[ed335d]

What's worse than a sexist man?

A women who won't do what she's told

[ed335d]

Our sex life became so dull that the missus suggested we try some anal penetration.

Won't be trying it again though. 2 of my piles are still bleeding after a week.

[ed335d]

When I was 5 years old, my mum always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life.

Schoolboy Error.

[ed335d]

I organised a bukkake party for eunuchs. Nobody came.

[ed335d]

I can't believe it. Me and my wife were sitting watching TV when the founder of Apple just walked into the house and took all our Mr Sheen!

Fucking Jobs, coming over here and stealing our polish.

[ed335d]

My boss is a right c**t, he always turns up late and absolutely
reeks of alcohol, he always ends up losing half of my pay-check
down the bookies, and to top it all off, I think he is having sex with
my wife..

But then again, there are some advantages to being self-employed.

[ed335d]

The girlfriend's just had her teeth whitened.

Although, to be honest, most of it landed on her chin.

[ed335d]

I paid three grand for my wife to have a boob job - she was happy.

I paid four grand for her to have a nose job - she was delighted.

I treat myself to a £30 hand job at the local brothel - and she goes mad.

[ed335d]

My wife's been told she'll have to lose weight if she wants to become pregnant.

I told her.

[bakili]

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."