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      08-14-2011, 04:37 PM   #1
m1bjr
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Moral Dilemma

I was recently wondering bout an old pal whom I haven't seen for a few years.
Not up there in the 'best mate of all time' catagory, but we did share some fun times and generally got on well as pals.
We have both moved/relocated and a lucky break led me to someone who knew them...

This third person sent me a link to a newspaper story where I read that my pal is banged up for years for causing death my dangerous driving.
The context is not relevant to this question, the court found them guilty so either way they are being punished.

A part of me wants to ask for a VO and make contact.
The other equal part fills me with dread and wonders if I should judt let it slide into history.

What would you do and why?

S.
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      08-14-2011, 04:53 PM   #2
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IF its an old mate... no harm in getting in touch and seeing how he is.

Though if u not seen him in a while might seem like u only wanna go visit him to talk about what he did.

Just my opinion mind.
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      08-14-2011, 05:42 PM   #3
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As above,the answer lies in why you wanna go visit him?sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie as they say. If you were thinking of rekindling the friendship before you heard of this then go for it.

After all,friendship is for life...
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      08-14-2011, 06:30 PM   #4
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Personally I would not make contact, if he was a really good friend then yes otherwise why bother.
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      08-15-2011, 03:01 AM   #5
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Personally I would not make contact, if he was a really good friend then yes otherwise why bother.
+1, He probably wouldn't accept your VO anyway. Would you want to see someone from your past and have them come visit you in prison. Obviously I don't know the chap but I would be pretty embarrassed and feel very uncomfortable in either situation be it him or you.
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      08-15-2011, 03:03 AM   #6
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I would make contact. He might need a friend now more than ever.

Obviously I don't know the story but causing death by DD could have just been an accident.
I once got it wrong round a fast bend in the wet and my sideways sliding Passat missed a cyclist by only a few feet. I would probably have been banged up for similar.
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      08-15-2011, 03:13 AM   #7
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Contact him. It could mean the world to him: Or he could refuse it. What's the harm in spending a couple hours to see what happens?

IMHO
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      08-15-2011, 03:17 AM   #8
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I think you can only answer it yourself because of the feelings that only you are privvy to. If you hadn't seen him for ages then why now? Is it because you can support him or because of a vicarious fascination? Only you could possibly answer that.
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      08-15-2011, 03:54 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by m1bjr View Post
I was recently wondering bout an old pal whom I haven't seen for a few years.
Not up there in the 'best mate of all time' catagory, but we did share some fun times and generally got on well as pals.
We have both moved/relocated and a lucky break led me to someone who knew them...

This third person sent me a link to a newspaper story where I read that my pal is banged up for years for causing death my dangerous driving.
The context is not relevant to this question, the court found them guilty so either way they are being punished.

A part of me wants to ask for a VO and make contact.
The other equal part fills me with dread and wonders if I should judt let it slide into history.

What would you do and why?

S.
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      08-15-2011, 04:46 AM   #10
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Quote:
Not up there in the 'best mate of all time' catagory
This would answer it for me.
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      08-15-2011, 04:59 AM   #11
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The fact you're asking means that you feel you should make contact but don't really want to.

Theres your answer.
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      08-15-2011, 05:48 AM   #12
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ive had a similar scenario quite recently, and the friend facebooked me and got my number from somewhere, but i ignored it.

although I felt drawn to making contact, after what happened (stole enough stuff from me to be jailed) I decided that id given him enough chances to be a mate.

however, if what he did hadnt actually affected you directly which sounds like its the case, then Id be inclined to make contact and see where it goes. you only live once.
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      08-15-2011, 07:39 AM   #13
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You could write to him instead, say that you had been meaning to look him up a long time ago but then only just discovered what had happened. Say you hope he's ok
etc and see if he responds.
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      08-15-2011, 08:06 AM   #14
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Send him some soap on a rope so he never drops it in the showers.
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      08-15-2011, 08:09 AM   #15
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I wonder if you're allowed soap on a rope, you could argue that the rope might be used for suicide, but then if it is covered in soap you would probably just keep slipping out of the noose??
It's a tricky one.
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      08-15-2011, 01:16 PM   #16
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Trust you two clowns
Did make me chuckle out loud at the end of a serious page.

Indeed, this chaps actions had no impact upon me at all. I dont know anyone else involved in the accident, they were strangers to both of us.

I was about to contact the bloke before I got this info, as given both of our hobbies we would likely run into each other in the near future.
It seemed rude, and a little lazy to make so many excuses for letting friendships lapse as its all to common.
Separated by distance and busy lives I think we all might have 'neglected' some friends over the years - life is mad these days.

So I have absolutely no morbid fascination for the detail, I know what happened and as chris s1 implies- 'there but for the grace of God go I' etc.
What changes things is knowing he's taken a life for one - and that is hard to get ones head around.
I cannot predict how he will react to a VO, as KadeSdad suggests it might be taken out of context as AFAIK you cannot add a covering note!

Tony may have the suggestion that is best for me, but I have no idea where hes locked up. How would I find this out?
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      08-15-2011, 01:39 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by m1bjr View Post
I was about to contact the bloke before I got this info, as given both of our hobbies we would likely run into each other in the near future.

I must resist!! I must resist!!


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      08-15-2011, 01:50 PM   #18
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Send him some soap on a rope so he never drops it in the showers.
U again!
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      08-15-2011, 01:50 PM   #19
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Quote:
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I must resist!! I must resist!!


I deleted the bit about 'coming across each other'
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