[R4R]

She was only a builders daughter but she wouldn't let the Borough Surveyor


I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin"?
I said, "No, permanent."

I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said,
"Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."


I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing
Queen on it. I thought, "That's Aboriginal."

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the
packet. 'Best Before End'

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue."
I said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle."
The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?"


I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember
his name, it's P something T something R.

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't
put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered
just went on and on.

The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of
voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin
opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana."
He said, "No, this is for the custard."

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very
thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you
having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not
promising you anything."

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a
skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says
"Audi!" .

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how
to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't
make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

[ed335d]

I love those

[Geoffo]

lol.