[Dr Dave]

Skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and
sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the
little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350
pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big
guy says, 'What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say
to me?'

The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just
give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me ... I'm 7
feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles
weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.'

The little white Irishman says:

'Turner Brown?!....Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!

[dxb335d]

SOOO old Davey boy. Ramp it up a little for a Sunday Night.

[Dr Dave]

Well I lol'd

Extracts from letters written to local councils:

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more

[dxb335d]

LAWL

[Express]

what did one plate say to the other?





lunch is on me!

[willhollin]

[ed335d]

An old guy was in Morrison’s the other day, pushing his cart around, when he
collided with a young guy also pushing his cart.

He said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I
guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's just a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.”

The old guy said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green
eyes, long legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter
top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."

Most old guys are helpful like that.