|
|
|
|
|
|
BMW Garage | BMW Meets | Register | Today's Posts | Search |
|
BMW 3-Series (E90 E92) Forum
>
Clarksonisms
|
|
03-11-2011, 03:17 AM | #1 |
Major General
138
Rep 6,912
Posts |
Clarksonisms
"I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like
having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch." "The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany ." Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom." On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with 't' and it isn't soot." "The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite." "The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw." "Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?" "This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying 'Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases." "I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?" Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong." " Britain 's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access." "Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show... so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!" On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory." "Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer." "I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time." "There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face." "Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps." "You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!" "Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President." On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis."
__________________
E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
|
03-11-2011, 03:32 AM | #2 |
First Lieutenant
6
Rep 363
Posts
Drives: BMW 335i SE
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Slough, London UK
|
"You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to
Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!" LOL
__________________
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 04:27 AM | #4 |
Brigadier General
191
Rep 4,655
Posts |
That's moslty why I like him - he says things like me and I have a similar train of thought about exaggerating stuff.
I think the people who get really wound up by it all are probably taking him too seriously.... Matt |
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 04:28 AM | #5 |
Major
30
Rep 1,301
Posts
Drives: 2011 320d e92
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Bournemouth
|
They're very good
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 04:28 AM | #6 |
Captain
65
Rep 824
Posts
Drives: BMW 530e G30
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Leeds
|
I think hes brilliant! been waiting endlessly for tickets to top gear but still nothing! the waiting list is loooooooooooooooong
__________________
BMW 530e G30
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 04:30 AM | #7 |
Major
30
Rep 1,301
Posts
Drives: 2011 320d e92
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Bournemouth
|
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 04:31 AM | #8 | |
Captain
65
Rep 824
Posts
Drives: BMW 530e G30
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Leeds
|
Quote:
but seriously i have been on the list (supposodly) for 2-3 years now and still nothing!!?
__________________
BMW 530e G30
|
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 04:40 AM | #9 |
Major
30
Rep 1,301
Posts
Drives: 2011 320d e92
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Bournemouth
|
I've been on for about the same amount of time. I'm going to put my 12 year old daughter on the list and maybe she will get on the show by the time she is in her twenties.
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 04:44 AM | #10 |
Dieseasal
204
Rep 6,881
Posts |
__________________
Previously: 2003 Peugeot 206 1.6 8v | 2006 E90 320d M-Sport, 19" BBS CH, Full Ice-cold JL audio install, August 2010 Total BMW 6 page feature car. | 2003 Nissan 350Z GT Coupe 286BHP
Now:2010 E92 LCI 335d M-Sport |
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 04:46 AM | #11 |
Banned
175
Rep 4,302
Posts
Drives: M135i
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South West
|
Richard Porter does a lot of script writing for them and writes for Evo too.
"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?" |
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 05:14 AM | #12 |
Major General
138
Rep 6,912
Posts |
Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.
__________________
E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 05:16 AM | #13 |
Lieutenant Colonel
24
Rep 1,872
Posts |
Ha ha they are very funny
__________________
E90 Msport, black leather, front seat heating,6Fl, bluetooth,sun protection glass,Alpine upgrade,non rft's
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-11-2011, 05:33 AM | #14 | |
Major
30
Rep 1,301
Posts
Drives: 2011 320d e92
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Bournemouth
|
Quote:
No I don't want to know the secret to losing wrinkles,whitening my teeth or losing my beer belly. Or maybe it's just the cookies that I have got stored. |
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-12-2011, 05:33 AM | #15 | |
Private First Class
2
Rep 127
Posts |
Quote:
What are internet ads? |
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-12-2011, 06:02 AM | #16 | |
Colonel
73
Rep 2,396
Posts |
Quote:
Richard Porter features on the "Gareth Jones on Speed" one and he's fantastic. Unfortunately Gareth Jones himself (sone of you may remember him as Gaz Top from kids TV in the 80's) is a bit of a knob but you take the rough with the smooth.
__________________
Gone but not forgotten:
325i M Sport (E92), Black Sapphire, Coral Red Dakota, 19" 225's, Seat Heating, 6FL and de-badge Replaced by 6.2 litres of AMG powered C class. |
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-12-2011, 01:52 PM | #17 |
The Tarmac Terrorist
945
Rep 29,345
Posts
Drives: 997.2 GT3
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ''Fandango Towers''
|
He is ace! Rememeber him saying most of them!
__________________
997.2 GT3
|
Appreciate
0
|
03-13-2011, 04:33 AM | #18 | |
Major
30
Rep 1,301
Posts
Drives: 2011 320d e92
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Bournemouth
|
Quote:
|
|
Appreciate
0
|
Bookmarks |
|
|