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1 is a characteristic of the USB only connection. The head unit has to index your entire music collection and that may take time. With the Y-cable, you use the indexing already in the iPod and it comes up quickly.
6: The Y-cable is a specific BMW part so I wouldn't expect the Apple store (or anybody else outside BMW) to have it.
With the Y-cable the iPod handles playing internally so I would expect your items 2-5 to operate the same as the iPod standalone. (With USB only, the head unit sees the iPod simply as a very large MP3 CD and you're stuck with the (poor) BMW implementation.)
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