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      07-04-2012, 02:14 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by 1sikbmr View Post
You have a job, a car, a place to live, a wife and 2 children all of which you are taking care of. I consider that successful my man.
Thank you I am successful in those departments at this time being, now looking for accomplishments outside those departments as well

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Originally Posted by Nang Vann View Post
I agree, you're doin pretty good i reckon. Maybe you just gotta relax your mind, always be grateful and take things one day at a time.
Agreed, one day at a time. I'm young my success will eventually come as I like to think of myself as a hard worker.

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Originally Posted by Masterplan View Post
+1 your holding it all together a lot better than many other people out there. I'd say your also pretty successful
Very true because a lot of people don't have a job, a family, or a car.

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Originally Posted by 954Stealth View Post
You have a family, have held a job through a bad economic downturn, an education and Internet access not mention a BMW: I think your perception of yourself and your self esteem need to be worked on. Just because your not a self-made millionaire, won a noble prize and read about yourself in the Times doesn't mean your not successful. Dont compare yourself to others as we are all on different paths through life. Take control over how you feel about yourself and you won't feel like a "victim". You're still young, OP, and making (based in what I read) sound responsible choices. Keep up the good work!
I think that is my problem is I compare myself to others. I like to think the whole world revolves around me. My bosses at work are much older then me and it took them time to get there I just wish I was there now. Thank you!

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Originally Posted by yakev724 View Post
I'm also 21 and don't feel successful by any stretch. I believe success to be relative and probably won't feel successful until I've secured a comfortable lifestyle for myself and my future family, hopefully by my mid-30s. I think I've always set high standards for myself and they've motivated me since I was a kid. I was lucky--my dad is wired the same way and I think he passed that on.

Confidence and self-esteem, however, really shouldn't be affected by your measure of success at 21. They'll come naturally after you notice a prolonged commitment to your goals begin to pay off.

This leads me to the main point--the issue of motivation and success I've seen in many people I've met is a mental one. People look for short-term payoffs or changes and don't want to think several years down the line. They are quick to abandon commitments because they look for immediate change in their lives and when they don't realize it, they go back to how they were before.

You need to imagine exactly where you want to be at 25, at 30, etc., to consider yourself successful. Do some research and make it realistic based on your background and skills/knowledge. Then plan out what needs to happen and when for you to come closer to realizing those goals, and change your lifestyle to work towards them, little by little, each day. Confidence in yourself will build once you begin to notice the results of your work (might take weeks/months before you might look back and realize how far you've come). This will also help you to stay focused and motivated.

Finally, a healthier lifestyle will allow you to be more productive and to accomplish much more each day. This is key and often overlooked, and will be hugely difficult for you with young kids. Eat unprocessed food, run every day, get in shape. Work on your social and conversational skills, hold conversations with people you typically wouldn't. Follow the news and learn about topics you typically don't. Avoid unproductive (time and cost) hobbies. Think of your spending each time you do so (especially important with your 2 kids - time value of money is extremely high for you).

With the obstacles you have, you have it especially difficult. The rate at which you progress towards your goals might be 20-30% of what it could be otherwise. But you need to also realize that you'll come out much stronger and better prepared to deal with stress and other constraints because of it, regardless of where you wish to end up.
I think the goal of setting objective based success is a great idea. Where I want to be at 25 is a good starting point, thank you for that idea. As far the healthier lifestyle I believe I am pretty healthy. Work out 3-4 times a week and eat relatively low fat foods, barely soda only on occasion but it definitely helps to have a healthy lifestyle. I like the following the news part because even though I do go on yahoo and cnn everyday it would be more beneficial to actually do some research on more topics. Thanks for the great advice.

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Originally Posted by Simsims View Post
son

success is relative.

Compared to some, you're at the bottom of the pit.
Compared to others, you're wealthy.

Know what you have, accept it, live happy, but always look for more. That's the positive attitude.
This is very true thank you

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Originally Posted by Wolf View Post
Could be worse. Don't focus on where are you now, invest in your future and on your long run. Trust me I know
Yeah I see school as an investment so now it is a waiting game, just have to be a go getter rather than sit back and wait for things to come because that will never happen.

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Originally Posted by Echo M3 View Post
In some ways, you are more successful than me. You have children, a woman that you love, and presumably a home.

On paper, I'm considered a relatively 'successful' person already. I'm a graduate student, and (assuming I make it through the rest of school) will soon be entering a lucrative, fulfilling profession without any concerns about employment or finances in the long run. A profession that many dream about, for them and their children.

But at what cost? I'm 25, at the prime of my life, and yet I have no life outside my chosen career. I work 12-14 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. Sometimes more, including overnight, and sometimes less. When I'm not working, I'm studying for classes. When I'm not studying for classes, I'm doing research. When I'm not doing research, I'm preparing for my board exam. And what do I have to look forward to? Increasing work hours for the next 4-6 years, at a minimum. Example: I'm working on the 4th of July. Till midnight.

Forget about hobbies; how will I have time to meet that special person, start a family, and even have time to enjoy with them?

"Success" has a price. Take a look at what your priorities are in life, before you try to pursue success. Best of luck to you.
Thank you, those hours sound rough but for most people that make a decent salary have to sacrifice other things. When you retire, hopefully you do with a good pension if they are still offered then it will be all worth it. The only thing I am missing is a "home" I live in a condo that my parents own and we pay rent but it isn't mine yet because I can't get a mortgage quite yet to buy it off them

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Originally Posted by Turbo>NA View Post
The sad things is its all about money. If op made another 50k$ on the side, he or we wouldn't be depressed. If you are mentally strong enough then those things won't matter and you will enjoy the simple joys of life. Wine, wife, life, and weather.

It comes down to money and how much more you can make. I know people who make 6 figures and are still unhappy and I know some who make 400$ a week and are happy.
Money is a factor in a lot of cases. If I was making $50k a year now i'm sure I would be happier then making $35k but I wouldn't consider my self successful unless I had a mortgage, paid off my student debt, etc...

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Originally Posted by DARK_M3 View Post
Hi there. I'm 40. I have 5 kids. The oldest, 20. The youngest, 1. On second wife. I just have one question for you...


WTF were/are you thinking?!
Nothing ever goes how it was planned. I didn't want to be a young dad at 21 but it all fell in place and I am trying to make the best out of my situation

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Originally Posted by DARK_M3 View Post
Mid 6 figures here... can never seem to get ahead. Fuckin broke most of the time.

Money doesn't equal jack shit. Piece of mind and being happy with who you are are priceless.
Yes being confident and having that piece of mind does certainly help

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Originally Posted by MediaArtist View Post
When I was 21, I was taking the bus to campus, my room was maybe 200 sqft, shared a kitchen/bathroom (5 students on the floor all sharing the same bathroom).

I didn't have a girlfriend, worked as a math tutor, and student registration assistant, and at a vietnamese pho place. I even teamed up with other poor students to do "meal" nights where we would make a meal from combined ingredients we would all pitch in. My grocery bill per month was sub-$60.

I didn't have a car until I was about 6 months into graduate school. I was happy, and enjoyed living the student life.

You're doing pretty good. It all depends on how you judge success. One of my closest associates lives in a $1.5 million bedroom luxury apartment in West Hollywood. He's in his mid-40s, no kids, no family in the area, and thinks his life is awesome. Myself, I think that's a nightmare being a father myself.

Love the wife, appreciate the kids. Friends, well, trust me you will make a lot of friends later in life.
You went through a struggle and now you sound comfortable in your life. The guy with no kids, no family in the area sounds like a nightmare to myself as well even if he has a lot of money.

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Originally Posted by BMWinNorthdakota View Post
r3cKoNize= $30,000 Millionaire G
Exactly!

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Originally Posted by e90sexion View Post
at least you married a girl you wanted and you have family.
True, a lot of people can't find love or don't have family or both. Successful in that department.
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      07-04-2012, 02:38 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by MediaArtist View Post
You're doing pretty good. It all depends on how you judge success. One of my closest associates lives in a $1.5 million bedroom luxury apartment in West Hollywood. He's in his mid-40s, no kids, no family in the area, and thinks his life is awesome. Myself, I think that's a nightmare being a father myself.

Love the wife, appreciate the kids. Friends, well, trust me you will make a lot of friends later in life.
I love how much opinions on lifestyle can differ. I lean towards the attitude of your associate. I find it cool however how people can enjoy completely different lifestyles for completely different reasons.
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      07-04-2012, 02:40 PM   #25
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i don't think you're successful - i think you're living like the majority of the nation by living paycheck to paycheck....

you're way in over your head and your job is barely keeping you afloat.....

your wife probably sits at home and does nothing productive.....get her ass to work at a normal full time job.....

hell, even making a measly $10-12/hr would help ya'll tremendously.....

p.s.
you could be a lot worse - you could be unemployed with crying and hungry kids....

there - that's my unbiased observation based on what you have personally described in this thread.....
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      07-04-2012, 02:44 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by r3cKoNize View Post
Money is a factor in a lot of cases. If I was making $50k a year now i'm sure I would be happier then making $35k
true - whoever said money can't buy happiness either has always been poor, or has never fully recovered from his methanphetamine induced coma......




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      07-04-2012, 02:46 PM   #27
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go out and buy something expensive it will make you feel better.
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      07-04-2012, 02:48 PM   #28
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go out and buy something expensive it will make you feel better.
a used iPad !??!
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      07-04-2012, 02:51 PM   #29
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a used iPad !??!
if that'll make him happy. Im just kidding , this kid sounds broke.
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      07-04-2012, 03:01 PM   #30
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I love how much opinions on lifestyle can differ. I lean towards the attitude of your associate. I find it cool however how people can enjoy completely different lifestyles for completely different reasons.
Yeah, it's all about what makes the individual happy, and how they judge their own success.

There are starving artist out there who get by on less than $1,000 a month and live in "artist communes", and think they are living in paradise.

Personally, I love living in the boring, safe, 'burbs.
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      07-04-2012, 04:06 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by r3cKoNize View Post
TI think that is my problem is I compare myself to others.
This will be your downfall until you correct that line of thinking.

There is always a bigger fish.

You could be a billionaire, and someone in your country club will have a bigger yacht than you.
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      07-04-2012, 05:27 PM   #32
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This will be your downfall until you correct that line of thinking.

There is always a bigger fish.

You could be a billionaire, and someone in your country club will have a bigger yacht than you.
Not if he gets one of these.


But seriously, lot's of good advice here. IMO you need to ditch the car asap, there is NO justification for owning it with 2 kids, a wife that doesn't work and you making sub 35k a year. Not spending money on other extras isn't justification, this money should be getting put into savings for your 2 kids down the road.
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      07-04-2012, 05:35 PM   #33
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      07-04-2012, 05:45 PM   #34
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IMO you need to ditch the car asap, there is NO justification for owning it with 2 kids, a wife that doesn't work and you making sub 35k a year. Not spending money on other extras isn't justification, this money should be getting put into savings for your 2 kids down the road.
truth......
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      07-04-2012, 05:53 PM   #35
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      07-04-2012, 06:23 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by Augenbrauezug View Post
But seriously, lot's of good advice here. IMO you need to ditch the car asap, there is NO justification for owning it with 2 kids, a wife that doesn't work and you making sub 35k a year. Not spending money on other extras isn't justification, this money should be getting put into savings for your 2 kids down the road.
+1
Get rid of your E92 for something cheap and reliable, like a Corolla or Civic. You can always get another BMW later.
On the plus side, you're young and have a job. Work hard and good things are sure to come your way.
Try to get the wife to find a job that offers free child care while she's working.
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      07-05-2012, 12:02 AM   #37
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Sell the E92... I personally never understood buying a car and then having to live so tight on a budget for everything else in your life (esp if you have a fam and other priorities). I love cars more than anyone... but there are plenty of fun cars to be had that don't cost as much as an E92. Go get a E36 M3, learn how to wrench (e.g. don't take it to a mechanic for simple maintenance E36's are easy to work on) - use extra money to live your life and enjoy time with your growing family. E36 M3s can be had for sub-$10k anymore in decent condition.

In terms of not wrapping your tool... I don't know what to say about that. I'm 26 and am not married and have no kids. Have a longer term girlfriend (~2 years) and am living my life how I want to at the moment. Not personally looking for kids till I'm at least 30.

Everyone is different though, so live your life the way you want to, and enjoy it. Different strokes for different folks. Don't live your life to make other people happy; live your life to make you and your fam happy.

Edit:

And understand your wife is preggers at the moment.. but she needs to get a job sometime after the birth of the second kid. Though her salary will probably need to be weighed against the cost of day-care. In my area day-care is $$$. If she would make less than it takes to cover day-care then she could stay at home till the kids go to school... but it sounds like you need both incomes to really support your family.

Also do you have any idea what you'll use your undergrad degree for? Can you start trying to get experience or making connection to make it possible to get a better job once you're done? Should have done engineering... starting salaries are easily 50-60k minimum out of your undergrad. Too many college-aged people in the US like non-technical degrees these days... but that issue is a whole different can of worms. The US isn't going to be able to make or design anything innovative in the future at the rate US college students choose non-math or science related degrees (I digress).

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Originally Posted by DARK_M3 View Post
Mid 6 figures here... can never seem to get ahead. Fuckin broke most of the time.

Money doesn't equal jack shit. Piece of mind and being happy with who you are are priceless.
Isn't this the truth (to some degree).. salary and location. 6 figures in some areas is the norm for just paying for monthly bills. I live in the DC area and while it's not the most expensive area in the US... 6 figures here is a helluva lot different then my home town back in PA. DC area you can get a mortgage on a 2- bedroom condo for what a good size single family house with a 2 / 3 car garage would go for in parts of PA.

That said, if you are making 6 figures and are still living pay check to pay check... you are living in over your head. I'd get roommates or sell my car (or never have even bought it in the first place!) if I was living pay check to pay while making 6 figures.
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      07-05-2012, 12:30 AM   #38
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Isn't this the truth (to some degree).. salary and location. 6 figures in some areas is the norm for just paying for monthly bills. I live in the DC area and while it's not the most expensive area in the US... 6 figures here is a helluva lot different then my home town back in PA. DC area you can get a mortgage on a 2- bedroom condo for what a good size single family house with a 2 / 3 car garage would go for in parts of PA.

That said, if you are making 6 figures and are still living pay check to pay check... you are living in over your head. I'd get roommates or sell my car (or never have even bought it in the first place!) if I was living pay check to pay while making 6 figures.
Yes it is relative to where you live and then all the expenses. I'm not saying I'm paycheck to paycheck but people do tend to live at or above their means most of the time. Ah well...life is good and family is good so I can't really complain.
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      07-05-2012, 01:06 AM   #39
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The problem with financial goals, from my humble and perhaps not so vast experience in the grand scheme of things, is that when one makes $X per year, the thought goes something like 'man if only I made $Y per year, I would be pretty set.'

Then when that person hits $Y per year, their tastes change and the goal post moves further away. So now, 'man, if only I made $Z per year...'

If you are ambitious and continually strive for the most out of life, this cycle, as I am beginning to realize, will never end.

The guy who wants a Ferrari but can only afford a BMW dreams of someday owning that Ferrari. Meanwhile, the guy who owns the Ferrari is dreaming about a 60' yacht and a house in Monte Carlo. I guess the guy who has all of this probably dreams of a private island or a personal country?

I believe there is nothing wrong with any of that, so long as one is grateful of where they currently are, and strives to fill their shoes TODAY to the best extent possible, so that when opportunities arise to move up, they can be seized. Be grateful for and content with what you have, but avoid stagnation and always have goals to strive for no matter what that next level is for you.

There are more areas in life to consider beyond the financial. Emotional, physical, intellectual, interpersonal, and other factors all play a role.

In my early 20's I met many physical goals, read lots of books, but didn't have a family and made no money that anyone would brag about. Now I have a family, have nice cars (not at that Ferrari level, yet!), a business, but damn if it's hard to get to the gym every day or have time to read books on my favorite subjects.

It's all relative and the advice and responses in this thread, harsh or encouraging, are all great. I would add that as you focus on one aspect of your being, naturally other aspects take a back seat. Having goals for each different aspect will help keep that balance of total happiness, so you don't feel like the wealthy guy with no family, or the unhealthy guy who has a family and a career, or any other unbalanced situation that you would consider unacceptable, since these things mean different things to different people.

If you are struggling, and don't want to sell your car, and want your wife to stay at home, you can get a second job nights and weekends to supplement. Where there is a will, there is a way. Not to sound cliche, but this philosophy has served me well in the long run.

Last edited by ddk632; 07-05-2012 at 01:09 AM. Reason: Man these typos are killing me today
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      07-05-2012, 01:53 AM   #40
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I think you are too hard on yourself.

You're only 21 and been working for 3 years. Sorry to tell you but you probably have another 44 years to go

You have a house, a wife and a child plus another on the way. Sit back and enjoy it all while you can, because one day it could all be taken away (god forbid obviously) but it sounds like you don't appreciate what you have.

All the best
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      07-05-2012, 02:01 AM   #41
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Simsims View Post
son

success is relative.

Compared to some, you're at the bottom of the pit.
Compared to others, you're wealthy.

Know what you have, accept it, live happy, but always look for more. That's the positive attitude.
Well said and I agree 100%. Took the words out of my mouth.
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      07-05-2012, 05:27 AM   #42
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Im going to say this, and I know you wont listen, but I will tell you anyway. The life you have now was a very weird dream 100 years ago, and if you move to China, there will be more than 1 billion people here that will make you feel very successful indeed.

All is relative, but it is hard to see if you only look at the leaders in your finance sector.
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      07-05-2012, 01:17 PM   #43
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      07-05-2012, 01:26 PM   #44
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Get that done and over with and then see where that takes you. Even though a degree is by no means a guarantee of anything especially in today's economy, it'll definitely help your chances and things can snowball in a good way.
This.

Also, it's all relative, man. Generally, Malcontents aren't happy no matter how high they climb the ladder. Work on your state of mind and that should help a lot. Sure, it won't do the things money can do, but adjusting your perspective is free.
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