Eddie's own joke thread...

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 01:02 PM

I know this girl who gets shagged by different guys every night of the week behind the petrol station at the top of the road.
She's a Total slut.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 01:02 PM

I saw an article in a magazine titled, '10 ways to make your wife come'.

I didn't bother reading it though, I'm too busy searching for 1 way to make her go.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 01:03 PM

I just strained a calf.

Serves me right for not lubing up.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 01:04 PM

I was at a car boot sale when I came to a stall that appeared to be selling a second hand dildo for 50p . The lady swore blind that it was actually a back massager.

Something smelt fishy to me though.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 01:06 PM

Scientists now believe that if you masturbate frequently you have a greater chance of developing Tourettes in later life.
How the fuck these cuntbrained arseholes come up with these cocksucking titwank ideas is beyond me, fucksake!..

Dr Dave · 05-30-2010, 01:10 PM

That's terrible!!!

My daughter wants to know what I'm laughing at!!!!!!!!!

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 01:56 PM

What's red and full of splinters?

Heather Mills' dog's cock.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 02:03 PM

I just watched a film about a guy who gets off on women crying.

It was a real tear-jerker.

Dr Dave · 05-30-2010, 02:08 PM

Absolutely brilliant Ed!

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:38 PM

My wife says I exaggerate the amount of time I work so I don't have to spend time with her.

I'd like to see her work 12 days a week 576 days a year.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:39 PM

I was driving through a town the other day and saw a sign that said: "Slow Down. Please Consider Our Kids."

So I did.

But the ones I saw were all fat and ugly, so I kept going.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:39 PM

Got this bird back to mine last night and she said, "Please, wank all over my hairy fanny".

"No," I said, "now fuck off".

I don't like to beat about the bush.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:48 PM

My friend said I that I wouldn't have the bollox to make up a joke about the spillage that's recently happened on the gulf of Mexico.

Oil sea about that.

willhollin · 05-30-2010, 03:49 PM

Can I have my own picture thread?

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:49 PM

I just found out I need to have an operation to relieve my increased intercranial pressure.

Great, I needed that news like I need a fucking hole in the head.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:49 PM

Don't you hate it when you're sat watching porn and your wife walks in the room?

And then in scene 3 she allows the porn star to fuck her up the arse but not you?

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willhollin

Can I have my own picture thread?

Please Tony, please

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:51 PM

BBC News: Ice cream van driver hurt in crash in Northampton.

Eyewitnesses said " The Police were there like a Rocket, did a Fab job and soon had the area coned off.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:51 PM

Having just punched a midget selling watches, I know I've hit an all time low.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:52 PM

I was climbing Big Ben for charity, when all of a sudden my rope broke and I fell!

But luckily I got snagged on the big hand of the clock, and then I thought...

Hang on a minute...

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:53 PM

My wife loves it when we barbecue because it's the one day of the year that she doesn't have to do the cooking...

...Inside.

ed335d · 05-30-2010, 03:55 PM

I said to the wife. " Is there a new energy drink called Bingo that you've been drinking?"

She said. "No, why?"

I pointed at her fat arms and said. "Well what the fuck is giving you the wings?"

05-30-2010, 01:02 PM	#89
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I know this girl who gets shagged by different guys every night of the week behind the petrol station at the top of the road. She's a Total slut. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 01:02 PM	#90
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I saw an article in a magazine titled, '10 ways to make your wife come'. I didn't bother reading it though, I'm too busy searching for 1 way to make her go. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 01:03 PM	#91
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I just strained a calf. Serves me right for not lubing up. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 01:04 PM	#92
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I was at a car boot sale when I came to a stall that appeared to be selling a second hand dildo for 50p . The lady swore blind that it was actually a back massager. Something smelt fishy to me though. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 01:06 PM	#93
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	Scientists now believe that if you masturbate frequently you have a greater chance of developing Tourettes in later life. How the fuck these cuntbrained arseholes come up with these cocksucking titwank ideas is beyond me, fucksake!.. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 01:10 PM	#94
Dr Dave Zummerzet Zyder Drinker! 112 Rep 5,541 Posts Drives: '06 330D Le Mans Blue Join Date: May 2009 Location: Somerset iTrader: (3) Garage List 2006 330d M Sport [0.00]	That's terrible!!! My daughter wants to know what I'm laughing at!!!!!!!!! __________________
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05-30-2010, 01:56 PM	#95
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	What's red and full of splinters? Heather Mills' dog's cock. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 02:03 PM	#96
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I just watched a film about a guy who gets off on women crying. It was a real tear-jerker. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 02:08 PM	#97
Dr Dave Zummerzet Zyder Drinker! 112 Rep 5,541 Posts Drives: '06 330D Le Mans Blue Join Date: May 2009 Location: Somerset iTrader: (3) Garage List 2006 330d M Sport [0.00]	Absolutely brilliant Ed! __________________
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05-30-2010, 03:38 PM	#98
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	My wife says I exaggerate the amount of time I work so I don't have to spend time with her. I'd like to see her work 12 days a week 576 days a year. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:39 PM	#99
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I was driving through a town the other day and saw a sign that said: "Slow Down. Please Consider Our Kids." So I did. But the ones I saw were all fat and ugly, so I kept going. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:39 PM	#100
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	Got this bird back to mine last night and she said, "Please, wank all over my hairy fanny". "No," I said, "now fuck off". I don't like to beat about the bush. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:48 PM	#101
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	My friend said I that I wouldn't have the bollox to make up a joke about the spillage that's recently happened on the gulf of Mexico. Oil sea about that. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:49 PM	#102
willhollin Major General 268 Rep 9,915 Posts Drives: VW T5 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Worcestershire iTrader: (1) Garage List 2007 BMW E92 330d SE [10.00] 2010 Transporter T5 ... [0.00]	Can I have my own picture thread? __________________
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05-30-2010, 03:49 PM	#103
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I just found out I need to have an operation to relieve my increased intercranial pressure. Great, I needed that news like I need a fucking hole in the head. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:49 PM	#104
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	Don't you hate it when you're sat watching porn and your wife walks in the room? And then in scene 3 she allows the porn star to fuck her up the arse but not you? __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:51 PM	#106
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	BBC News: Ice cream van driver hurt in crash in Northampton. Eyewitnesses said " The Police were there like a Rocket, did a Fab job and soon had the area coned off. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:51 PM	#107
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	Having just punched a midget selling watches, I know I've hit an all time low. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:52 PM	#108
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I was climbing Big Ben for charity, when all of a sudden my rope broke and I fell! But luckily I got snagged on the big hand of the clock, and then I thought... Hang on a minute... __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:53 PM	#109
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	My wife loves it when we barbecue because it's the one day of the year that she doesn't have to do the cooking... ...Inside. __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-30-2010, 03:55 PM	#110
ed335d Major General 141 Rep 6,912 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Surrey, UK iTrader: (3)	I said to the wife. " Is there a new energy drink called Bingo that you've been drinking?" She said. "No, why?" I pointed at her fat arms and said. "Well what the fuck is giving you the wings?" __________________ E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
	Appreciate 0 Quote