Carl please can you teach us some more Essex Slang

Gibbo · 05-05-2008, 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dxb335d

Guys + Gels, it is Heart warming to know you all think about me/post about me when im away!

You must all miss me so much when im not posting

Oh and Derv, you are ''The Man'' thanks for the free plug of me booooksie!!

You are back. Now come on share a few more words of wisdom.

beemerbird · 05-05-2008, 04:28 PM

Yeah c'mon Carlos - we're waiting with baited breath.

dxb335d · 05-05-2008, 04:30 PM

Will have to be tomoz im going to bedsie, im fooooooooooooooooooooked

vivekk · 05-06-2008, 03:37 PM

I managed to find a few of Carl's 'hidden gems'- so 'hidden' in fact, you'll probably never find them.

One of Carl's earliest publications was in collaboration with the AA.
It really is a piece of work no Essex driver should be with(out).

After a number of days of 'messing' at work, Carl decided to re-work his original 'Complete Idiot's Guide to Project Management' another 42 times before he was completely happy with it.
There were some management problems involved at various stages of the project, apparently.

Following his amazing work on the 'Shamzie in Suburbia' series of books, Carl created his monumental 'Urban Dictionary'.

I always take it to London with me, although I've never yet needed to use it, unfortunately.

After a series of unfortunate posts, Carl decided to go ahead with 'Jiggery Pokery'- his tales of dancing to traditional Irish music.

All the best.

Viv

Gibbo · 05-06-2008, 04:02 PM

50 drives in Esswah Love it. All good stuff but Carl is yet to teach us some new words.

dxb335d · 05-06-2008, 04:24 PM

THATS frickin awesome viv... i need them printed off for covers for some random books in ma room

Love it!

vivekk · 05-07-2008, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dxb335d

THATS frickin awesome viv... i need them printed off for covers for some random books in ma room

Love it!

I thought you'd like them in your 'library', Carlwah!

Viv

DervFan · 05-07-2008, 03:17 PM

All hail the photochop King

vivekk · 05-07-2008, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DervFan

All hail the photochop King

Thanks DF.

I was having a look at the cover of 'Carl's Guide to the Kama Sutra- Essex Stylee', but I was laughing too much to post it.

Viv

DervFan · 05-07-2008, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivekk

Thanks DF.

I was having a look at the cover of 'Carl's Guide to the Kama Sutra- Essex Stylee', but I was laughing too much to post it.

Viv

Viv, you just have to post it.

As Mrs Doyle would say, Go on, Go on, Go on.....

dxb335d · 05-07-2008, 03:45 PM

Post it Vivergei!

vivekk · 05-07-2008, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DervFan

Viv, you just have to post it.

As Mrs Doyle would say, Go on, Go on, Go on.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by dxb335d

Post it Vivergei!

Well.....ok then.

One of Carl's less well-known publications is 'Adventurous Sex....Essex Stylee'.
Apparently, Hugh Heffner learned a few things from this, one of which was to leave the book well alone.

Viv

beemerbird · 05-07-2008, 04:12 PM

Brilliant Viv.

Daren't ask what Carlos would use the hard hat light for.

vivekk · 05-07-2008, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beemerbird

Brilliant Viv.

Daren't ask what Carlos would use the hard hat light for.

Helen, I have it on good authority that he needs the lamp to find his way out of the girl's house, after he has been kicked out.

Viv

beemerbird · 05-07-2008, 04:20 PM

Good point, although my mind was else where ahem.....

DervFan · 05-07-2008, 04:27 PM

I see where you were going...ahem

or more where carlos was going to go (down)

vivekk · 05-07-2008, 04:30 PM

Carl, are you going to stick up for yourself, or are you going to just let me carry on 'playing' ?

Viv

dxb335d · 05-07-2008, 04:42 PM

Keep playing by all means mate, its hilarious!!!!

''Making that book was soooo much fun, Veronica was such a dirty b****''

Carlos Faaandango AKA the '' Horny essex slave boy''

PhilR · 05-09-2008, 11:11 AM

Guys,

Just dug this out of my not too distant e-mail.............It's pasted a bit disjointed but me being a Northerner I find it quite amusing.

How to speak Essex!!

This is an invaluable guide......for those of you that are planning to venture into darkest depths of Essex.

A task not for the faint-hearted

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item

amant - Quantity; sum total ('Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend')

assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ('That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day')

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ('Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?')

cort a panda - A rather large hamburger

Dan in the maff - Unhappy ('Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff')

eye-eels - Women's shoes

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: 'Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper')

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island

lafarjik - Lacking in energy ('I feel all lafarjik')

OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport

reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ('I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig')

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday

tan - The city of London, the big smoke

webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ('Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour')

wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police

zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ('I told ya a fazzand times already')

PhilR

vivekk · 05-09-2008, 11:57 AM

Recently, Carl was invited to re-write the Highway Code for the under-25s of Essex.
He thought about it long & hard & finally came up with a new front cover.
The rest has yet to be written.

Viv

dxb335d · 05-10-2008, 04:21 AM

Very good Viv!!

TBH where i live no one really speaks like there from southend... im very North essex. A very affluent area!!

Will still sound southern and somewhat essex but not really

''saaarrrffffeeenndddd mmmaaaaayyyttteee''

vivekk · 05-10-2008, 05:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dxb335d

Very good Viv!!

TBH where i live no one really speaks like there from southend... im very North essex. A very affluent area!!

Will still sound southern and somewhat essex but not really

''saaarrrffffeeenndddd mmmaaaaayyyttteee''

Carl, whether you're from southern or northern Essex- it's all 'southern' to a northerner like myself.

Anyway, that was all you were coming out with at UK5.

Viv

05-05-2008, 04:28 PM	#24
beemerbird Major General 171 Rep 7,953 Posts Drives: Merc diesel Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Yorkshire iTrader: (0) Garage List 2010 TTRS [9.00] 2007 Audi S5 [0.00] May 2007 Porsche 99 ... [0.00] March 2007 Porsche ... [0.00] Sep. 2007 E92 335d SE [0.00] July 2006 E90 330i ... [0.00]	Yeah c'mon Carlos - we're waiting with baited breath.
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05-05-2008, 04:30 PM	#25
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 944 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	Will have to be tomoz im going to bedsie, im fooooooooooooooooooooked __________________ 997.2 GT3
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05-06-2008, 03:37 PM	#26
vivekk THE Viv 184 Rep 4,743 Posts Drives: 330i SE Join Date: May 2005 Location: the North, UK iTrader: (0) Garage List 2005 BMW e90 330iSE [0.00]	Carl the writer! I managed to find a few of Carl's 'hidden gems'- so 'hidden' in fact, you'll probably never find them. One of Carl's earliest publications was in collaboration with the AA. It really is a piece of work no Essex driver should be with(out). After a number of days of 'messing' at work, Carl decided to re-work his original 'Complete Idiot's Guide to Project Management' another 42 times before he was completely happy with it. There were some management problems involved at various stages of the project, apparently. Following his amazing work on the 'Shamzie in Suburbia' series of books, Carl created his monumental 'Urban Dictionary'. I always take it to London with me, although I've never yet needed to use it, unfortunately. After a series of unfortunate posts, Carl decided to go ahead with 'Jiggery Pokery'- his tales of dancing to traditional Irish music. All the best. Viv __________________ [TiAg ▪ Dakota Black ▪ Active steering ▪ Sports suspension ▪ 162s ▪ Sports seats ▪ Al trim ▪ Bi-Xenons ▪ F&R PDC ▪ NavPro ▪ Voice control ▪ Bluetooth ▪ 6CD Logic7]
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05-06-2008, 04:02 PM	#27
Gibbo Colonel 103 Rep 2,292 Posts Drives: Golf Ed35 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: South East iTrader: (0)	50 drives in Esswah Love it. All good stuff but Carl is yet to teach us some new words. __________________ Golf Ed35 Black with - Black Leather
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05-06-2008, 04:24 PM	#28
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 944 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	THATS frickin awesome viv... i need them printed off for covers for some random books in ma room Love it! __________________ 997.2 GT3
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05-07-2008, 03:17 PM	#30
DervFan Captain 26 Rep 730 Posts Drives: BMW (E91) 325d M Sport Touring Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: East of England, UK iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 325d M Sport T ... [0.00]	All hail the photochop King __________________ E91 325d /// M Sport Touring \| Titanium Silver \| Black Dakota Leather \| Brushed Aluminium Trim \| 18" 193M Wheels 6-Speed Manual \| Cruise Control \| Bluetooth \| Heated Seats \| Professional Radio with MP3 \| Rear PDC \| Sun Protection Glass
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05-07-2008, 03:45 PM	#33
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 944 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	Post it Vivergei! __________________ 997.2 GT3
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05-07-2008, 04:12 PM	#35
beemerbird Major General 171 Rep 7,953 Posts Drives: Merc diesel Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Yorkshire iTrader: (0) Garage List 2010 TTRS [9.00] 2007 Audi S5 [0.00] May 2007 Porsche 99 ... [0.00] March 2007 Porsche ... [0.00] Sep. 2007 E92 335d SE [0.00] July 2006 E90 330i ... [0.00]	Brilliant Viv. Daren't ask what Carlos would use the hard hat light for.
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05-07-2008, 04:20 PM	#37
beemerbird Major General 171 Rep 7,953 Posts Drives: Merc diesel Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Yorkshire iTrader: (0) Garage List 2010 TTRS [9.00] 2007 Audi S5 [0.00] May 2007 Porsche 99 ... [0.00] March 2007 Porsche ... [0.00] Sep. 2007 E92 335d SE [0.00] July 2006 E90 330i ... [0.00]	Good point, although my mind was else where ahem.....
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05-07-2008, 04:27 PM	#38
DervFan Captain 26 Rep 730 Posts Drives: BMW (E91) 325d M Sport Touring Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: East of England, UK iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 325d M Sport T ... [0.00]	I see where you were going...ahem or more where carlos was going to go (down) __________________ E91 325d /// M Sport Touring \| Titanium Silver \| Black Dakota Leather \| Brushed Aluminium Trim \| 18" 193M Wheels 6-Speed Manual \| Cruise Control \| Bluetooth \| Heated Seats \| Professional Radio with MP3 \| Rear PDC \| Sun Protection Glass
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05-07-2008, 04:30 PM	#39
vivekk THE Viv 184 Rep 4,743 Posts Drives: 330i SE Join Date: May 2005 Location: the North, UK iTrader: (0) Garage List 2005 BMW e90 330iSE [0.00]	Carl, are you going to stick up for yourself, or are you going to just let me carry on 'playing' ? Viv __________________ [TiAg ▪ Dakota Black ▪ Active steering ▪ Sports suspension ▪ 162s ▪ Sports seats ▪ Al trim ▪ Bi-Xenons ▪ F&R PDC ▪ NavPro ▪ Voice control ▪ Bluetooth ▪ 6CD Logic7]
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05-07-2008, 04:42 PM	#40
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 944 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	Keep playing by all means mate, its hilarious!!!! ''Making that book was soooo much fun, Veronica was such a dirty b'' Carlos Faaandango AKA the '' Horny essex slave boy'' __________________ 997.2 GT3
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05-09-2008, 11:11 AM	#41
PhilR Second Lieutenant 9 Rep 283 Posts Drives: E93 330d M Sport Auto Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Teesside / Surrey iTrader: (0) Garage List 2002 Mercedes CLK 3 ... [0.00] 2007 Audi Q7 S Line ... [0.00] 2006 (56) 330d M Sp ... [0.00]	Guys, Just dug this out of my not too distant e-mail.............It's pasted a bit disjointed but me being a Northerner I find it quite amusing. How to speak Essex!! This is an invaluable guide......for those of you that are planning to venture into darkest depths of Essex. A task not for the faint-hearted alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item amant - Quantity; sum total ('Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend') assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ('That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day') branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ('Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?') cort a panda - A rather large hamburger Dan in the maff - Unhappy ('Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff') eye-eels - Women's shoes Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: 'Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper') Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island lafarjik - Lacking in energy ('I feel all lafarjik') OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ('I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig') Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday tan - The city of London, the big smoke webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ('Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour') wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ('I told ya a fazzand times already') PhilR
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05-09-2008, 11:57 AM	#42
vivekk THE Viv 184 Rep 4,743 Posts Drives: 330i SE Join Date: May 2005 Location: the North, UK iTrader: (0) Garage List 2005 BMW e90 330iSE [0.00]	Recently, Carl was invited to re-write the Highway Code for the under-25s of Essex. He thought about it long & hard & finally came up with a new front cover. The rest has yet to be written. Viv __________________ [TiAg ▪ Dakota Black ▪ Active steering ▪ Sports suspension ▪ 162s ▪ Sports seats ▪ Al trim ▪ Bi-Xenons ▪ F&R PDC ▪ NavPro ▪ Voice control ▪ Bluetooth ▪ 6CD Logic7]
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05-10-2008, 04:21 AM	#43
dxb335d The Tarmac Terrorist 944 Rep 29,345 Posts Drives: 997.2 GT3 Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: ''Fandango Towers'' iTrader: (3) Garage List 2010 Porsche 997.2 GT3 [9.50] 2003 BMW E46 M3 [6.00] 2007 BMW E92 335D [5.50]	Very good Viv!! TBH where i live no one really speaks like there from southend... im very North essex. A very affluent area!! Will still sound southern and somewhat essex but not really ''saaarrrffffeeenndddd mmmaaaaayyyttteee'' __________________ 997.2 GT3
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