[neilmc]

34

so you are an older lady then! with a clean saddle.

married one of those once, but kept tripping over her saggy tits so got divorced.

[mikem]

neilmc, sounds like you`ve an alcahol intolerence.

A few years back I got so drunk on a session with a mate that on returning to his shared student house. I was discovered lying bollock naked in the bath with a copy of Razzle and a "huge smile on my face" wouldn`t normally have been a problem bar the fact that i was discovered in the bath by one of the girls sharing the house who`d let the water "run" while getting some towels.

She did get "roasted" the following weekend `tho before moving out.

[neilmc]

I am off to NY next week. First time I went, I did the worlds biggest poo and used far more paper than was needed. Pulled the flush and due to the small US toilet necks flooded the bathroom. Rang reception and they upgraded to a nice suite. Thank you Waldorf Astoria. Do not stay in room 2212.

[beemerbird]

Mine aint moved south yet mate.

Wait until yer scrotum's around yer knees. Arghhh.

34 - still learning then

[neilmc]

When you say roasted, I assume you are referring to an interview technique and not the spit type?

Excellent story my friend, must see if they still do razzle. Had many a happy tug with that art pamphlet.

[neilmc]

It is around my knees, my ex wife cut it off and it seemed like a good place to sew it back on.

Should never have got married.

Could have saved time and money by giving someone I hate a house and Jaguar xjr!!!!

[beemerbird]

Never bothered marrying - live in sin.

Now don't be bitter Neil - move on etc. (easy for me to say). After all, you're still young!!

[neilmc]

Only joking, I am not bitter, just lucky I could leave her financially ok, still felt bad for years mind.

Still I am happier now, so that's ok!!!!!

Yes I am still young, but do feel old at times. Everyone that I come into contact with lately seems very young. A sign of old age I suppose!

Back to the thread, myself and a work mate had a downey map of our area. Every time we were out, we would put a big cross on our map. No one at all found this funnny bar us. You know they can crack codes for the CIA we would say, and they have the strength of bears. One boy one, used to just shout "day out"

Now that is innapropriate looking back on it.

[Dubbedoutbimmer]

Originally Posted by neilmc

Only joking, I am not bitter, just lucky I could leave her financially ok, still felt bad for years mind.

Still I am happier now, so that's ok!!!!!

Yes I am still young, but do feel old at times. Everyone that I come into contact with lately seems very young. A sign of old age I suppose!

Back to the thread, myself and a work mate had a downey map of our area. Every time we were out, we would put a big cross on our map. No one at all found this funnny bar us. You know they can crack codes for the CIA we would say, and they have the strength of bears. One boy one, used to just shout "day out"

Now that is innapropriate looking back on it.

that makes no sence? or am I just to american to understand lol

[neilmc]

Dubbedoutbimmer, it is Down's syndrome. It is a chromosomal disorder caused by an extra 21st chromasome. Named after John Langndon Down, a british doctor who described the syndrome in 1866

You are not not being too American! it may have another name in the States like Bush syndrome.

[mikem]

Originally Posted by neilmc

Back to the thread, myself and a work mate had a downey map of our area. Every time we were out, we would put a big cross on our map. No one at all found this funnny bar us. You know they can crack codes for the CIA we would say, and they have the strength of bears. One boy one, used to just shout "day out"

Now that is innapropriate looking back on it.

Viv`s gonna have a fit when he sees this thread.

A guy I worked with from N.I. "bumped" into one wearing just a nightie after staggering out of the hotel to get some **** at about 4 am (she`d obviously escaped) and proceeded to take her back to the hotel and educate her.

Looking back now, it seems outrageous but hillarious at the time.

[beemerbird]

Streuth - how low can you stoop....... Jack Russell perhaps.

Going to have a sniff of that stuff Neil.

Meant to say - Pleased you're happy in life now.

[neilmc]

I think you will like it, it is actually unisex. Have always worn it since I was about 16. You may have trouble finding it, try a big department store like house of fraser, or get a sample from ebay.

mikem that is brilliant, that man deserves a round of applause. What does he do for an encore? shag his nan? toss off a tramp? take advantage of his mum when she's drunk to get himself a little brother.....

Come on Viv, we are trying hard.

[mikem]

`Wish I was making it up neil but unfortunately being Irish, I think most of the hotel heard him shouting "Go on ya fukin good ting Ya"

[neilmc]

I think he may be my real Dad!

That is one of the best things I have heard in years, it is even better than my fabulous hard on last saturday morning.

Anyone beat mikem?

Surely someone has milked an otter or slept with the sister they did not realise they had?

Looks like only me then.

[beemerbird]

Can't believe I'd forgotten this one!! The other half has just reminded me. Goes back to the biking days.

In the market town of Beverley, East Yorks the local pubs are often frequented by squaddies from the base at Leconfield. This particular evening we happened to be in one of the pubs with some squaddies. Night progresses and the mood is becoming more and more ebullient and we end up talking with the squaddies. One of our friends happens to be 6' 11" and pretty well built shall we say. One of the squaddies, who happened to be a black gentleman, was adament that black guys were better hung than white guys. Guess what's coming.....A bet is placed of £10. Next thing one white cock is slapped on the table, followed by one black cock. The white one won the bet!!

We were asked to leave after that.

[neilmc]

That's just innappropriate, I start a nice thread and you lower the tone.



Did they progress to playing tummy sticks? if so no wonder you were asked to leave! at 6' 11" I imagine he is everyones friend!

I have a friend who when he has had too much to drink, will never go home, so I usually send him out to get a curry or something and when he returns I am just sat naked with a knife and fork, after a mouthful he always goes home.

Oh and I occasionally answer the door naked to people I see on the screen that I don't like. Avon, double glazing, mori researchers etc

[- Paul -]

Originally Posted by mikem

Viv`s gonna have a fit when he sees this thread.

A guy I worked with from N.I. "bumped" into one wearing just a nightie after staggering out of the hotel to get some **** at about 4 am (she`d obviously escaped) and proceeded to take her back to the hotel and educate her.

Looking back now, it seems outrageous but hillarious at the time.

That is so so wrong but by god it's funny

[beemerbird]

Originally Posted by neilmc

That's just innappropriate, I start a nice thread and you lower the tone.



Did they progress to playing tummy sticks? if so no wonder you were asked to leave! at 6' 11" I imagine he is everyones friend!

I have a friend who when he has had too much to drink, will never go home, so I usually send him out to get a curry or something and when he returns I am just sat naked with a knife and fork, after a mouthful he always goes home.

Oh and I occasionally answer the door naked to people I see on the screen that I don't like. Avon, double glazing, mori researchers etc

Can't take these uncivil servants anywhere Neil.

Bragging or complaining there?

[mikem]

When I first started with my employer we were staying at some digs near Harrow called "something" riding school for young ladies (our accomodation agency had moments of brilliance like that, back then), the "young ladies" were quite accomodating to say the least except one night the same Irish fella split his banjo string and jumped out of bed, showering blood everywhere. The girl became histerical and ran from the room screaming, clutching a duvet covered in blood. The woman running the place was absolutely disgusted and the following morning was demanding that our manager explain what right we had to go there and turn her riding school into "something" riding school for young "slu*s"


Cue a few years later and the manager this time is me and we end up staying in some awful holiday camp type place called "michaelwood" about 20 miles from Newquay.
I should`ve known it would end in tears and moved us as soon as we got there but it was Sun eve and the booking agency closed. The place was like a run down Hi-de-hi camp in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do in the eve`s except drink.
We grated along for a few days, `till things came to a head on Thurs night when they refused to serve some of the lads anymore as someone had thrown up everywhere. My assistant manager and two of the reps decided the best way to overcome this "objection" was to go to the toilets, strip off and sit there `till they backed down.
The manageress came banging on my door to sort them out and when I eventually woke up and opened the door, the three of them were streaking around the campsite. The police were called and we had to pack up and leave there and then.
The following week I was sumoned to head office to explain what had happened, and found it almost impossible to take it seriously as my sales director was there and a few weeks before he`d gotten so smashed on a caravan park, he caught a Duck from the pond and shuved it in the oven, he almost blew the park up, as he`d passed out before igniting the oven. I kid you not.

[willhollin]

I remember being round a mates house when we were still at school. Parents were away and the drink flowed. We all got naked (all blokes) and things got a little out of hand. One was getting very friendly with a golden retriever with a huge swollen bollock.
We then decided to go down the 24hr garage for ****. Those were the days.

[Steve A]

Was at a party with freinds a long time ago and we were all completley full of bugle.

I was expressing to whoever would listen that i couldnt believe how fat a freinds girlfriend had become ( essentially fitty to fatty) anf the was complete silence, as i turned around she was sat next to me

the said girl got up and stormed out crying then ten miuntes later an angry mob apperared to tell me she was outside in the garden and how upset she was and what had i got to say for myself....

my reply was " im supprised she could fit through the door"

my freinds wet themselves and all hell broke loose...............

it was completly not my fault.......................