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      11-11-2012, 09:26 PM   #1
jesselou
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doubt about female friend...

I have this weird relationship/friendship with a female friend of mine. We are both socially awkward, quiet/shy nerds. Weíre 22 years old, have similar personalities and both donít have that many friends, well we have acquaintances but not people we consider to be close friends. We met each other through classes 4 years ago in 2008 and we got along well for that 1 semester of class but after that we didnít talk or hang out at all until I ran into her May 2012 when we realized that we both worked in the same building and just a few lab rooms down the hall. We started talking, catching up and hanged out a bit. As the summer progressed, we became closer friends. Even at the end of the summer, I helped her move apartments twice (its complicated, but she didnít like her new place and moved again after 2 weeks). And as time passed, we hanged out more and more to the point where we basically got dinner every night and usually hang out/ talk about random stuff for a few hours before dropping her off back at her apartment. The thing is that we have talked about relationship stuff and I know that Iím not her type and technically, sheís not my type. I say technically since she is VERY cute and wife- material, but I canít imagine us being together for the long haul. Her bipolar personality compounded with her family obligations makes it not too feasible for us to get together, so I basically threw that thought out the window. She also has this other guy that she has a crush on. So now, we are just friends and Iím ok with it. I mean, we hang out a lot and get dinner together almost every night, which is kinda convenient since Iím not so lonely and always eat by myself or order take out. My problem is that Iím not sure if I should still spend time with her or so much time... I sometimes feel like Iím wasting time by not meeting other people but to not hang out with someone because thereís no chance of getting into a relationship seem like a very shallow reason to alienate someone. Iím more of a sentimental/ stereotypical Ďniceí guy and Iím not trying to get in her pants or anythingÖ but at the same time, I donít want to screw myself over by wasting so much time on someone who has no future. I do value her as a friend thoughÖ what should I do?

For those of you who are gonna tell me to grow some balls, tell me to PIITB or ask for pictures, save your time and just move on to the next thread. thanks!
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      11-11-2012, 10:22 PM   #2
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Why can't you meet other people while hanging out with her?
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      11-11-2012, 10:27 PM   #3
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Listen man.. Stop wasting so much time on her. Hang out with her but not every night. You gotta get out and find a girl that's worth your time.. Maybe one that'll give it up too.. Haha

But then again I'm only 19 so take my opinion however you choose

Put some cliff notes in that shit.. My eyes got tired from readin dat
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      11-11-2012, 10:39 PM   #4
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If I'm reading this thread correctly, you seem like you've already made up your mind. So is this more about encouragement? In which case go out and meet other broads.
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      11-11-2012, 10:43 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e92driva View Post

Put some cliff notes in that shit.. My eyes got tired from readin dat
or at least paragraphs and shit lol

Wait a minute, your're telling me after reading all that, you want me to move on to another thread since there are no pics? So why are you wasting our time telling us about how you are wasting your time with the girl? Shiiiieeett

I'm just kidding (not the paragraphs part though) loll
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      11-11-2012, 11:22 PM   #6
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No matter how many grow some balls comments you get you won't grow some until you do what you gotta do and realize how pathetic you were. You lay down the line and tell her what you want and that's it. If she says no, you move on, because she'll keep you around as company. You need to be your own person.
Do what you want.
Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you can rise up.
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      11-11-2012, 11:34 PM   #7
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Show her this thread, and then give her a hair pie.
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      11-12-2012, 12:36 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jesselou View Post
We’re 22 years old... I’m not trying to get in her pants or anything… I do value her as a friend though… what should I do?
Are you for real>?

Do you like girls? ..lol
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      11-12-2012, 12:43 AM   #9
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1. I won't ask for pics, but I will not have a problem with anyone else doing so.

2. Sounds like you are hoping for more than friendship, but because she's friendzoned you, you're convincing yourself otherwise.

3. Helping move apartments = friendzone with benefits. Just not for you. Seriously, whatever it means to you, she just probably sees you as the nice friend she can count on for that crap.

4. Bipolar = NOT wife material. Run. Fast.

Solution? Stay friends, hang out and have dinner as friends as much as you want, but make time to meet girls and go out with them. Spending less time or finding a GF shouldn't make your friendship any worse - why would you need to alienate a friend to work on your dating life?

Unless, of course, point #2 above rings a bell to you, in which case ... Still get yourself into dating girls, and if something is meant to happen between you and her, it will. But with that, please note point #4 above. Just google 'bipolar wife' and you'll see what I mean.
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      11-12-2012, 01:04 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ddk632 View Post
4. Bipolar = NOT wife material. Run. Fast.
But the crazy ones are the best in bed
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      11-12-2012, 01:09 AM   #11
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If you're basically having dinner every night, I don't see why you don't see you being together for the long haul. Being really good friends with your spouse/SO is hugely important. Besides the lack of physical contact, I'd say that you're basically dating her. Either try to take it to the next level and see what happens or move on.

Look at it this way, if you were dating someone else, and still having dinner with her every night, your GF would be pretty jealous. Same if she had a BF. You're dating her (helping her move 2x!), but without the ancillary benefits.
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      11-12-2012, 01:30 AM   #12
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Been there done that. I was "best friends" with this one girl for over two years during my prime college years. Yeah, we did all that stuff - eat, shop, go to shows, etc. She had a couple of boyfriends along the way and I was terminally friendzoned. Sure, she was cute (I thought so) and definitely nice and wife material, but that's it. Eventually, I found me a serious girlfriend and funny thing happened. New girlfriend made me get rid of her so I did - besides, having a serious girlfriend takes time and energy and effort. In the end, I married the new girlfriend.

Cliff Notes: Been there, find a real girlfriend, real girlfriend made me get rid of "friend zoned" girlfriend. Happily ever after.
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      11-12-2012, 01:41 AM   #13
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You need to move on. Maybe she'll be glad you did or maybe she'll be sad or she might not even notice until she has to move again. But if you continue as things are, well you're not really getting anywhere are you and she's already mentioned she's into some other guy so...? Also, you could just tell her what's in your head exactly as you wrote it and she might offer up some NSA for the time being...wishful thinking.
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      11-12-2012, 01:53 AM   #14
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You sound like you're married. Tomorrow, do me and yourself a favor by calling somebody else to have dinner with. Break away from her a bit and go meet another girl. Bring the new girl to meet the old girl and see what happens. Old girl may get jealous and then all of a sudden, you just became SO much more interesting. Or, she won't care and she'll find a new dinner buddy. That way you'll know where you stand with her
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      11-12-2012, 03:39 AM   #15
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Quote:
For those of you who are gonna tell me to grow some balls, tell me to PIITB or ask for pictures, save your time and just move on to the next thread. thanks!
1. Grow some balls.

2. PIITB

3. Post pics.

I am astounded that a self admitted nerd that works in a lab started this thread.
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      11-12-2012, 04:24 AM   #16
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Go whack off to Rick Astley
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      11-12-2012, 04:44 AM   #17
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Typical e90post responses. Average maturity of this forum is at an all time low.

To the OP, if you have no interest in her whatsoever, then you should stop seeing her. It's very unusual for a male and female to have a normal long-term friendship.
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      11-12-2012, 04:50 AM   #18
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you have been permanently friend zoned! there is NO return from that. Trust me, been there, tried everything, it fails. If you want some more insight, go and snag 'The game' by Neil Strauss.. read it and enjoy it, but take it with a grain of salt. The story IS the advice.. not the goofy pickup gimmicks he talks about along the way.

I'll tell you this much from all of my dating and friendships. If you havent been physical within the first 3 weeks (or some even say first 3 dates) it's just not going to happen, and nor will a relationship. She sees you now permanently as a friend! So keep that friendship but go on out and meet some new girls! Its not rocket science

Try POF, Okcupid, eharmony etc and MEET some girls. You dont have to marry them! You dont even have to go out with them more than once if you dont have a connection. BUT it's a great way to get over being shy.

Best of luck!
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      11-12-2012, 05:38 AM   #19
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The disclaimer at the bottom of the novel had me laughing...

So yeah, pics?
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      11-12-2012, 08:09 AM   #20
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So your best friend right now is a girl. What's the big deal? It's fine to have female friends, some may even say it's useful.
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      11-12-2012, 02:41 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samchoi604 View Post
Typical e90post responses. Average maturity of this forum is at an all time low.
I would say these are typical "human" posts, the OP sounds incredibly androgynous..sorry but at 22 I wasnt thinking about being friends with ANY female..if it wasnt happening then it was NEXT..

I still want to hear if OP likes women.
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      11-12-2012, 03:05 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ddk632 View Post
1. I won't ask for pics, but I will not have a problem with anyone else doing so.

2. Sounds like you are hoping for more than friendship, but because she's friendzoned you, you're convincing yourself otherwise.

3. Helping move apartments = friendzone with benefits. Just not for you. Seriously, whatever it means to you, she just probably sees you as the nice friend she can count on for that crap.

4. Bipolar = NOT wife material. Run. Fast.

Solution? Stay friends, hang out and have dinner as friends as much as you want, but make time to meet girls and go out with them. Spending less time or finding a GF shouldn't make your friendship any worse - why would you need to alienate a friend to work on your dating life?

Unless, of course, point #2 above rings a bell to you, in which case ... Still get yourself into dating girls, and if something is meant to happen between you and her, it will. But with that, please note point #4 above. Just google 'bipolar wife' and you'll see what I mean.

Honestly, the bold part is all that matters, as it was pointed out above,.

Op if your assessment of her being bipolar is correct, you are not prepared to deal with a person like this. Depending on her particular issue you have no idea where this could end up and how many problems you could be staring at down the road.

Last edited by Maestro; 11-12-2012 at 04:26 PM.
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