Who is the douche in this situation?

abisson · 07-25-2010, 09:00 AM

Okay so here is the thing. I hope it won't be too long to read.

I bought a new car about 6 months ago while being back home for an internship. Then I moved back to university this summer (I have summer terms). I live with 3 other guys. 2 of them I consider my friends and the other... well semi-friend.

Anyways, before I had my car, we were all taking the bus to go groceries and go to school. But now, I am the one giving the rides to everybody: every morning and every night (we all have the exact same schedule). Same goes for groceries. For about 3 months into our term, never ONCE, I got a "thanks". Never.

Everyday, I either leave my house at 8:10 or 9:10, depending of our schedule. So for about 3 months now, they know at exactly what time I get out of my room, get my bag and leave. But every fucking morning, I am waiting for them.

Last week, I told them I was tired of waiting for them and I would leave without them. I just think its a question of respect. If they are not happy, they can take the bus. Last thursday, I caught one "imitating me" being mad at them and telling them I would leave without them one day. I confronted him, pretty badly, and told him that if he wasn't happy, he could take the bus and stfu. He told me I was overreacting and since then, it has been akward.

Who was right or wrong? I think I am 110% right. They seem to think that its a natural for me to give them ride, not say thanks and not pay for shit. (its not a question of money, but at least a sense of appreciation would be nice)

Discuss.

MDLFCS · 07-25-2010, 09:31 AM

I think they all not respecting you. You are not their chauffeur. They should be waiting for you if they want rides, not the other way around. Things would be different if they pay you handsomely...

I would tell them how would they feel if they were in your shoes to get them to understand your situation.

The one mocking you was simply immature.

hks786 · 07-25-2010, 09:34 AM

You're right

Ubermensch · 07-25-2010, 09:50 AM

Yeah unless they are paying for all your gas, insurance, and maintenance, then they literally can f**k right off.

OlivaresAnthony · 07-25-2010, 09:56 AM

i agree with every answer above^

nmulax · 07-25-2010, 10:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OlivaresAnthony

i agree with every answer above^

+1

Bakeme521 · 07-25-2010, 10:28 AM

you're in the right, just wake up and leave their asses one morning and see how they like it.

FStop7 · 07-25-2010, 10:43 AM

They sound like bitchy women. Tell them to get their own cars.

Year's_End · 07-25-2010, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FStop7

Tell them to get their own cars.

+1

Nedim · 07-25-2010, 10:59 AM

Disrespectful

py335 · 07-25-2010, 12:01 PM

they're def. the douches man. dont think anything of it you're not their fucking limo driver

BMW F22 · 07-25-2010, 12:07 PM

I'm the same way. I don't mind doing things for people nor do I expect anything in return. However, a simple "thank you" or "I appreciate it" would go a long way. Sometimes people just take things for granted because they are so used to it. Make up a story and put your car in a shop for a few days and see what they say. If they have half a brain they will realize that "hey, maybe we have been douchebags to so and so."

deletedelete · 07-25-2010, 12:15 PM

I once left a friend of mine at the mall once back in college because he wouldnt leave when I was ready to go. He made me late for class a few times and finally I just left him at the mall. I personally wouldnt be driving the guy who made fun anywhere ever.

BTM · 07-25-2010, 12:15 PM

I was in the same situation for a year in college, except I was the one without the car and getting a ride from my roommate. I can't remember every situation but I did try my best to be ready to go when he was. I didn't necessarily say thanks for the ride as everyday this would get exhausting and meaningless, but every now and then I'd buy him a tank of gas or pay for lunch or stuff like that. Seemed to work fine, never got in a fight about it, and of course he never asked me to do any of that, I just did.

Sucks that your roommates don't get it. I don't think you're wrong, if I had been making my roommate wait for me I'd totally understand leaving without me...

bosstones · 07-25-2010, 12:18 PM

If you guys are going to the same place at the same time, I can see giving them a ride. If it's a regular thing, they can pitch in for gas (at least my friends would've in college)...even if only a few bucks. For me, that's something that goes all the way back to HS. It's etiquette.

If they're typically making you late, leave without them. Only an @$$hat would get mad about that.

Why don't you let them know that it seems like they're taking advantage of you having a car there? Any real friend would listen and understand that. It's easy to assume that a bud will give you a ride, but that doesn't mean it's an implied privelage.

As for the one that was imitating you, if I were you, he'd be taking the bus or finding another ride for a long time.

abisson · 07-25-2010, 12:21 PM

I am glad to know I wasn't wrong

.

The thing though, is they knew the whole way I didn't have the guts to leave without them. The thing is... I live with them and have every courses with them, it would have been way too akward and create drama just for that, thats why I never did it. (I know that I shouldn't live with them AND have every class with them, I basically see them 24h/7, but that is changing next year).

Starting tomorrow, I will be coming to school around 8h, even if my class is at 9h30 in order to study a bit since my exams are coming up. We'll see how it goes. Well, I shouldn't be stressed about it lol. I basically give them a ride since we are going to the same place. But like I said, I have the feeling that for them, it is OBVIOUS that I will give them a ride, no questions asked.

E91 Dude · 07-25-2010, 12:25 PM

It sounds like they settled into a routine of taking you for granted (waking up later and later since they don't have to take the bus anymore), which quickly morphed into taking advantage of your kindness (bumming rides from you but making fun of you behind your back). You have no reason to think you're wrong just because they can't leech off you at their leisure anymore. Just because you live together doesn't mean you automatically share everything. I'm sure you have house rules; you should make car rules as well. If you talk about it, that should clear some of the awkward-ness from the air.

Koroush · 07-25-2010, 01:21 PM

Don't give them rides anymore.

pmeloche · 07-25-2010, 01:32 PM

I agree with the other posters that you are right. By the way, please fix your grammar. It's is a contraction of "it is".

Vanity · 07-25-2010, 03:04 PM

You bought the car. You pay for insurance. You pay for gas. You pay your share in rent. You have every right to do what ever it is the hell you want.

If they start causing drama over a car-ride, fuck them. Move in with other friends.

Freakazoid · 07-25-2010, 06:25 PM

agreed with everyone above... simple thing is to start leaving on the nose... not waiting a second.

I'm the type of guy that has gotten walked on for being generous before.... I'm still generous, I just take a no nonsense approach now. If you're leaving at 9, then leave at 9 on the nose.... not slowly move out...even if they're running behind you... they need to be taught to give you at least an OUNCE of respect

Chewy734 · 07-25-2010, 09:18 PM

I don't think you overreacted, and they are acting like complete douches, imo.

Don't you just love how people love to ask you for favors on their own terms?

07-25-2010, 09:00 AM	#1
abisson Canada FTW. 184 Rep 519 Posts Drives: 2016 VW R - Stg 2 Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Maple Syrup Country iTrader: (0)	Who is the douche in this situation? Okay so here is the thing. I hope it won't be too long to read. I bought a new car about 6 months ago while being back home for an internship. Then I moved back to university this summer (I have summer terms). I live with 3 other guys. 2 of them I consider my friends and the other... well semi-friend. Anyways, before I had my car, we were all taking the bus to go groceries and go to school. But now, I am the one giving the rides to everybody: every morning and every night (we all have the exact same schedule). Same goes for groceries. For about 3 months into our term, never ONCE, I got a "thanks". Never. Everyday, I either leave my house at 8:10 or 9:10, depending of our schedule. So for about 3 months now, they know at exactly what time I get out of my room, get my bag and leave. But every fucking morning, I am waiting for them. Last week, I told them I was tired of waiting for them and I would leave without them. I just think its a question of respect. If they are not happy, they can take the bus. Last thursday, I caught one "imitating me" being mad at them and telling them I would leave without them one day. I confronted him, pretty badly, and told him that if he wasn't happy, he could take the bus and stfu. He told me I was overreacting and since then, it has been akward. Who was right or wrong? I think I am 110% right. They seem to think that its a natural for me to give them ride, not say thanks and not pay for shit. (its not a question of money, but at least a sense of appreciation would be nice) Discuss.
	Appreciate 0 Tweet Quote

07-25-2010, 09:31 AM	#2
MDLFCS Private First Class 14 Rep 168 Posts Drives: 2009 Zee Four 35i Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Alaska iTrader: (0)	I think they all not respecting you. You are not their chauffeur. They should be waiting for you if they want rides, not the other way around. Things would be different if they pay you handsomely... I would tell them how would they feel if they were in your shoes to get them to understand your situation. The one mocking you was simply immature.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 09:34 AM	#3
hks786 Major General 2165 Rep 5,364 Posts Drives: * Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: UK iTrader: (0)	You're right __________________
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 09:50 AM	#4
Ubermensch Private 4 Rep 97 Posts Drives: white 07 Z4MC Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: St Louis, MO iTrader: (0)	Yeah unless they are paying for all your gas, insurance, and maintenance, then they literally can f**k right off.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 09:56 AM	#5
OlivaresAnthony Colonel 99 Rep 2,095 Posts Drives: 2019 Toyota Tacoma TRD OR 4x4 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: San Diego, CA iTrader: (6) Garage List 2019 Toyota Tacoma ... [0.00] 2015 BMW 535i [0.00]	i agree with every answer above^ __________________ E90 325i\|Sparkling Graphite Metallic\|Steptronic\|Black Leatherette/Dark Burl Interior\|OEM Alarm\|35%Front/5%Rear Tint\|RD LED License Plate Lights\|Rear Fogs Activated\|Debadged\|Smoked Sidemarkers\|Blacklines\|Depo P90v2\|Matte Black Grille\|BMS PBX\|AFE Drop In\|Charcoal Filter Delete\|Air Scoops\| RM Silicone Intake Hose\| Magnaflow 14815\| 19" Avant Garde M310\|Continental DWS\|M3 Lip Spoiler
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 10:28 AM	#7
Bakeme521 Some say... 239 Rep 4,296 Posts Drives: Fresh Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Baton Rouge n NOLA iTrader: (12) Garage List 2007 BMW 335i [8.24]	you're in the right, just wake up and leave their asses one morning and see how they like it. __________________ I have exhaust and an intake...
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 10:43 AM	#8
FStop7 I like cars 329 Rep 5,052 Posts Drives: M6 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Newbury Park, CA iTrader: (3)	They sound like bitchy women. Tell them to get their own cars.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 10:59 AM	#10
Nedim Captain 72 Rep 716 Posts Drives: 2007 BMW 335i Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Des Moines, IA iTrader: (4)	Disrespectful
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 12:01 PM	#11
py335 Lieutenant 18 Rep 466 Posts Drives: '08 AW E90 335i Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NoVA iTrader: (0)	they're def. the douches man. dont think anything of it you're not their fucking limo driver
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 12:07 PM	#12
BMW F22 Major General 3566 Rep 9,788 Posts Drives: ///M235i Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Bay Area iTrader: (8)	I'm the same way. I don't mind doing things for people nor do I expect anything in return. However, a simple "thank you" or "I appreciate it" would go a long way. Sometimes people just take things for granted because they are so used to it. Make up a story and put your car in a shop for a few days and see what they say. If they have half a brain they will realize that "hey, maybe we have been douchebags to so and so."
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 12:15 PM	#13
deletedelete Major General 361 Rep 5,873 Posts Drives: m Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: usa iTrader: (14) Garage List 2013 e92 M3 [0.00] 2011 e93 M3 (sold) [0.00] 2009 335xi (sold) [0.00]	I once left a friend of mine at the mall once back in college because he wouldnt leave when I was ready to go. He made me late for class a few times and finally I just left him at the mall. I personally wouldnt be driving the guy who made fun anywhere ever. __________________ ---> Click For xi/xDrive Suspension Compatibility List <---
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 12:15 PM	#14
BTM Banned 483 Rep 10,309 Posts Drives: A///MERICAN!!! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: A///MERICA!!! iTrader: (11) Garage List 2007 BMW Z4 M Coupe [7.20]	I was in the same situation for a year in college, except I was the one without the car and getting a ride from my roommate. I can't remember every situation but I did try my best to be ready to go when he was. I didn't necessarily say thanks for the ride as everyday this would get exhausting and meaningless, but every now and then I'd buy him a tank of gas or pay for lunch or stuff like that. Seemed to work fine, never got in a fight about it, and of course he never asked me to do any of that, I just did. Sucks that your roommates don't get it. I don't think you're wrong, if I had been making my roommate wait for me I'd totally understand leaving without me...
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 12:18 PM	#15
bosstones Lieutenant Colonel 1154 Rep 1,543 Posts Drives: o_0 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Suburbia iTrader: (0)	If you guys are going to the same place at the same time, I can see giving them a ride. If it's a regular thing, they can pitch in for gas (at least my friends would've in college)...even if only a few bucks. For me, that's something that goes all the way back to HS. It's etiquette. If they're typically making you late, leave without them. Only an @$$hat would get mad about that. Why don't you let them know that it seems like they're taking advantage of you having a car there? Any real friend would listen and understand that. It's easy to assume that a bud will give you a ride, but that doesn't mean it's an implied privelage. As for the one that was imitating you, if I were you, he'd be taking the bus or finding another ride for a long time. __________________ - Jeff bosstones' flickr
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 12:21 PM	#16
abisson Canada FTW. 184 Rep 519 Posts Drives: 2016 VW R - Stg 2 Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Maple Syrup Country iTrader: (0)	I am glad to know I wasn't wrong . The thing though, is they knew the whole way I didn't have the guts to leave without them. The thing is... I live with them and have every courses with them, it would have been way too akward and create drama just for that, thats why I never did it. (I know that I shouldn't live with them AND have every class with them, I basically see them 24h/7, but that is changing next year). Starting tomorrow, I will be coming to school around 8h, even if my class is at 9h30 in order to study a bit since my exams are coming up. We'll see how it goes. Well, I shouldn't be stressed about it lol. I basically give them a ride since we are going to the same place. But like I said, I have the feeling that for them, it is OBVIOUS that I will give them a ride, no questions asked.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 12:25 PM	#17
E91 Dude First Lieutenant 52 Rep 318 Posts Drives: Car Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Location iTrader: (2)	It sounds like they settled into a routine of taking you for granted (waking up later and later since they don't have to take the bus anymore), which quickly morphed into taking advantage of your kindness (bumming rides from you but making fun of you behind your back). You have no reason to think you're wrong just because they can't leech off you at their leisure anymore. Just because you live together doesn't mean you automatically share everything. I'm sure you have house rules; you should make car rules as well. If you talk about it, that should clear some of the awkward-ness from the air.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 01:21 PM	#18
Koroush Lieutenant 58 Rep 401 Posts Drives: nothing Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Maryland iTrader: (0)	Don't give them rides anymore. __________________
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 01:32 PM	#19
pmeloche Lieutenant Colonel 24 Rep 1,604 Posts Drives: 2013 F25 X3 xDrive35i Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Montréal, Canada iTrader: (0)	I agree with the other posters that you are right. By the way, please fix your grammar. It's is a contraction of "it is". __________________ Patrice 2013 F25 X3 xDrive35i Vermillion Red
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 03:04 PM	#20
Vanity Private First Class 257 Rep 123 Posts Drives: BMW E90 LCI Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: BC, Canada iTrader: (0)	You bought the car. You pay for insurance. You pay for gas. You pay your share in rent. You have every right to do what ever it is the hell you want. If they start causing drama over a car-ride, fuck them. Move in with other friends. __________________
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 06:25 PM	#21
Freakazoid Captain 181 Rep 962 Posts Drives: Saturn Redline Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Pittsburgh iTrader: (0)	agreed with everyone above... simple thing is to start leaving on the nose... not waiting a second. I'm the type of guy that has gotten walked on for being generous before.... I'm still generous, I just take a no nonsense approach now. If you're leaving at 9, then leave at 9 on the nose.... not slowly move out...even if they're running behind you... they need to be taught to give you at least an OUNCE of respect
	Appreciate 0 Quote

07-25-2010, 09:18 PM	#22
Chewy734 Major General 466 Rep 6,798 Posts Drives: 2006 BMW 330i ZPP, ZSP Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: LA, CA iTrader: (15)	I don't think you overreacted, and they are acting like complete douches, imo. Don't you just love how people love to ask you for favors on their own terms? __________________ Currently for sale: [19" Linea Corse LC818 wheel], [19" Fallen FK452 tire]
	Appreciate 0 Quote