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      05-21-2014, 02:14 PM   #1
FwdFtl
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Weddings and In-Laws

Question for my married peoples, specifically men...

Here is the TL;DR only:

My fiance has a sister named let's say 'Katie'. Katie has a fiance let's call him 'Fred'.

Fred's background:

Fred is an asshole. Fred got mad at me that I did not ask him to be one of my groomsmen. (Crazy, I know) Fred, yelled, cussed me out and even threatened me if he had to see his fiance walk down the aisle with another man. Fred is obviously very insecure.

When I marry my fiance, I marry into her whole family. Fred will more than likely be at family events.

Fred and I have resolved our issues, but I no longer consider Fred a friend nor do I want to build a relationship with him, HOWEVER, I still have to be cordial and see him at family events.

Do any of you have a Fred in your family? How do you deal with him?

Disclaimer: Fred is a 38 year old deadbeat with no job, car, education and has a belief that he's gonna make it big in the music business.
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      05-21-2014, 02:23 PM   #2
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There's one in every family. I drew a line in the sand a few years ago and decided to stop managing for it and perpetuating this immature behavior. 'Fred' is incredibly immature and has yet to grow up as that is not adult behavior.
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      05-21-2014, 02:23 PM   #3
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We have a "Fred" in my family. Fred comes over and falls asleep on the couch during our family get togethers. We have all learned to deal with it.
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      05-21-2014, 02:31 PM   #4
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I have a Fred in my family - I just avoid him...

simple as that....

he doesn't sign my paychecks, he doesn't take care of my kids, he doesn't pay my bills and he certainly doesn't control the way I live my life...

fuck him, fuck Fred and fuck Fred's life...

he ain't shit and won't ever be shit....
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      05-21-2014, 03:01 PM   #5
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move out of state.
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      05-21-2014, 03:02 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KingOfJericho View Post
There's one in every family. I drew a line in the sand a few years ago and decided to stop managing for it and perpetuating this immature behavior. 'Fred' is incredibly immature and has yet to grow up as that is not adult behavior.
How did you draw that line?

I agree there is one in every family, but my interactions with Fred are at times unavoidable. For example, if me and my fiance decide to have a get together at our house, we can't just invite her sister, we have to invite her sister and Fred otherwise he will get his feelings hurt and resort back to tearing apart the sister's relationship. Thus causing my fiance to be very sad, thus affecting me. He has a unique was of manipulating multiple people based on his elementary beliefs. It's quite sickening.
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Originally Posted by 2011CrazE89 View Post
We have a "Fred" in my family. Fred comes over and falls asleep on the couch during our family get togethers. We have all learned to deal with it.
Does this guy disrespect you? It's actually quite helpful hearing you guys go through similar situations.

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I have a Fred in my family - I just avoid him...

simple as that....

he doesn't sign my paychecks, he doesn't take care of my kids, he doesn't pay my bills and he certainly doesn't control the way I live my life...

fuck him, fuck Fred and fuck Fred's life...

he ain't shit and won't ever be shit....
That's my MAIN point Litos. I can't avoid him. As long as my soon to be sister-in-law and Fred are engaged, he will continue to show up at family events. I wish he were just my fiance's uncle or cousin, but he is smack dab in the mix of my fiance and her sister's relationship. I should add Fred and Katie have a 5 month old baby so you can see why he's not avoidable.

I feel cursed.
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      05-21-2014, 03:08 PM   #7
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That's my MAIN point Litos. I can't avoid him. As long as my soon to be sister-in-law and Fred are engaged, he will continue to show up at family events. I wish he were just my fiance's uncle or cousin, but he is smack dab in the mix of my fiance and her sister's relationship. I should add Fred and Katie have a 5 month old baby so you can see why he's not avoidable.

I feel cursed.
you can't let another grown ass man keep you from being a boss....

you got two options:

(1) ignore him at events
- this will probably work a few times, but if he's a real piece of shit, he'll probably "come at you bro"

(2) man up and just openly tell this degenerate that you and him are gonna fucking brawl
- after you hopefully stomp his dick into his own body, I'm sure he'll have enough respect for you to leave you alone and to stop acting douchey around you
- if he fucks you up, then he owns you, he owns your family and he owns your fiancé's AND her sister's vagina


note: don't get fucked up
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      05-21-2014, 03:09 PM   #8
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move out of state.
I'm not sure if you're joking or not, but I seriously pondered this idea. The amount of awkward and forced conversations I will have to encounter with this guy makes me sick. Now, I have forgiven the guy, but based on his character, involvement with illegal activities and amount of disrespect show to me for my own wedding, I choose not to pursue a friendship with him.

Everything was just fine up until now
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      05-21-2014, 03:15 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Litos View Post
you can't let another grown ass man keep you from being a boss....

you got two options:

(1) ignore him at events
- this will probably work a few times, but if he's a real piece of shit, he'll probably "come at you bro"

(2) man up and just openly tell this degenerate that you and him are gonna fucking brawl
- after you hopefully stomp his dick into his own body, I'm sure he'll have enough respect for you to leave you alone and to stop acting douchey around you
- if he fucks you up, then he owns you, he owns your family and he owns your fiancé's AND her sister's vagina


note: don't get fucked up
HAHA... I stand down to no man no matter who they are, however I'm not gonna resort to violence. Sure, I could whoop his arse, but what does that prove?

What would happen next is he would have his feelings hurt and tell Katie (my fiances sister) to not talk to my fiance and Katie being the near brainless girl that she is will ignore my fiance. Then my fiance gets sad and cries that she's losing her sister to this pathetic excuse of a man and I have to deal with it.

See how delicate of a situation this is? FML.
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      05-21-2014, 03:19 PM   #10
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Quote:
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HAHA... I stand down to no man no matter who they are, however I'm not gonna resort to violence. Sure, I could whoop his arse, but what does that prove?

What would happen next is he would have his feelings hurt and tell Katie (my fiances sister) to not talk to my fiance and Katie being the near brainless girl that she is will ignore my fiance. Then my fiance gets sad and cries that she's losing her sister to this pathetic excuse of a man and I have to deal with it.

See how delicate of a situation this is? FML.
you're inadvertently letting this shitbird control your life...

your life will be shit with him and it will be shit without him...

pick your poison....
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      05-21-2014, 03:20 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FwdFtl View Post
How did you draw that line?

I agree there is one in every family, but my interactions with Fred are at times unavoidable. For example, if me and my fiance decide to have a get together at our house, we can't just invite her sister, we have to invite her sister and Fred otherwise he will get his feelings hurt and resort back to tearing apart the sister's relationship. Thus causing my fiance to be very sad, thus affecting me. He has a unique was of manipulating multiple people based on his elementary beliefs. It's quite sickening.
I just said screw it and stopped playing into it. For instance, with you not asking him to be a groomsman, he is making your day about his foolish pride and insecurity. This is your day and not his and that he is an invited guest and should act as such. He has no right to dictate who you choose for your wedding party. If that upsets him, it's his problem and his cross to bear. He should and will get over it. Getting in each others face will only create secondary issues.

I am always friendly with the Freds in my life but I keep them at arms length. I don't have time in my life to pander to the personality flaws and infantile behavior of people in their 30s. I'm done with it. Eventually they will realize the error of their ways and it will be a Keyser Soze moment.

What I will add is that this seems very common for un or under-employed people. The workplace is actually a great place to cure this ridiculous behavior as there is just no room/tolerance for it.
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      05-21-2014, 03:21 PM   #12
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Pics of Katie and your fiance, or this means nothing.
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      05-21-2014, 03:26 PM   #13
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I just said screw it and stopped playing into it. For instance, with you not asking him to be a groomsman, he is making your day about his foolish pride and insecurity. Remind him that it is your day and not his and that he is an invited guest and should act as such. He has no right to dictate who you choose for your wedding party. If that upsets him, it's his problem and his cross to bear. He should and will get over it. Getting in each others face will only create secondary issues.

I am always friendly with the Freds in my life but I keep them at arms length. I don't have time in my life to pander to the personality flaws and infantile behavior of people in their 30s. I'm done with it. Eventually they will realize the error of their ways and it will be a Keyser Soze moment.

What I will add is that this seems very common for un or under-employed people. The workplace is actually a great place to cure this ridiculous behavior as there is just no room/tolerance for it.
I hear you man. I most definitely reminded him that the wedding was our day and not his, but he may have a personality disorder because reasoning with him is extremely difficult.

When Fred does come up at your family events, do you greet him? Do you hold a conversation with him?
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      05-21-2014, 03:27 PM   #14
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Does this guy disrespect you? It's actually quite helpful hearing you guys go through similar situations.
Well here is where it gets interesting. “Fred” is actually my nephew’s wife. She is the most useless POS you will ever meet. A couple months ago I had a get together with some co-workers and my boss came with his wife. This piece of garbage put her feet up on the couch right next to my boss and fell asleep. I was so embarrassed. I told my nephew she is no longer welcomed in my home.
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      05-21-2014, 03:31 PM   #15
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Well here is where it gets interesting. “Fred” is actually my nephew’s wife. She is the most useless POS you will ever meet.
wait...

so Fred is actually Lups ?!!?
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      05-21-2014, 03:33 PM   #16
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I hear you man. I most definitely reminded him that the wedding was our day and not his, but he may have a personality disorder because reasoning with him is extremely difficult.

When Fred does come up at your family events, do you greet him? Do you hold a conversation with him?
Always greet. Conversations... I guess it depends on which Fred.

With one Fred, I would hold conversations with but not offer opinions to. He is constantly offended by opinions and questions.

The second Fred will never shut up. He has a prescription pill problem and the only thing he will talk about is doctors/pharmacies or guns (he thinks he lives the life of Tony Montana but he's 31 and lives with his mom). I don't start a conversation with him without having a hard out to save me.
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      05-21-2014, 03:34 PM   #17
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Pics of Katie and your fiance, or this means nothing.
Check the 'You and Your significant other' thread. My girl looks similar to Tyra Banks/ Stacey Dash minus the gigantic forehead.

I hate to say it but I got the WAY better sister. She has her Master's in Nursing, on her way to Nurse Practitioner, is a part-time professor at a Univ here in So Cal, RN at 1 of 5 hospitals in the world that lead in oncology research, makes more than me (there's another thread on that too hehe), loves cars, fitness, supports my business and knows her role in our relationship.

Her sister...does hair, has no car, lives on welfare, no education, is mind boggling late to any event, and makes terrible choices in her life, hence Fred. I still accept and love her though.
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      05-21-2014, 03:36 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by 2011CrazE89 View Post
Well here is where it gets interesting. “Fred” is actually my nephew’s wife. She is the most useless POS you will ever meet. A couple months ago I had a get together with some co-workers and my boss came with his wife. This piece of garbage put her feet up on the couch right next to my boss and fell asleep. I was so embarrassed. I told my nephew she is no longer welcomed in my home.
Dude, one of our Freds started dipping at the dinner table in my parents home and spitting into an empty soda bottle. My Dad looked like he was going to strangle him. Told him to get the fuck out of his house if he can't act like a civilized adult. Freds mother, my aunt, was there and didn't see what the big deal was (typical enabler). He was offended that my Dad yelled at him (not taking any responsibility for his actions).
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Last edited by KingOfJericho; 05-21-2014 at 03:42 PM.
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      05-21-2014, 03:36 PM   #19
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if you seriously considered moving than you are letting him control your life. i think if you just ignore fred than he will either A.)go away B.) get butthurt that you are ignoring him.

either way you win. there is no need to start a fist fight, when you do see him at family events just say hi and keep it moving.
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      05-21-2014, 03:38 PM   #20
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Great thread topic, by the way. I've been needing a place to vent this shit for a while haha.
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      05-21-2014, 03:47 PM   #21
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Quote:
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Always greet. Conversations... I guess it depends on which Fred.

With one Fred, I would hold conversations with but not offer opinions to. He is constantly offended by opinions and questions.

The second Fred will never shut up. He has a prescription pill problem and the only thing he will talk about is doctors/pharmacies or guns (he thinks he lives the life of Tony Montana but he's 31 and lives with his mom). I don't start a conversation with him without having a hard out to save me.
Good advice.

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Originally Posted by 2011CrazE89 View Post
Well here is where it gets interesting. “Fred” is actually my nephew’s wife. She is the most useless POS you will ever meet. A couple months ago I had a get together with some co-workers and my boss came with his wife. This piece of garbage put her feet up on the couch right next to my boss and fell asleep. I was so embarrassed. I told my nephew she is no longer welcomed in my home.
Yikes, I want to say he's not welcome in our home too, but if I exclude him it will create more hell. I just want to keep the peace for the sisters but that means I'd have to invite him to my home whenever we have events.

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if you seriously considered moving than you are letting him control your life. i think if you just ignore fred than he will either A.)go away B.) get butthurt that you are ignoring him.

either way you win. there is no need to start a fist fight, when you do see him at family events just say hi and keep it moving.
I've only thought about it, but you're right I'd never let another man be the sole cause of moving. That's a bitch move to me.

Fred won't go away. That's the problem. I can make him go away, but then I get more problems. Either way I lose.
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      05-21-2014, 03:51 PM   #22
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Fred won't go away. That's the problem. I can make him go away, but then I get more problems. Either way I lose.
just kick his fucking ass...

that problem will disappear A HELLUVA LOT FASTER than if you keep letting him dictate how you live....
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