E90Post
 


Extreme Power House
 
BMW 3-Series (E90 E92) Forum > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board > The Most Uncomfortable Haircut I Have Ever Had



Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      09-26-2016, 07:27 PM   #1
GirthBrooks
Captain
334
Rep
608
Posts

Drives: 13' E92 BSM 335i 6MT
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Murfreesboro, TN

iTrader: (0)

The Most Uncomfortable Haircut I Have Ever Had

So I typically have a lady who cuts my hair... but she was booked all weekend. My hair was getting super long and I had to get it done because HR had just sent out a memo about being "clean and neat" during one of our last meetings. There is a sports clips on the same street where I work, so I figured... why not? I have time on my lunch break.

This would be a decision I would later regret.

I am a fairly introverted person, especially around people that I don't know. So I show up and go through the normal spiel.... and I am then assigned to the woman who will be cutting my hair. I instantly notice 5 assorted facial piercings, but I wasn't going to be judgemental - all I wanted was a good haircut!

About 3 minutes into the haircut, she begins speaking on an exceptionally intimate level. I am not sure what signals I gave her to think that I was OK with this. She starts off by saying "Yeah... I was late to work today", so naturally I ask "Why?". She leans in close and says, "Well, we are both adults.. right?" And begins to tell me that she was late because her and her boyfriend(who is 12 years younger than her.. thanks for that image) were "getting it in" moments before she walked into work. She said that sometimes he feels used because they have sex so often, and exclaimed "just wait until after work!". She then begins to talk about how her boyfriend is quiet and that she talks a lot.... and then proceeds to whisper in my ear "He is a little submissive" and starts laughing loud enough to where it draws attention from everyone else in this barber shop.

I am wildly uncomfortable at this point. I am looking at this overweight 40 year old woman and she is talking about things that I wouldn't want to talk about with a friend I had known my entire life... and I met her 5 minutes ago!

She then asks me "What are you going to be for Halloween?", I told her I had no idea. I reluctantly ask her "What about you?". She excitedly begins to tell me how her and her boyfriend are going to do a couples costume, and he will be on all fours in leather with a ball gag and a leash. Trying to break the obvious tension I joked "Hopefully you won't wear that in any neighborhoods". What do you say to that?

At this point I am utterly shocked, red in the face, and have begun to develop a light perspiration on my back.

She starts talking about the different products they offer and how she loves the mint shampoo. She said that she wished they offered it in a bubble bath because it makes her skin tingle and she said she would love to have that feeling all over her entire body.

The haircut actually turned out OK, she trimmed my beard too. Overall...10/10.
__________________
2013 BSM Coral Red E92 335i 6MT M-Sport - JB Stage 1 - BMS Intake - Golf Tee Mod - Gloss Black Kidneys
Appreciate 3
      09-26-2016, 07:37 PM   #2
RoundelObsession
Captain
United_States
165
Rep
721
Posts

Drives: S65M3
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Texas

iTrader: (19)

Maybe she knew your M3 post user name has "Girth" in it. Lol!
Appreciate 2
Lups6276

      09-26-2016, 07:50 PM   #3
ezndo
Private
22
Rep
91
Posts

Drives: 2013 E93
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Redington Beach, FL

iTrader: (0)

I've heard she gives good "shampoo"
Appreciate 0
      09-26-2016, 07:59 PM   #4
jtodd_fl
2nd Asst to Dept Undersecretary
jtodd_fl's Avatar
6750
Rep
1,339
Posts

Drives: People crazy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Florida

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2015 F82 M4  [4.50]
2016 F87 M2  [0.00]
2011 E92 M3  [0.00]
Given the proximity between "getting it on" and coming into work, she probably saved money on product. She probably used the "there is something about Mary "shampoo.

You're welcome. I predict a hair washing.
__________________
This space for rent.
Appreciate 3
      09-26-2016, 08:02 PM   #5
Aatish
Lofty
Aatish's Avatar
United_States
2767
Rep
625
Posts

Drives: MG/DB 14' 335i X-Drive
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago IL/Brooklyn NY

iTrader: (0)

Did you give her a tip?















Just the tip....
      09-26-2016, 10:04 PM   #6
PoorLurker
Custom User Title
PoorLurker's Avatar
576
Rep
247
Posts

Drives: a bicycle
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Orange County, CA

iTrader: (0)

Maybe you aren't manly enough for sports clips and adult conversations.

You are probably one of those guys who likes girly things and doesn't even care for sports. You and your wife probably decorate together too.

Right, bimmette
Appreciate 0
      09-26-2016, 10:04 PM   #7
bimmette
YouTube.com/TvTara
bimmette's Avatar
Canada
4954
Rep
4,856
Posts

Drives: like I stole it! (07 335i E93)
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Vancouver

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorLurker
Maybe you aren't manly enough for sports clips and adult conversations.

You are probably one of those guys who likes girly things and doesn't even care for sports. You and your wife probably decorate together too.

Right, bimmette
I can't give my opinion because the first post was TL;DR. Sorry.
Appreciate 0
      09-26-2016, 10:08 PM   #8
PoorLurker
Custom User Title
PoorLurker's Avatar
576
Rep
247
Posts

Drives: a bicycle
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Orange County, CA

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by bimmette View Post
I can't give my opinion because the first post was TL;DR. Sorry.
And so this begins the 10 word story!

@[jtodd_fl](contact:215191) Begin!
Appreciate 0
      09-26-2016, 11:08 PM   #9
GirthBrooks
Captain
334
Rep
608
Posts

Drives: 13' E92 BSM 335i 6MT
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Murfreesboro, TN

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorLurker View Post
Maybe you aren't manly enough for sports clips and adult conversations.

You are probably one of those guys who likes girly things and doesn't even care for sports. You and your wife probably decorate together too.

Right, bimmette
Cool story bro
__________________
2013 BSM Coral Red E92 335i 6MT M-Sport - JB Stage 1 - BMS Intake - Golf Tee Mod - Gloss Black Kidneys
Appreciate 1
      09-26-2016, 11:24 PM   #10
MKSixer
Major
2897
Rep
1,362
Posts

Drives: 2015 BMW i8, E63 M6, 328d
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Southeast United States

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2016 M4 GTS (Allotted)  [0.00]
2013 BMW 328d  [0.00]
2007 BMW M6  [0.00]
2015 BMW i8  [0.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aatish View Post
Did you give her a tip?















Just the tip....
I see what you did there...
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by jtodd_fl View Post
Hell, I get random sausage attacks when I go anywhere.
Appreciate 2
Aatish2767
Lups6276

      09-26-2016, 11:25 PM   #11
M_Six
Free Thinker
M_Six's Avatar
United_States
1169
Rep
6,014
Posts

Drives: 2012 MB C300 4matic
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Foothills of Mt Level

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Dear. God. In. Heaven.

I'd have left with half my hair cut. Applause for hanging in there for the full Monty. I work with a guy who's into major TMI. When he starts telling me about his wife's...um....pregnancy issues, I want to run and hide.
__________________
Mark
markj.pics

"I know rocks. Rocks are hard."
-T. Walter
Appreciate 1
      09-26-2016, 11:26 PM   #12
ASAP
Bavarian Motor Works
ASAP's Avatar
No_Country
1090
Rep
3,477
Posts

Drives: BMW
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: South FL

iTrader: (0)

The right way to handle a situation like this... is to start a more awkard story...

"I was giving this guy a reach around and then..." uh, nevermind, this was a hair salon... probably normal.
Appreciate 1
      09-26-2016, 11:55 PM   #13
G35POPPEDMYCHERRY
Second Lieutenant
79
Rep
270
Posts

Drives: Totaled Toyota Celica :((
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Lawrenceville, NJ

iTrader: (0)

lmaoooo my facial expression would not be able to hid my disgust
Appreciate 0
      09-27-2016, 12:08 AM   #14
jgoens
Colonel
jgoens's Avatar
1161
Rep
2,972
Posts

Drives: 2013 335i msport
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: San Mateo, CA

iTrader: (0)

Cool story bro+1
Appreciate 0
      09-27-2016, 02:19 AM   #15
jtodd_fl
2nd Asst to Dept Undersecretary
jtodd_fl's Avatar
6750
Rep
1,339
Posts

Drives: People crazy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Florida

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2015 F82 M4  [4.50]
2016 F87 M2  [0.00]
2011 E92 M3  [0.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorLurker
Quote:
Originally Posted by bimmette View Post
I can't give my opinion because the first post was TL;DR. Sorry.
And so this begins the 10 word story!

@[jtodd_fl](contact:215191) Begin!
Sorry. Was away.
OP had oversharing hairstylist with active sex life and his virgin ears were traumatized.
bimmette
__________________
This space for rent.
Appreciate 2
      09-27-2016, 02:21 AM   #16
jtodd_fl
2nd Asst to Dept Undersecretary
jtodd_fl's Avatar
6750
Rep
1,339
Posts

Drives: People crazy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Florida

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
2015 F82 M4  [4.50]
2016 F87 M2  [0.00]
2011 E92 M3  [0.00]
Quote:
Originally Posted by ASAP
The right way to handle a situation like this... is to start a more awkard story...

"I was giving this guy a reach around and then..." uh, nevermind, this was a hair salon... probably normal.
Yes. Or play the one up game with questions more awkward than her story.

"So, have you tried it in the butt?"

This is a pretty advanced move and requires excellent laughter control.
__________________
This space for rent.
Appreciate 0
      09-27-2016, 02:51 AM   #17
tranquility
sportscars only
tranquility's Avatar
Canada
59
Rep
1,704
Posts

Drives: 2011 Z4 sDrive 35i
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Toronto

iTrader: (0)

I love how OP just segues w/ his last para.

Anyway, bet it wouldn't have been TMI if she was hot. This is 100% troof.
Appreciate 0
      09-27-2016, 03:34 AM   #18
e90m305
First Lieutenant
75
Rep
330
Posts

Drives: 2008 IB e90
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: SF Bay Area

iTrader: (0)

Going to one of those sports clips type places or Supercuts is equivalent to taking your M3 to jiffy lube for an oil change. Come on man
Appreciate 0
      09-27-2016, 03:57 AM   #19
Nkc
NOOB
Nkc's Avatar
689
Rep
1,045
Posts

Drives: Cars
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver/Hong Kong

iTrader: (0)

Try having a dude constantly rub his dick on your shoulders, now that's an uncomfortable haircut.

Not Mr. Bluebird ok? A fucking penis on my shoulder.

From that point on, I decided on a hairstyle that even my wife could cut. Saved a fortune and a crap load of time too.
Appreciate 1
Lups6276

      09-27-2016, 07:28 AM   #20
nyalpine90
CAPPO
nyalpine90's Avatar
United_States
704
Rep
9,765
Posts

Drives: '16 X4
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: NYC

iTrader: (4)

Garage List
2016 BMW X4  [0.00]
that typical chat at barbershop lol

you hear every1 business while gettin a cut.
Appreciate 0
      09-27-2016, 09:39 AM   #21
twin fed
Doc Brown
twin fed's Avatar
274
Rep
1,521
Posts

Drives: 2016 MG M2
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Isle of Long

iTrader: (2)

That's why I cut my own hair, lol.
__________________


Appreciate 2
      09-27-2016, 09:52 AM   #22
bimmerfrk
First Lieutenant
bimmerfrk's Avatar
183
Rep
305
Posts

Drives: Alpine White 2011 M3 4dr
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NYC & some PA

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by twin fed View Post
That's why I cut my own hair, lol.
How do you cut your own hair? Color me intrigued...
__________________
2011 M3 Sedan : Alpine White / Fox Interior : Escort X50 Hardwired
Appreciate 1
ASAP1090

Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:36 PM.




e90post
e90post
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST