How To Shower Like a Woman

jjbirch · 12-12-2008, 10:41 AM

read all of it,bloody funny

How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry
basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohican

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!!

booforty · 12-12-2008, 10:45 AM

Spot on!

CD · 12-12-2008, 11:44 AM

Steve A · 12-12-2008, 12:28 PM

that is too true

jjbirch · 12-12-2008, 12:57 PM

i think this line sums us men up lol
shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

willhollin · 12-12-2008, 01:37 PM

You forgot to add -

- Have shit, don't wipe then power rinse residue off in the shower.

jjbirch · 12-12-2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willhollin

You forgot to add -

- Have shit, don't wipe then power rinse residue off in the shower.

dont you mean push it down the plughole with your foot

willhollin · 12-12-2008, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jjbirch

dont you mean push it down the plughole with your foot

Dirty bastid!

I'd get rumbled, probably curl one up on her sponge and forget to wash it away.

beemerbird · 12-13-2008, 06:05 AM

Seen this one before, but it's funny........I work with women who are like that........and live with a bloke who is like that.

Sorry, but shaving in the shower 'aint easy.

12-12-2008, 10:41 AM	#1
jjbirch Banned 75 Rep 2,927 Posts Drives: E60 530D M SPORT Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: england iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 320d m sport [0.00]	How To Shower Like a Woman read all of it,bloody funny How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!!
	Appreciate 0 Tweet Quote

12-12-2008, 10:45 AM	#2
booforty Major General 337 Rep 8,811 Posts Drives: E92 M3 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: London, UK iTrader: (0) Garage List 2008 E92 M3 [0.00]	Spot on!
	Appreciate 0 Quote

12-12-2008, 11:44 AM	#3
CD gone ... but i will be back ! 62 Rep 1,183 Posts Drives: 335D Coupe Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: England (north) iTrader: (0)	__________________ E92 335D / QUAIFE LSD / EIBACH / DIMISA / REMAP / 19" HAMANN EDITION RACE REPS ... USUALLY WITH A HEALTHY SPLATTERING OF GOOD OLD YORKSHIRE MUD ...
	Appreciate 0 Quote

12-12-2008, 12:28 PM	#4
Steve A Brigadier General 96 Rep 3,465 Posts Drives: too much Join Date: May 2007 Location: Manchester UK iTrader: (0)	that is too true __________________ C350 cdi sport estate facelift 457lbft 130i M SportMercedes C350 CDI Sport Estate AutoMini Cooper Auto.Mercedes E250 CGI,Lexus IS-F,R36, RS4 Saloon,ML 420 CDI SPORT,M6, 335d, C55, C32, M3, M5, S3, ALL SOLD but fondly remembered
	Appreciate 0 Quote

12-12-2008, 12:57 PM	#5
jjbirch Banned 75 Rep 2,927 Posts Drives: E60 530D M SPORT Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: england iTrader: (0) Garage List 2006 320d m sport [0.00]	i think this line sums us men up lol shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
	Appreciate 0 Quote

12-12-2008, 01:37 PM	#6
willhollin Major General 268 Rep 9,915 Posts Drives: VW T5 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Worcestershire iTrader: (1) Garage List 2007 BMW E92 330d SE [10.00] 2010 Transporter T5 ... [0.00]	You forgot to add - - Have shit, don't wipe then power rinse residue off in the shower. __________________
	Appreciate 0 Quote

12-13-2008, 06:05 AM	#9
beemerbird Major General 172 Rep 7,953 Posts Drives: Merc diesel Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Yorkshire iTrader: (0) Garage List 2010 TTRS [9.00] 2007 Audi S5 [0.00] May 2007 Porsche 99 ... [0.00] March 2007 Porsche ... [0.00] Sep. 2007 E92 335d SE [0.00] July 2006 E90 330i ... [0.00]	Seen this one before, but it's funny........I work with women who are like that........and live with a bloke who is like that. Sorry, but shaving in the shower 'aint easy.
	Appreciate 0 Quote