Have you ever been rejected by the oppisite sex because of your ethnicity?

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 05:04 PM

This girl I've known for sometime that knows I like her told me today that she couldn't date me because of my ethnicity. I was a bit agitated and confused, and while people are entitled to their own opinions, I have an extremely low threshold for ignorance. I come from a mixed background, though I'm generally pigeonhold as being one thing or the other by other people, but who are we to penialize one another for something so superfical, and also, a choice we did not make? Sad world we live in, really sad.....

Bimmerista · 11-14-2005, 05:07 PM

Frankly, if that is the way that girl feels, you are better off without her.

I agree completely that ignorance is the death of civilisations. That is why history keeps repeating itslef, no one bothers to learn it. After all the progression in terms of tolerance etc. it is sad that such statements are made in societies which are civilized and modern in many other respects. Unfortunately biggotry is still amongst us.

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bimmerista

Frankly, if that is the way that girl feels, you are better off without her.

I agree completely that ignorance is the death of civilisations. That is why history keeps repeating itslef, no one bothers to learn it. After all the progression in terms of tolerance etc. it is sad that such statements are made in societies which are civilized and modern in many other respects. Unfortunately biggotry is still amongst us.

I agree, and you're totally right. It's amazing that someone so attractive can become so unattractive in just one sentence.

I remember watching "CRASH" in my Soc. class this semster and after the movie the professor asked us if we had any comments or thoughts we wanted to share, only one person raised their hand. It's like the movie adressed everything we as people are not willing to talk about because we either a)can't accept it as being apart of reality, but it exsists for "other" people, or b)we're too afraid to talk about it in fear that we will disagree. I'm sure there are many other reasons but those are the two most prevelevant that come to mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only color blind human being that walks the face of this planet....

Bimmerista · 11-14-2005, 05:21 PM

BTW I love that movie- breaks all taboos in many ways.

It plays every now and then on one of our cable channels, I always make a point of watching it. I think I saw it 6-7 times and every time I get a slightly new angle on it (once you get over the cool s-x scenes).

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bimmerista

BTW I love that movie- breaks all taboos in many ways.

It plays every now and then on one of our cable channels, I always make a point of watching it. I think I saw it 6-7 times and every time I get a slightly new angle on it (once you get over the cool s-x scenes).

haha, then the phone rings... LoL, that bit was funny.

I'd recommend the movie to anyone, hell, it should be on network television UNEDITED, since society just doesn't get it.

Bimmerista · 11-14-2005, 05:30 PM

Agreed (on my cable network it plays late at night - unedited)

puck724 · 11-14-2005, 06:08 PM

i dont know if this counts but i couldnt go out with a girl because her parents didnt want her going out wiht anyone that was her ethnicity. their family is VERY traditional so i kinda understood it, i was bummed though. they are very cool people though, dont get me wrong. im still close to her family and to her. probably as close as 2 people can get without ever going out/dating/ being in a relationship.

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by puck724

i dont know if this counts but i couldnt go out with a girl because her parents didnt want her going out wiht anyone that was her ethnicity. their family is VERY traditional so i kinda understood it, i was bummed though. they are very cool people though, dont get me wrong. im still close to her family and to her. probably as close as 2 people can get without ever going out/dating/ being in a relationship.

In my PO there's no excuse for ignorance, even if it's "apart of the culuture", it's still ignorance looking at it from a broad and human prespective.

I have freinds that tell me that their parents will "disown" them if they ever were to date/marry someone outside their own race. If you ask me, those parents DON'T love their children, cuz if you love your kids, you will except them for who they are and the choices they make, so as long as those chioces aren't detremental to their well being nor are they undesirable from a general human point of view. My mom doesn't necessarily like some of the girls I've dated in past times, but it's for sure not because of their skin color.

deutschmann59 · 11-14-2005, 06:20 PM

E90-4life, I feel for you! This never happened to me, but it's a sad situation when people judge you based on physical characteristics--when physical characterists are the LEAST important.

I mean, being physically attracted to someone and being physically attractive to someone else is really important, and if there's no spark on one side or the other, then it can't work. That's just nature. But judging based on ethnicity is just stupid

But don't look at it as there's something wrong with you. Look at it from a perspective that she's just a traditional person, and that's just the way it has to be.

It isn't fair. We can't help who or what we are, but you can help the kind of person we are, and even though you're pissed, if you shrug it off and move one, you'll be the better person.

P.S.--take this advice with a grain of salt. I'm probably the worst person to be giving out advice. I have the worst luck with women! Don't even get me started!

Oh, and I won't tell you to "keep your head up because the right one will come along eventually" because I've found this to be a crock of

. Even a BMW can't help me

--course, I don't think I'd want the kind of girl that's only after money, anyway.

Good luck

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 06:27 PM

The girl is stupid hott if you saw her, but now she's super not hott thanks to her ignorant and narrow angle view of life, or attraction shall I say? I know it's not my problem, if I thought it was I'd be beating myself up about it. As for the quote 'the right one will come along" I have two things to say, yes, it is a crock of shiznit, and second "how long is long?"

As I've said before it's hard to have such an open mind when it seems like everyone else's is screwed tight, or permanently shut. I'll be dammed if I ever let other people change how I feel about anything just the same.

puck724 · 11-14-2005, 06:35 PM

also is hard to break away from what you know. i know with me all i see are all my cousins only going out with other asains, not to say that it is a bad thing, so its tough knowing that you will be the "first" one to stray from that. in the back of your mind your always going to think "whats going to happen"...

i said f-that and just went for it...lol...same with my younger brother...i think we will be the first to marry out of our enthnicity...my parents are cool with it too!! ...lol

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 06:40 PM

I know for a fact that the WIFEY(lol, love that word) will not be the same ethnicity as me. All thorughout my family EVERYONE is mixed, if you even so much as mention the particular name of any ethnic group around us, you will get the evil eye, we just don't generailze, AT ALL, in any way shape or form unless we're speaking in the context of a particular situation. It's unacceptable behavior for us, though at times we're still at odds w/ being human(aren't we all, we all generailze in one way or another). My mom says find someone you love and that has the same values as you do, that's what matters. Color is only what meets the eye, a person is more than skin deep. Wherever I go and I see a couple that consists of two different ethnicities, I'm extactic! Love knows no bounds......... NONE....

puck724 · 11-14-2005, 06:43 PM

preach on!

Nikki · 11-14-2005, 06:58 PM

I've haven't been rejected, per say, however I have kknown guys who tell me they prefer blondes, or asians, or latinos, girls that are very tan, etc. I've always been their exception.

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nikki

I've haven't been rejected, per say, however I have kknown guys who tell me they prefer blondes, or asians, or latinos, girls that are very tan, etc. I've always been their exception.

Hmm, you sound good to me! LoL, really. I'll probably get slapped as a contradiction for this, but I for sure prefer girls w/ darker features(eyes, hair) - gives me a broader range to choose from.

MonacoBlueNJ · 11-14-2005, 08:14 PM

What is wrong with not being atttracted to certain features in a person? People are attracted to blondes over brunnettes, skinny over fat, dark eyes over lighter eyes, etc.

Race definately carries with it certain "features," so what is wrong with saying you like whites instead of, say, asians or blacks? No matter how "open-minded" someone is, they may just not like someone with your features. Or maybe she would go out with someone of your ethnicity and just told you that to try and let you down easy. If she really was attracted to you, she would just date you and not tell her family or friends.

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 08:26 PM

Yeh, I'd agree w/ you , but I'm no ugly kid. I've also known this girl long enough to know she's not telling a fib.

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonacoBlueNJ

so what is wrong with saying you like whites instead of, say, asians or blacks?

If I said I liked "Whites" and not "Blacks" in the context of what type of girls I'm attracted to, that would be a very stupid way to word it as that could easily be misconscrewed as saying something compeletelly different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonacoBlueNJ

If she really was attracted to you, she would just date you and not tell her family or friends.

And how really would that work? I have yet to find someone that has sucessfully dated someone in that type of circumstance who wasn't found out. That also sounds a tad hostile, no need.

Squawks · 11-14-2005, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by E90-4life

Yeh, I'd agree w/ you , but I'm no ugly kid.

Dude, then it's your personality that has failed you.

Jocularity aside, the intelligent/non-superficial man would move on because her opinion is obviously a huge turn-off which luculently demonstrated her ignorance, like the OP has already said. Some people are ignorant, some aren't.

There are other people, fettered by their heavy cultural and familial ties, who refuse to go out with disparate ethnicities and races. While I wouldn't consider these people as ignorant as those who practice such abstinence via free-will, I would consider them as those who have not yet broken out of their thick shells of open-mindedness.

There are also others, like Monaco mentioned, who simply have a preference of certain ethnicities/races over the other. These people are not ignorant. Their proclivity is a good enough reason and they can't really be blamed. Move on. If this girl's one of them, then game over, dude - you simply lost - just gambol happily away, now.

P.S. - I've never been attracted to Asian girls all the way up to my 3rd year in college until I met this Asian bombshell/college-sweetheart who just blandished me with her personality and, of course, physical allure. I was looking forward to Latinas and Blancas...but oh well.

EDIT: In response to your very last sentence in your last post, Monaco is correct. If she really wanted you, she'd go out with you. A friend of mines, a Latina girl raised in a family who's extremely Catholic, went after a Chinese friend of mine. Kept it on the DL for quite some time and when her family found out a year later, they were pissed. But that didn't break them up - now they're engaged. Those freaks.

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 08:50 PM

It's quite obvious that I'm both over her and venting. Perhaps this isn't an excercise you indulge in every once in a while? Tough sh*t for me, I've got a ton of other girls, some of them just as if not even better looking than her. I just thought I'd share the experience, I don't apologize if you can't except my opinion and point or view.

I think it's actually ok to have a racial preference as far as who you date, I just wouldn't go up to someone and say "hey, I can't date you because your "blankety blank". That's a bit rude, dont you think?

E90-4life · 11-14-2005, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squawks

EDIT: In response to your very last sentence in your last post, Monaco is correct. If she really wanted you, she'd go out with you.

And that's very subjective. If your parents threatned to kick you out of the house, and you were a full time college kid, I dont really think you'd risk it.

Whether someone will go out w/ you or not isn't so much the question here, it's whether or not we should hold things against others because of factors that make up who they are, that they can't change?

BrunoT · 11-14-2005, 09:15 PM

So I guess now if someone isn't into your particular ethnicity they might as well be participating in ethnic cleansing?

There's a difference in treating people with respect and wanting to date them. It's not "ignorance" for someone to prefer something. It's just their preference. Respect that. Some people have cultural or religious prohibitions on dating outside of their particular group. Or they may have other reasons that aren't so noble. But ironically the ignorant ones are those who automatically label someone as "ignorant" because they have different values about interracial dating than they do.

I'm married now, but I'd date any ethnicity if I was attracted to the woman. But just because you're of mixed race it doesn't mean everyone else wants their kids to be. If you can't deal with their wishes and move on w/o casting stones or implying they're some kind of klan member, look in the mirror to see the intolerant one.

11-14-2005, 05:04 PM	#1
E90-4life auto pilot 266 Rep 822 Posts Drives: E60 M5 chilln on slicks Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: SoCal iTrader: (0)	Have you ever been rejected by the oppisite sex because of your ethnicity? This girl I've known for sometime that knows I like her told me today that she couldn't date me because of my ethnicity. I was a bit agitated and confused, and while people are entitled to their own opinions, I have an extremely low threshold for ignorance. I come from a mixed background, though I'm generally pigeonhold as being one thing or the other by other people, but who are we to penialize one another for something so superfical, and also, a choice we did not make? Sad world we live in, really sad..... Last edited by E90-4life; 11-14-2005 at 05:54 PM..
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11-14-2005, 05:07 PM	#2
Bimmerista Major General 82 Rep 5,732 Posts Drives: superstock Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada iTrader: (0)	Frankly, if that is the way that girl feels, you are better off without her. I agree completely that ignorance is the death of civilisations. That is why history keeps repeating itslef, no one bothers to learn it. After all the progression in terms of tolerance etc. it is sad that such statements are made in societies which are civilized and modern in many other respects. Unfortunately biggotry is still amongst us.
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11-14-2005, 05:21 PM	#4
Bimmerista Major General 82 Rep 5,732 Posts Drives: superstock Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada iTrader: (0)	BTW I love that movie- breaks all taboos in many ways. It plays every now and then on one of our cable channels, I always make a point of watching it. I think I saw it 6-7 times and every time I get a slightly new angle on it (once you get over the cool s-x scenes).
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11-14-2005, 05:30 PM	#6
Bimmerista Major General 82 Rep 5,732 Posts Drives: superstock Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada iTrader: (0)	Agreed (on my cable network it plays late at night - unedited)
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11-14-2005, 06:08 PM	#7
puck724 COLTS 4 LIFE!!! 99 Rep 1,746 Posts Drives: 2006 330i Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: california iTrader: (1) Garage List 2006 330i [0.00]	i dont know if this counts but i couldnt go out with a girl because her parents didnt want her going out wiht anyone that was her ethnicity. their family is VERY traditional so i kinda understood it, i was bummed though. they are very cool people though, dont get me wrong. im still close to her family and to her. probably as close as 2 people can get without ever going out/dating/ being in a relationship. __________________ 2006 330i --sapphire black--black leather --alumminum trim --premium package --cold weather package --park distace control --automatic transmission --navigation with iDrive
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11-14-2005, 06:20 PM	#9
deutschmann59 Captain 176 Rep 737 Posts Drives: 2006 325i Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: e90post.com iTrader: (0)	E90-4life, I feel for you! This never happened to me, but it's a sad situation when people judge you based on physical characteristics--when physical characterists are the LEAST important. I mean, being physically attracted to someone and being physically attractive to someone else is really important, and if there's no spark on one side or the other, then it can't work. That's just nature. But judging based on ethnicity is just stupid But don't look at it as there's something wrong with you. Look at it from a perspective that she's just a traditional person, and that's just the way it has to be. It isn't fair. We can't help who or what we are, but you can help the kind of person we are, and even though you're pissed, if you shrug it off and move one, you'll be the better person. P.S.--take this advice with a grain of salt. I'm probably the worst person to be giving out advice. I have the worst luck with women! Don't even get me started! Oh, and I won't tell you to "keep your head up because the right one will come along eventually" because I've found this to be a crock of . Even a BMW can't help me --course, I don't think I'd want the kind of girl that's only after money, anyway. Good luck
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11-14-2005, 06:27 PM	#10
E90-4life auto pilot 266 Rep 822 Posts Drives: E60 M5 chilln on slicks Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: SoCal iTrader: (0)	The girl is stupid hott if you saw her, but now she's super not hott thanks to her ignorant and narrow angle view of life, or attraction shall I say? I know it's not my problem, if I thought it was I'd be beating myself up about it. As for the quote 'the right one will come along" I have two things to say, yes, it is a crock of shiznit, and second "how long is long?" As I've said before it's hard to have such an open mind when it seems like everyone else's is screwed tight, or permanently shut. I'll be dammed if I ever let other people change how I feel about anything just the same.
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11-14-2005, 06:35 PM	#11
puck724 COLTS 4 LIFE!!! 99 Rep 1,746 Posts Drives: 2006 330i Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: california iTrader: (1) Garage List 2006 330i [0.00]	also is hard to break away from what you know. i know with me all i see are all my cousins only going out with other asains, not to say that it is a bad thing, so its tough knowing that you will be the "first" one to stray from that. in the back of your mind your always going to think "whats going to happen"... i said f-that and just went for it...lol...same with my younger brother...i think we will be the first to marry out of our enthnicity...my parents are cool with it too!! ...lol __________________ 2006 330i --sapphire black--black leather --alumminum trim --premium package --cold weather package --park distace control --automatic transmission --navigation with iDrive
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11-14-2005, 06:40 PM	#12
E90-4life auto pilot 266 Rep 822 Posts Drives: E60 M5 chilln on slicks Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: SoCal iTrader: (0)	I know for a fact that the WIFEY(lol, love that word) will not be the same ethnicity as me. All thorughout my family EVERYONE is mixed, if you even so much as mention the particular name of any ethnic group around us, you will get the evil eye, we just don't generailze, AT ALL, in any way shape or form unless we're speaking in the context of a particular situation. It's unacceptable behavior for us, though at times we're still at odds w/ being human(aren't we all, we all generailze in one way or another). My mom says find someone you love and that has the same values as you do, that's what matters. Color is only what meets the eye, a person is more than skin deep. Wherever I go and I see a couple that consists of two different ethnicities, I'm extactic! Love knows no bounds......... NONE....
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11-14-2005, 06:43 PM	#13
puck724 COLTS 4 LIFE!!! 99 Rep 1,746 Posts Drives: 2006 330i Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: california iTrader: (1) Garage List 2006 330i [0.00]	preach on! __________________ 2006 330i --sapphire black--black leather --alumminum trim --premium package --cold weather package --park distace control --automatic transmission --navigation with iDrive
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11-14-2005, 06:58 PM	#14
Nikki Major General 990 Rep 6,381 Posts Drives: Sepang Z4MC Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: LA iTrader: (9)	I've haven't been rejected, per say, however I have kknown guys who tell me they prefer blondes, or asians, or latinos, girls that are very tan, etc. I've always been their exception. __________________ Nikki
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11-14-2005, 08:14 PM	#16
MonacoBlueNJ Private First Class 2 Rep 145 Posts Drives: Monaco Blue 330i Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Central NJ iTrader: (0)	What is wrong with not being atttracted to certain features in a person? People are attracted to blondes over brunnettes, skinny over fat, dark eyes over lighter eyes, etc. Race definately carries with it certain "features," so what is wrong with saying you like whites instead of, say, asians or blacks? No matter how "open-minded" someone is, they may just not like someone with your features. Or maybe she would go out with someone of your ethnicity and just told you that to try and let you down easy. If she really was attracted to you, she would just date you and not tell her family or friends.
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11-14-2005, 08:26 PM	#17
E90-4life auto pilot 266 Rep 822 Posts Drives: E60 M5 chilln on slicks Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: SoCal iTrader: (0)	Yeh, I'd agree w/ you , but I'm no ugly kid. I've also known this girl long enough to know she's not telling a fib.
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11-14-2005, 08:50 PM	#20
E90-4life auto pilot 266 Rep 822 Posts Drives: E60 M5 chilln on slicks Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: SoCal iTrader: (0)	It's quite obvious that I'm both over her and venting. Perhaps this isn't an excercise you indulge in every once in a while? Tough sh*t for me, I've got a ton of other girls, some of them just as if not even better looking than her. I just thought I'd share the experience, I don't apologize if you can't except my opinion and point or view. I think it's actually ok to have a racial preference as far as who you date, I just wouldn't go up to someone and say "hey, I can't date you because your "blankety blank". That's a bit rude, dont you think?
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11-14-2005, 09:15 PM	#22
BrunoT Second Lieutenant 9 Rep 242 Posts Drives: 2012 F-150 Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Atlanta, GA iTrader: (0)	So I guess now if someone isn't into your particular ethnicity they might as well be participating in ethnic cleansing? There's a difference in treating people with respect and wanting to date them. It's not "ignorance" for someone to prefer something. It's just their preference. Respect that. Some people have cultural or religious prohibitions on dating outside of their particular group. Or they may have other reasons that aren't so noble. But ironically the ignorant ones are those who automatically label someone as "ignorant" because they have different values about interracial dating than they do. I'm married now, but I'd date any ethnicity if I was attracted to the woman. But just because you're of mixed race it doesn't mean everyone else wants their kids to be. If you can't deal with their wishes and move on w/o casting stones or implying they're some kind of klan member, look in the mirror to see the intolerant one.
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