BMW Jokes

tony20009 · 11-06-2013, 07:04 PM

Got any jokes that poke good natured fun at us and/or our cars?

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."

ken1137 · 11-06-2013, 07:08 PM

Here ...

http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneou.../bmwjokes.html

Mardio · 11-06-2013, 07:32 PM

Good one...

yousefnjr · 11-06-2013, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ken1137

Here ...

http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneou.../bmwjokes.html

Jokes in there are so bad I just have to point them out and comment

Quote:

BMW One Liners

So you're in high school and you drive a BMW? You must know all about hard work then. Two lines, and neither are funny

I would give both my testies[SIC] for a new BMW.
Not a joke

If you see someone driving a BMW, stay away! Research shows that BMW drivers are the rudest on the road. Funny, because the research really hasn't been done!

You wanna [wanna = want to]man that drives a BMW, but your dad drives a Toyota. Why you can't be humble like your mom?
Genuine laughs were had here

I just saw a BMW driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice. Should I report the vehicle as stolen? Three lines

A girl who swallows is like owning a BMW, You don't need it, but it's nice to have. Sensible statement on oral sex out of nowhere

Twix · 11-06-2013, 09:28 PM

Bavarian Manure Wagon.

Desmo85 · 11-07-2013, 11:24 AM

I ll translate these:

My new Distance warning Device, everytime the distance is more than 2 meters it beeps.

Glad we found a shadowy spot.

BMW Driving School:

Not this Mister Miller!! First the Indicators then the Highbeams!!

Take as many pictures as you want, he got to get used to the flashing. (Radar Box Flashing)

BMW Drivers!!!! I am driving too fast already and he still wants to pass me!!

BMW for the first season at Formula 1:
BMW for the first time this season. Good to recognice on the Highbeams!

Ey what the heck?? Whos the BMW Driver Now?

1. Move it asshole!!
2.I ram your trunk into your glovebox!
3.Okay, I ll take this one.

Twix · 11-07-2013, 08:17 PM

The last two were actually pretty good.

Twix · 11-07-2013, 08:17 PM

The last two were actually pretty good.

newoldbeemer · 11-07-2013, 09:07 PM

This isn't a joke, but when I went with my family to take delivery of our F30, all the paperwork was done and then the salesman did a walkthrough of the car and then I noticed the taillamp had a flaw (it was jutting out and was misfit). The salesman asked me to take it to the shop (service side). By then my family was sitting inside the car waiting for me.

So I jump into the car, everyone is excited about the new car and my mom asks "Where are we going first?"

"To the repair shop of course!"

"That was sooner than I expected, even for a BMW."

brad850csi · 11-07-2013, 09:07 PM

I feel like BMW themselves made the best BMW joke

tony20009 · 11-08-2013, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newoldbeemer

This isn't a joke, but when I went with my family to take delivery of our F30, all the paperwork was done and then the salesman did a walkthrough of the car and then I noticed the taillamp had a flaw (it was jutting out and was misfit). The salesman asked me to take it to the shop (service side). By then my family was sitting inside the car waiting for me.

So I jump into the car, everyone is excited about the new car and my mom asks "Where are we going first?"

"To the repair shop of course!"

"That was sooner than I expected, even for a BMW."

That was good!!!

tony20009 · 11-08-2013, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newoldbeemer

This isn't a joke, but when I went with my family to take delivery of our F30, all the paperwork was done and then the salesman did a walkthrough of the car and then I noticed the taillamp had a flaw (it was jutting out and was misfit). The salesman asked me to take it to the shop (service side). By then my family was sitting inside the car waiting for me.

So I jump into the car, everyone is excited about the new car and my mom asks "Where are we going first?"

"To the repair shop of course!"

"That was sooner than I expected, even for a BMW."

That was good!!!

///M Power-Belgium · 11-08-2013, 08:20 AM

Still...The best !

BzsBimmer · 11-08-2013, 08:20 AM

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW

The porcupine has its pricks on the outside

11-06-2013, 07:04 PM	#1
tony20009 Major General 1042 Rep 5,660 Posts Drives: BMW 335i - Coupe Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Washington, DC iTrader: (0)	BMW Jokes Got any jokes that poke good natured fun at us and/or our cars? A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the Top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price." __________________ Cheers, Tony ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ '07, e92 335i, *Sparkling Graphite, Coral Leather, Aluminum, 6-speed*
	Appreciate 4 quick6750.50 ///M Power-Belgium63062.00 BMWGirlFL6265.00 ..Rush..973.50 Tweet

11-06-2013, 07:08 PM	#2
ken1137 Brigadier General 89 Rep 3,732 Posts Drives: BMW S1000XR Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Gilbert, AZ iTrader: (7) Garage List 2009 e90 335i [6.40]	Here ... http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneou.../bmwjokes.html __________________ BMWCCA member
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11-06-2013, 07:32 PM	#3
Mardio Brigadier General 197 Rep 3,211 Posts Drives: 2017 X5 Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Nashville iTrader: (0)	Good one...
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11-06-2013, 09:28 PM	#5
Twix Lieutenant Colonel 653 Rep 1,922 Posts Drives: 2011 e91 Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Calgary, AB, Canada iTrader: (0) Garage List 2011 BMW 328i xDriv ... [0.00] 2002 Land Rover Dis ... [0.00]	Bavarian Manure Wagon.
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11-07-2013, 11:24 AM	#6
Desmo85 First Lieutenant 81 Rep 329 Posts Drives: E60 / E87 / E89 Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: SoBe iTrader: (0)	I ll translate these: My new Distance warning Device, everytime the distance is more than 2 meters it beeps. Glad we found a shadowy spot. BMW Driving School: Not this Mister Miller!! First the Indicators then the Highbeams!! Take as many pictures as you want, he got to get used to the flashing. (Radar Box Flashing) BMW Drivers!!!! I am driving too fast already and he still wants to pass me!! BMW for the first season at Formula 1: BMW for the first time this season. Good to recognice on the Highbeams! Ey what the heck?? Whos the BMW Driver Now? 1. Move it asshole!! 2.I ram your trunk into your glovebox! 3.Okay, I ll take this one.
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11-07-2013, 08:17 PM	#7
Twix Lieutenant Colonel 653 Rep 1,922 Posts Drives: 2011 e91 Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Calgary, AB, Canada iTrader: (0) Garage List 2011 BMW 328i xDriv ... [0.00] 2002 Land Rover Dis ... [0.00]	The last two were actually pretty good.
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11-07-2013, 09:07 PM	#9
newoldbeemer Major 266 Rep 1,093 Posts Drives: 2012 E92 328i Join Date: May 2013 Location: San Jose iTrader: (0)	This isn't a joke, but when I went with my family to take delivery of our F30, all the paperwork was done and then the salesman did a walkthrough of the car and then I noticed the taillamp had a flaw (it was jutting out and was misfit). The salesman asked me to take it to the shop (service side). By then my family was sitting inside the car waiting for me. So I jump into the car, everyone is excited about the new car and my mom asks "Where are we going first?" "To the repair shop of course!" "That was sooner than I expected, even for a BMW."
	Appreciate 0

11-07-2013, 09:07 PM	#10
brad850csi Colonel 1316 Rep 2,349 Posts Drives: 16 F13 M6 Comp Join Date: Jan 2015 Location: Auckland, New Zealand iTrader: (0)	I feel like BMW themselves made the best BMW joke Attached Images
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11-08-2013, 08:20 AM	#13
///M Power-Belgium General 63062 Rep 24,605 Posts Drives: ///M3-E92-DCT Silverstone II Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Belgium iTrader: (0)	Still...The best ! Attached Images __________________ "MAX VERSTAPPEN" IS THE 2021+2022+2023 F1 WORLD CHAMPION - #UnLeashTheLion BPM DEV-Tune & DCT Software-Tune & Servotronic & coding ///Alpine HID Angeleyes ///Oem.exhaust mod.
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11-08-2013, 08:20 AM	#14
BzsBimmer Major General 3252 Rep 6,715 Posts Drives: '23 G80 FO M3, M3 & MY Tezzy's Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Nor. Cal iTrader: (32)	What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW The porcupine has its pricks on the outside
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