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      03-02-2006, 03:56 AM   #1
eshamas21
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Joke i read... wanted to share...

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends
$5,000
and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at
a
news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk,
"I
hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
the
very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
on
her way down the street She goes up to the counter to get some mints
and
asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
to
her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I
was
young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very
forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then,
and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best
of
her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
very
slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently
pinches
each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each
other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am
I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says,
"Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?'

The old man says, "promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
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      03-02-2006, 08:08 AM   #2
davinet78
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thats a very good one
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      03-02-2006, 01:19 PM   #3
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haha lame. what a pervert.
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      03-02-2006, 01:29 PM   #4
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Funny.
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      03-02-2006, 05:54 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enroutte
haha lame. what a pervert.
You must be a women.

That's pretty good.
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      03-02-2006, 07:43 PM   #6
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hahahahaaha too funny
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      03-02-2006, 08:11 PM   #7
e90rocks
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Age

That's a variant of this joke

Woman in dementia unit of nursing home says to man:
I can guess your age by feeling you balls.

Man: No f*in way.
Woman: Sure I can. I can tell exactly.
Man: Bet you $20
Woman: you're on. Drop em.
Man (dropping pants) Go ahead.
Woman (fondling balls): You're 84 and 3 months.
Man (Pulling up pants): Holy cow! How did you know (handing her $20 bill).
Woman: You told me yesterday.
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      03-03-2006, 01:18 AM   #8
longtran
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e90rocks
That's a variant of this joke

Woman in dementia unit of nursing home says to man:
I can guess your age by feeling you balls.

Man: No f*in way.
Woman: Sure I can. I can tell exactly.
Man: Bet you $20
Woman: you're on. Drop em.
Man (dropping pants) Go ahead.
Woman (fondling balls): You're 84 and 3 months.
Man (Pulling up pants): Holy cow! How did you know (handing her $20 bill).
Woman: You told me yesterday.
he can remember he is 84 and 3months old but cant remember wha he said yesterday??


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      03-03-2006, 01:34 AM   #9
RGRAY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e90rocks
That's a variant of this joke

Woman in dementia unit of nursing home says to man:
I can guess your age by feeling you balls.

Woman (fondling balls): You're 84 and 3 months....
Why would a women want to fondle an 84 year old man's balls.

The old man knew what he was doing.
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Last edited by RGRAY; 03-03-2006 at 04:14 AM.
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      03-03-2006, 03:27 PM   #10
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Remembrances of Birthdays past

Quote:
Originally Posted by longtran
he can remember he is 84 and 3months old but cant remember wha he said yesterday??
Actually demented people can always remember their birthdate. It's what they had for breakfast they can't remember.
I guess she did the math.

Demented women probably remember their anniversary, something many men of sound mind have trouble remembering...

Heard this one on the Sat Radio..
Pressman: Mr. Reagan, during your presidency, was it boxers or briefs?
R Reagan (thinking): Depends...
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      03-03-2006, 03:32 PM   #11
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      03-03-2006, 08:15 PM   #12
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      02-26-2007, 04:25 PM   #13
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Lmfao Rofl
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      02-27-2007, 02:10 AM   #14
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what a gamble!
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      02-27-2007, 09:21 AM   #15
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hahaha that was funnny LOL
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      03-08-2007, 03:59 PM   #16
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thats really good
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      04-24-2007, 09:47 PM   #17
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Hahahaha.
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