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Aussie Joke Thread
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06-01-2011, 06:40 PM | #135 |
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I like it. I was also excited about 'Angry Boys' but I don't feel it is as good as 'Summer Heights High' or 'We Can be Heroes.' The other two were properly funny but Angry Boys has lost the touch somewhat. Comparing 'Come Fly with Me' to 'Angry Boys' is a no contest battle. CFWM is on a totally different level.
***SLAP MAA ELLLLBOWWW*** |
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06-01-2011, 07:02 PM | #137 |
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Well the characters that he chose to continue on with were my least favourite in We Can be Heroes. Ricky Wong and the school girl were best, but I suppose Summer Heights High has already been made for the girl character (cant remember her name jaamie or something?) Mr G was fantastic and the new asian mother in Angry boys is pretty good. Just not feeling the other characters much..
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06-01-2011, 08:25 PM | #138 |
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lol at suj's screenshot...
yeh i've been watching come fly with me, or cfwm as it's now being called... pretty funny! taj is my fav character for sure lol... he needs a spin off show! |
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06-16-2011, 11:57 PM | #139 |
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Biology Exam Question
I was asked today to name 2 things commonly found in cells. Apparently, aboriginals and Lebanese rapists is not the correct answer.
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06-16-2011, 11:57 PM | #140 |
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Donations
On another note I’m sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
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06-16-2011, 11:58 PM | #141 |
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Another Donation
Meanwhile can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Namibia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video – its f…ing hilarious.
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06-21-2011, 01:30 AM | #142 |
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A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry, you'll lose it eventually '
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face ' didn't mean What I thought it did The weather girl said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be lucky with a face like that!' |
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06-29-2011, 08:22 PM | #143 |
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Deodorant
I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up the bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely.
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06-29-2011, 08:22 PM | #144 |
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Drunk Again
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band- Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.. In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?' Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?' 'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
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06-29-2011, 09:15 PM | #145 |
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Taxes
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, Australia they decided to send it to Julia Gillard. (Australian PM). Gillard was so amused that she instructed her secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 note. She thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 note and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Canberra and that red headed, fat arsed bitch took $95 in taxes.
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06-30-2011, 12:12 AM | #146 |
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Pilgrimages
...... to Bin Laden's grave have started
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11-22-2011, 08:20 PM | #148 |
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Airport Security
TEL AVIV, Israel - The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners. It's an armoured booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.
Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials. You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter, an announcement: "Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is proud to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London. Shalom!"
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11-22-2011, 08:21 PM | #149 |
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Blue Healer
Julia Gillard called Bob Brown into her office one day and
said "Bob, I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters." "Good idea Leader, how will we go about it?" asked Brown. "Well", said Gillard, "We'll get ourselves one of those Driza-Bone coats, some RM Williams boots, a stick and an Akubra hat. Oh, and a Blue Heeler cattle dog. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a typical old outback country pub and we'll show them how much we really enjoy the bush." "Righto" said Brown. Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite Blue Heeler, they set off from Canberra in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a typical outback pub. They walked in with the dog and went up to the bar. "G'day mate", said Gillard to the bartender, "Two middies of your best beer". "Good afternoon Leader", said the bartender, "Two middies of our best coming up". Gillard and Brown stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again to whoever came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet. All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old stockman, complete with stock whip. He walked up to the cattle dog, lifted its tail with the whip, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar. A few moments later in came another old stockman with his whip. He walked up to the dog and lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar. Over the course of the next hour or so another four or five stockmen came in and lifted the dog's tail, looked underneath and went away looking puzzled. Eventually, Gillard and Brown could stand it no longer and called the barman over. "Tell me" said Brown, "Why did all those old stockmen come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old outback custom?" "Strewth no", said the barman. "Someone told 'em there was a cattle dog in the bar with two arseholes."
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11-22-2011, 08:22 PM | #150 |
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Aussie Lovers - Best in the world?
The Italian fellow said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her
body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight." The Australian fellow said: "That's nothing!!! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours? Voila ! Sacre Bleu !! Phenomenal!!! How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Aussie: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
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11-22-2011, 08:30 PM | #152 |
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And all this fuss
about keeping the head covered!
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11-22-2011, 08:34 PM | #154 |
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