[tshoww]

Originally Posted by 1sikbmr

You have a job, a car, a place to live, a wife and 2 children all of which you are taking care of. I consider that successful my man.

Thank you I am successful in those departments at this time being, now looking for accomplishments outside those departments as well

Originally Posted by Nang Vann

I agree, you're doin pretty good i reckon. Maybe you just gotta relax your mind, always be grateful and take things one day at a time.

Agreed, one day at a time. I'm young my success will eventually come as I like to think of myself as a hard worker.

Originally Posted by Masterplan

+1 your holding it all together a lot better than many other people out there. I'd say your also pretty successful

Very true because a lot of people don't have a job, a family, or a car.

Originally Posted by 954Stealth

You have a family, have held a job through a bad economic downturn, an education and Internet access not mention a BMW: I think your perception of yourself and your self esteem need to be worked on. Just because your not a self-made millionaire, won a noble prize and read about yourself in the Times doesn't mean your not successful. Dont compare yourself to others as we are all on different paths through life. Take control over how you feel about yourself and you won't feel like a "victim". You're still young, OP, and making (based in what I read) sound responsible choices. Keep up the good work!

I think that is my problem is I compare myself to others. I like to think the whole world revolves around me. My bosses at work are much older then me and it took them time to get there I just wish I was there now. Thank you!

Originally Posted by yakev724

I'm also 21 and don't feel successful by any stretch. I believe success to be relative and probably won't feel successful until I've secured a comfortable lifestyle for myself and my future family, hopefully by my mid-30s. I think I've always set high standards for myself and they've motivated me since I was a kid. I was lucky--my dad is wired the same way and I think he passed that on.

Confidence and self-esteem, however, really shouldn't be affected by your measure of success at 21. They'll come naturally after you notice a prolonged commitment to your goals begin to pay off.

This leads me to the main point--the issue of motivation and success I've seen in many people I've met is a mental one. People look for short-term payoffs or changes and don't want to think several years down the line. They are quick to abandon commitments because they look for immediate change in their lives and when they don't realize it, they go back to how they were before.

You need to imagine exactly where you want to be at 25, at 30, etc., to consider yourself successful. Do some research and make it realistic based on your background and skills/knowledge. Then plan out what needs to happen and when for you to come closer to realizing those goals, and change your lifestyle to work towards them, little by little, each day. Confidence in yourself will build once you begin to notice the results of your work (might take weeks/months before you might look back and realize how far you've come). This will also help you to stay focused and motivated.

Finally, a healthier lifestyle will allow you to be more productive and to accomplish much more each day. This is key and often overlooked, and will be hugely difficult for you with young kids. Eat unprocessed food, run every day, get in shape. Work on your social and conversational skills, hold conversations with people you typically wouldn't. Follow the news and learn about topics you typically don't. Avoid unproductive (time and cost) hobbies. Think of your spending each time you do so (especially important with your 2 kids - time value of money is extremely high for you).

With the obstacles you have, you have it especially difficult. The rate at which you progress towards your goals might be 20-30% of what it could be otherwise. But you need to also realize that you'll come out much stronger and better prepared to deal with stress and other constraints because of it, regardless of where you wish to end up.

I think the goal of setting objective based success is a great idea. Where I want to be at 25 is a good starting point, thank you for that idea. As far the healthier lifestyle I believe I am pretty healthy. Work out 3-4 times a week and eat relatively low fat foods, barely soda only on occasion but it definitely helps to have a healthy lifestyle. I like the following the news part because even though I do go on yahoo and cnn everyday it would be more beneficial to actually do some research on more topics. Thanks for the great advice.

Originally Posted by Simsims

son

success is relative.

Compared to some, you're at the bottom of the pit.
Compared to others, you're wealthy.

Know what you have, accept it, live happy, but always look for more. That's the positive attitude.

This is very true thank you

Originally Posted by Wolf

Could be worse. Don't focus on where are you now, invest in your future and on your long run. Trust me I know

Yeah I see school as an investment so now it is a waiting game, just have to be a go getter rather than sit back and wait for things to come because that will never happen.

Originally Posted by Echo M3

In some ways, you are more successful than me. You have children, a woman that you love, and presumably a home.

On paper, I'm considered a relatively 'successful' person already. I'm a graduate student, and (assuming I make it through the rest of school) will soon be entering a lucrative, fulfilling profession without any concerns about employment or finances in the long run. A profession that many dream about, for them and their children.

But at what cost? I'm 25, at the prime of my life, and yet I have no life outside my chosen career. I work 12-14 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. Sometimes more, including overnight, and sometimes less. When I'm not working, I'm studying for classes. When I'm not studying for classes, I'm doing research. When I'm not doing research, I'm preparing for my board exam. And what do I have to look forward to? Increasing work hours for the next 4-6 years, at a minimum. Example: I'm working on the 4th of July. Till midnight.

Forget about hobbies; how will I have time to meet that special person, start a family, and even have time to enjoy with them?

"Success" has a price. Take a look at what your priorities are in life, before you try to pursue success. Best of luck to you.

Thank you, those hours sound rough but for most people that make a decent salary have to sacrifice other things. When you retire, hopefully you do with a good pension if they are still offered then it will be all worth it. The only thing I am missing is a "home" I live in a condo that my parents own and we pay rent but it isn't mine yet because I can't get a mortgage quite yet to buy it off them

Originally Posted by Turbo>NA

The sad things is its all about money. If op made another 50k$ on the side, he or we wouldn't be depressed. If you are mentally strong enough then those things won't matter and you will enjoy the simple joys of life. Wine, wife, life, and weather.

It comes down to money and how much more you can make. I know people who make 6 figures and are still unhappy and I know some who make 400$ a week and are happy.

Money is a factor in a lot of cases. If I was making $50k a year now i'm sure I would be happier then making $35k but I wouldn't consider my self successful unless I had a mortgage, paid off my student debt, etc...

Originally Posted by DARK_M3

Hi there. I'm 40. I have 5 kids. The oldest, 20. The youngest, 1. On second wife. I just have one question for you...


WTF were/are you thinking?!

Nothing ever goes how it was planned. I didn't want to be a young dad at 21 but it all fell in place and I am trying to make the best out of my situation

Originally Posted by DARK_M3

Mid 6 figures here... can never seem to get ahead. Fuckin broke most of the time.

Money doesn't equal jack shit. Piece of mind and being happy with who you are are priceless.

Yes being confident and having that piece of mind does certainly help

Originally Posted by MediaArtist

When I was 21, I was taking the bus to campus, my room was maybe 200 sqft, shared a kitchen/bathroom (5 students on the floor all sharing the same bathroom).

I didn't have a girlfriend, worked as a math tutor, and student registration assistant, and at a vietnamese pho place. I even teamed up with other poor students to do "meal" nights where we would make a meal from combined ingredients we would all pitch in. My grocery bill per month was sub-$60.

I didn't have a car until I was about 6 months into graduate school. I was happy, and enjoyed living the student life.

You're doing pretty good. It all depends on how you judge success. One of my closest associates lives in a $1.5 million bedroom luxury apartment in West Hollywood. He's in his mid-40s, no kids, no family in the area, and thinks his life is awesome. Myself, I think that's a nightmare being a father myself.

Love the wife, appreciate the kids. Friends, well, trust me you will make a lot of friends later in life.

You went through a struggle and now you sound comfortable in your life. The guy with no kids, no family in the area sounds like a nightmare to myself as well even if he has a lot of money.

Originally Posted by BMWinNorthdakota

r3cKoNize= $30,000 Millionaire G

Exactly!

Originally Posted by e90sexion

at least you married a girl you wanted and you have family.

True, a lot of people can't find love or don't have family or both. Successful in that department.