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      04-04-2006, 07:29 PM   #1
docbolo
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Happily Married? Myth or Reality?

Hi folks. I was wondering if there are any truly happily married folks out there anymore? Sure maybe your parents were. I am talking about modern day times. I have yet to meet one. Sometimes people will tell you they are but they usually (in my limited experience) fall into 1 or more of three categories:

1. they are lying/in denial/ too much trouble to divorce
2. they are cheating like crazy to satisfy what they don't get at home
3. they are newlywed and either divorce soon or go into category 1 or 2 soon

What are your thoughts? Am I totally wrong here? I hope so.
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      04-04-2006, 07:36 PM   #2
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If you marry the right person to begin with, then its not an issue. I think some people jsut end up rushing into it.

Im not getting married for another decade
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      04-04-2006, 07:40 PM   #3
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No marriage ever lives up to the hallmark-perfect idealized picture of 'happily married' ... like life in general there is always going to be ebbs and flows.
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      04-04-2006, 07:46 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KL2DC
No marriage ever lives up to the hallmark-perfect idealized picture of 'happily married' ... like life in general there is always going to be ebbs and flows.

But happily married doesnt mean its a dream vacation for the rest of your life...
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      04-04-2006, 08:45 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ethirtynine
Reality. You will always have problems in relationships. You can have arguments but still be happily married
agreed. Life was never meant to be black and white, when you try and make it that way it gets just that much bitter. If life was meant to be perfect, it would be, A.S.A.T.
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      04-04-2006, 10:17 PM   #6
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there are happy marriages out there. At least that's what I believe.
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      04-04-2006, 10:26 PM   #7
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i'm all good......
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      04-04-2006, 10:35 PM   #8
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I'm unhappily single, if that counts...


Ha ha ha...actually, this boils down to a case of perfectly normal human nature. People are obsessed with things they can't have (unhappy). And if they do eventually succeed and get what they want--almost always-- boredom will soon follow (unhappy).

"O what an insatiable lot we men have become."
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      04-04-2006, 10:47 PM   #9
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Happily married here. I waiting until I was almost 30. I think that helps.

The real key to a successful marriage is COMPROMISE! ( that and suprising her with romantic stuff now and then)

You have got to work out the differences -- Give a little, get a lot.

Don't be so pessimistic. You can do it!!
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      04-04-2006, 11:16 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noflash
Happily married here. I waiting until I was almost 30. I think that helps.

The real key to a successful marriage is COMPROMISE! ( that and suprising her with romantic stuff now and then)

You have got to work out the differences -- Give a little, get a lot.

Don't be so pessimistic. You can do it!!

Bro - thanks for the nice post. I just want to point out your location: MIDWEST. Land of awesome ladies and nice down-to-earth people. Is there something in the water over there that makes you people so cool??

IMHO, So. Cal. is a WASTELAND when it comes to that.

Weather
Women
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      04-04-2006, 11:18 PM   #11
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by the time kids and houses are involved

there's a lot to lose if you decide to jump ship, people often stay when they should leave
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      04-04-2006, 11:26 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ward
by the time kids and houses are involved

there's a lot to lose if you decide to jump ship, people often stay when they should leave
i guess i'm stuck...........
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      04-04-2006, 11:32 PM   #13
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My wife and I will be married 13 years in June. We remarried last year in our church because we eloped 13 years ago, it was the second time for each of us.

We each have found our soul mate and best friend. We have had tons of issues to work through, and it took years of work including counseling. It was well worth it. I could not imagine my life without her, nor would I want to.

At our core is love of God and love for each other, trust, respect, honesty, laughter, sharing, communication, sex, committment, fun.

Marriage can be a beautiful thing with the right partner.
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      04-04-2006, 11:34 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NaTuReB0Y
i guess i'm stuck...........

as long as you're stuck in the right place that's the ideal situation (sometimes i wish this smiley looked less sarcastic)
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      04-05-2006, 09:25 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by docbolo
Bro - thanks for the nice post. I just want to point out your location: MIDWEST. Land of awesome ladies and nice down-to-earth people. Is there something in the water over there that makes you people so cool??

IMHO, So. Cal. is a WASTELAND when it comes to that.

Weather
Women
I'm from New Orleans and she's fron San Jose. We just kinda got stuck here.

Although, I can understand where your coming from. Don't give up, man!
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      04-06-2006, 07:07 PM   #16
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My wife and I married almost 11 years now. We have an incredible relationship. We are very happy, and very much in love.

We weren't in a hurry - "dated" for a few years. Second marriage for both of us. We met when we were in our mid-30s.

My advice? Don't have children so soon after marriage. Have enough time - a couple of years at least - to develop the marriage/relationship first. Plus, kids are expensive.
And both people should have the same approach/beliefs regarding money management.

Trust and good communication are cornerstones.
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      04-06-2006, 07:21 PM   #17
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I have been married about 5 1/2 years and being "happily married" is indeed possible. I think the biggest misconception is that if you get married, things have to always be perfect. And the day things are no longer perfect, people want to get a divorce.

Basically when you get married, it's like starting a whole new family. The same way you sometimes get mad at your parents or siblings, but eventually work out your differences, the same goes for a marriage.

I have also seen a recent post about physical attraction in a relationship. Initially, that is what will get your attention, but you have to look for someone that complements you. Basically, don't try to find someone who is exactly like yourself, but also don't think that "opposites attract". You want someone who you agree with on several issues, but also someone who will see things from a slightly different perspective that you otherwise would not have considered. I was very fortunately to find a woman that was not only beautiful and intelligent, but an all around good person.

In the past 5 or so years, we have had good days and bad days, but in the end I couldn't imagine spending this much time with anyone else (we met in 1997, and got married in 2000).

One other piece of advice. I know of many people who have a "list" of things they would like in an ideal spouse. Before you create such a list, be sure that you also possess the qualities expected in the other person. If not, why would such a person ever want to be with you?
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      04-06-2006, 07:26 PM   #18
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My parents fall into cat 1.

But anyway- im highly doubting whether or not i want to get married. I feel like its a big lie, and a web of deception.
Maybe its cause im still hurt/bitter about my previous relationship, that my outlook on love is a bit skewed.

I am too afraid to get back into dating cause i dont want another 2 year relationship to go when in the end i found out i was played, or he isnt the person i thought he was. I guess you could say my x screwed me up. He gave me a false sense of who he was. I just saw his newly formed myspace page. It contained 5 girls who are strippers/sluts,half naked and he wrote on all their pages about how he cant wait to f*ck em again, ...etc. It hurt cause its making me think, wtf?? I am completely opposite of these girls, yet this is the type hes going after? So im trying to tell myself its cause he cant get nothing better. But i question Who is this guy!?? And i shouldnt care, or even pay attention to it.. but gosh.. is this really the guy i was with for 2 yrs, who acted so diff?
Screw doing that over again.
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      04-06-2006, 07:46 PM   #19
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Happily divorced.

The divorce rate in our county (63%) is higher than the national average.


Fact: It is easier to get married than it is to get divorced, especially if a child/children are involved.
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      04-06-2006, 09:40 PM   #20
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I agree, folks find its cheaper to stay together!
me included, KA-ching!

Last edited by ase2dais; 04-06-2006 at 10:16 PM.
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      04-06-2006, 10:32 PM   #21
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Married since '92. Been with the wifey since '83. Yeah, I'm happy
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      04-06-2006, 10:46 PM   #22
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'some folks marries someone with kids from previous marriage:
they call it marrying Ready-Made-Family; Just Add Water!
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