the torx retention screw and the cavity in the wheel barrel should accommodate both.
If you use the proper sensors for your vehicle (older generation, not newest generation) you should not need a dealer to reset your sensors, you can reset it through your iDrive or steering column lever.
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