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I'm also 21 and don't feel successful by any stretch. I believe success to be relative and probably won't feel successful until I've secured a comfortable lifestyle for myself and my future family, hopefully by my mid-30s. I think I've always set high standards for myself and they've motivated me since I was a kid. I was lucky--my dad is wired the same way and I think he passed that on.
Confidence and self-esteem, however, really shouldn't be affected by your measure of success at 21. They'll come naturally after you notice a prolonged commitment to your goals begin to pay off.
This leads me to the main point--the issue of motivation and success I've seen in many people I've met is a mental one. People look for short-term payoffs or changes and don't want to think several years down the line. They are quick to abandon commitments because they look for immediate change in their lives and when they don't realize it, they go back to how they were before.
You need to imagine exactly where you want to be at 25, at 30, etc., to consider yourself successful. Do some research and make it realistic based on your background and skills/knowledge. Then plan out what needs to happen and when for you to come closer to realizing those goals, and change your lifestyle to work towards them, little by little, each day. Confidence in yourself will build once you begin to notice the results of your work (might take weeks/months before you might look back and realize how far you've come). This will also help you to stay focused and motivated.
Finally, a healthier lifestyle will allow you to be more productive and to accomplish much more each day. This is key and often overlooked, and will be hugely difficult for you with young kids. Eat unprocessed food, run every day, get in shape. Work on your social and conversational skills, hold conversations with people you typically wouldn't. Follow the news and learn about topics you typically don't. Avoid unproductive (time and cost) hobbies. Think of your spending each time you do so (especially important with your 2 kids - time value of money is extremely high for you).
With the obstacles you have, you have it especially difficult. The rate at which you progress towards your goals might be 20-30% of what it could be otherwise. But you need to also realize that you'll come out much stronger and better prepared to deal with stress and other constraints because of it, regardless of where you wish to end up.
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