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      09-29-2006, 12:06 PM   #1
BE.EM.VU.
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Friday Laughs

Just in case you need a laugh:
> >> Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a
> >>high school diploma to fix one...reassurance for those of us who fly
> >>routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a
> >>form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems
> >>with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document
> >>their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets
> >>before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack
> >>a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints
> >>submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
> >>recorded (marked
>with an S) by maintenance engineers.
> >>
> >>
> >> By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never,
> >>ever, had an accident.
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> >>
> >>
> >> **************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> >>
> >>
> >> **************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Something loose in cockpit.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >>
> >>
> >> **************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Live bugs on back-order.
> >>
> >>
> >> **************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
> >> minute
>
> >>descent.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> >>
> >>
> >> **************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Evidence removed.
> >>
> >>
> >> **************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> >>
> >>
> >> ***************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: That's what friction locks are for.
> >>
> >>
> >> ***************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> ***************
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Suspect you're right.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> ***************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Number 3 engine missing.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >>
> >>
> >> ***************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> >>
> >>
> >> **************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Target radar hums.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> >>
> >>
> >> ***************
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Mouse in cockpit.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Cat installed.
> >> ***************
> >>
> >>
> >> And the best one for last..................
> >>
> >>
> >> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
> >> midget
>
> >>pounding on something with a hammer.
> >>
> >>
> >> S: Took hammer away from midget
> >>
> >>
> >>
Subject: Business Proposal
>
>> Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office but she belonged
To someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her

>> and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you." The
>> girl said, "NO!" Johnny said, "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on
>> the floor, you
Bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
>> She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
>> boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story.
>> The boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200, then pick up the money very
>> fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down."
>> She agreed and accepted the proposal.
>> Half an hour went by and the boyfriend was waiting for his girlfriend

>> to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend called and asked what

>> happened.
>> She said, "The bastard used quarters!"
>> sooooooooooooo Management lesson:
>> Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety before agreeing
To it and getting screwed!
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      09-29-2006, 03:02 PM   #2
txusa03
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the plane joke I have seen it several yeas back...
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