Post something funny...

Socket · 05-07-2015, 08:29 AM

Find something funny worth sharing?

naynay · 05-07-2015, 06:19 PM

JJH · 05-07-2015, 06:19 PM

Two little boys are in hospital and are having their operations the next morning.

Theirs will be first on the schedule.

The older boy leans over and asks, "what are you having done?"

The second boy says, "I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid."

The first boy says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of jelly and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second boy then asks, "What are you going in for?"

The first boy says, "Circumcision."

"Whoa!" the smaller boy replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born.

Couldn't walk for a year."

Socket · 05-08-2015, 12:53 AM

Ha ha hee Ha to these

Nice contributions lads

Socket · 05-08-2015, 12:55 AM

Ha ha

DR-JEKL · 05-08-2015, 05:17 AM

Nice one socket!

Got this one the other day and it amused me:

Lloyd came home one night from a long day at work,

slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said,

'You died in your sleep, Lloyd.'

Lloyd was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be!

I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go

back, and that is as a chicken.'

Lloyd was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm

near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers,

clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh?

How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Lloyd the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside.

Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never

laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Lloyd.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.

He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of

his head, and heard.....

"Lloyd, wake up! You shit the bed!"

Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be !!

Socket · 05-08-2015, 05:56 AM

[QUOTE=DR-JEKL;17876352]Nice one socket!

Got this one the other day and it amused me:

I seriously laughed out loud at this one DRJ... Missus came over to see what I was laughing about and rolled her eyes lol

Scotty89 · 05-08-2015, 06:44 AM

Think I might have even got this one from here last time...

Socket · 05-08-2015, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scotty89

Think I might have even got this one from here last time...

Ha haa haa

Scotty89 · 05-08-2015, 07:05 AM

Socket · 05-08-2015, 07:20 AM

Scotty89 · 05-08-2015, 07:42 AM

Braap Braap Putin

Socket · 05-08-2015, 08:50 AM

CashedUpBogan · 05-08-2015, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Socket

Hang in there Heath... get all your shitty experiences out of the way in one go and then enjoy years of trouble free motoring

Years of trouble free motoring. In a tuned N54 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CashedUpBogan · 05-08-2015, 11:01 AM

No shit Socket. Funniest thing I've read all year. Anywhere.

Socket · 05-08-2015, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CashedUpBogan

No shit Socket. Funniest thing I've read all year. Anywhere.

Socket takes a bow

JJH · 05-10-2015, 07:15 PM

Blonde genies

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.

He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door.

He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan robes. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods — it's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, “I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me.”

Socket · 05-11-2015, 03:24 AM

Lol nice one

335i-boy · 05-11-2015, 05:36 AM

Good one JJ.

SPJ · 05-15-2015, 12:07 AM

http://www.jimmy540i.com/bmwnightmare.htm

Socket · 05-15-2015, 05:03 AM

Ha ha

JJH · 05-17-2015, 06:49 PM

This is why sentence structure is so crucial...

Business was terrible and not picking up. The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said, " Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.”

Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit".

05-07-2015, 08:29 AM	#1
Socket Lieutenant General 4542 Rep 11,903 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (4) Garage List 2008 BMW E92 [0.00]	Post something funny... Find something funny worth sharing? Attached Images
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05-07-2015, 06:19 PM	#2
naynay Banned 178 Rep 1,426 Posts Drives: 2006 E92 335i FBO Join Date: May 2013 Location: Melbourne Australia iTrader: (0)
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05-07-2015, 06:19 PM	#3
JJH Major 544 Rep 1,107 Posts Drives: IB E92 M3 DCT; SG E90 325i Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Canberra, Australia iTrader: (1)	Two little boys are in hospital and are having their operations the next morning. Theirs will be first on the schedule. The older boy leans over and asks, "what are you having done?" The second boy says, "I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid." The first boy says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of jelly and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second boy then asks, "What are you going in for?" The first boy says, "Circumcision." "Whoa!" the smaller boy replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year." __________________
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-08-2015, 12:53 AM	#4
Socket Lieutenant General 4542 Rep 11,903 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (4) Garage List 2008 BMW E92 [0.00]	Ha ha hee Ha to these Nice contributions lads
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05-08-2015, 12:55 AM	#5
Socket Lieutenant General 4542 Rep 11,903 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (4) Garage List 2008 BMW E92 [0.00]	Ha ha Attached Images
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05-08-2015, 05:17 AM	#6
DR-JEKL Major General 898 Rep 6,285 Posts Drives: Space Grey E92 335i 6MT Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Newcastle Ozstraylia iTrader: (3)	Nice one socket! Got this one the other day and it amused me: Lloyd came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Lloyd.' Lloyd was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Lloyd was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?' 'Not bad,' replied Lloyd the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!' 'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?' 'Never,' said Lloyd. 'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal. He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard..... "Lloyd, wake up! You shit the bed!" Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be !!
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-08-2015, 05:56 AM	#7
Socket Lieutenant General 4542 Rep 11,903 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (4) Garage List 2008 BMW E92 [0.00]	[QUOTE=DR-JEKL;17876352]Nice one socket! Got this one the other day and it amused me: I seriously laughed out loud at this one DRJ... Missus came over to see what I was laughing about and rolled her eyes lol
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05-08-2015, 06:44 AM	#8
Scotty89 Buy a 335 they said... It'll be fun they said... 117 Rep 995 Posts Drives: 2007 E92 335i Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: Melbourne, Australia iTrader: (0) Garage List 2007 BMW 335i [10.00]	Think I might have even got this one from here last time... Attached Images
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05-08-2015, 07:05 AM	#10
Scotty89 Buy a 335 they said... It'll be fun they said... 117 Rep 995 Posts Drives: 2007 E92 335i Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: Melbourne, Australia iTrader: (0) Garage List 2007 BMW 335i [10.00]	Attached Images
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05-08-2015, 07:20 AM	#11
Socket Lieutenant General 4542 Rep 11,903 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (4) Garage List 2008 BMW E92 [0.00]	Attached Images
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05-08-2015, 07:42 AM	#12
Scotty89 Buy a 335 they said... It'll be fun they said... 117 Rep 995 Posts Drives: 2007 E92 335i Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: Melbourne, Australia iTrader: (0) Garage List 2007 BMW 335i [10.00]	Braap Braap Putin Attached Images
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05-08-2015, 08:50 AM	#13
Socket Lieutenant General 4542 Rep 11,903 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (4) Garage List 2008 BMW E92 [0.00]
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05-08-2015, 11:01 AM	#15
CashedUpBogan Lieutenant Colonel 281 Rep 1,808 Posts Drives: State Transit Bus Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (0)	No shit Socket. Funniest thing I've read all year. Anywhere.
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05-10-2015, 07:15 PM	#17
JJH Major 544 Rep 1,107 Posts Drives: IB E92 M3 DCT; SG E90 325i Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Canberra, Australia iTrader: (1)	Blonde genies A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear. The next thing the guy knows he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills. Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan robes. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods — it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, “I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me.” __________________
	Appreciate 0 Quote

05-11-2015, 03:24 AM	#18
Socket Lieutenant General 4542 Rep 11,903 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (4) Garage List 2008 BMW E92 [0.00]	Lol nice one
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05-11-2015, 05:36 AM	#19
335i-boy Lieutenant 15 Rep 457 Posts Drives: E92 335i M-Sport Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Australia iTrader: (0)	Good one JJ. __________________ 2008 E92 335i M-Sport \| Sapphire Black \| Sunroof \| Creme Beige \| Poplar Grey \| Logic 7 \| 6AT \| 19" AG M359's \| Michelin PS4S \| LUX V3 \| MHD V5 E40 \| Steve AZ Walbro inline \| Vishnu DCI \| BMS CP \| AR Design Catless DP's \| Forge DV's \| Helix IC \| (Stock Cat. back) \|
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05-15-2015, 12:07 AM	#20
SPJ Private First Class 10 Rep 183 Posts Drives: 2007 335i Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Melb iTrader: (0)	http://www.jimmy540i.com/bmwnightmare.htm
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05-15-2015, 05:03 AM	#21
Socket Lieutenant General 4542 Rep 11,903 Posts Drives: 335i Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Australia iTrader: (4) Garage List 2008 BMW E92 [0.00]	Ha ha
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05-17-2015, 06:49 PM	#22
JJH Major 544 Rep 1,107 Posts Drives: IB E92 M3 DCT; SG E90 325i Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Canberra, Australia iTrader: (1)	One for the start of a new week This is why sentence structure is so crucial... Business was terrible and not picking up. The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said, " Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.” Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit". __________________
	Appreciate 0 Quote