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      05-30-2010, 01:02 PM   #89
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I know this girl who gets shagged by different guys every night of the week behind the petrol station at the top of the road.
She's a Total slut.
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      05-30-2010, 01:02 PM   #90
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I saw an article in a magazine titled, '10 ways to make your wife come'.

I didn't bother reading it though, I'm too busy searching for 1 way to make her go.
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      05-30-2010, 01:03 PM   #91
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I just strained a calf.

Serves me right for not lubing up.
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      05-30-2010, 01:04 PM   #92
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I was at a car boot sale when I came to a stall that appeared to be selling a second hand dildo for 50p . The lady swore blind that it was actually a back massager.


Something smelt fishy to me though.
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      05-30-2010, 01:06 PM   #93
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Scientists now believe that if you masturbate frequently you have a greater chance of developing Tourettes in later life.
How the fuck these cuntbrained arseholes come up with these cocksucking titwank ideas is beyond me, fucksake!..
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      05-30-2010, 01:10 PM   #94
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That's terrible!!!

My daughter wants to know what I'm laughing at!!!!!!!!!
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      05-30-2010, 01:56 PM   #95
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What's red and full of splinters?

Heather Mills' dog's cock.
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      05-30-2010, 02:03 PM   #96
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I just watched a film about a guy who gets off on women crying.

It was a real tear-jerker.
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      05-30-2010, 02:08 PM   #97
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Absolutely brilliant Ed!
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      05-30-2010, 03:38 PM   #98
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My wife says I exaggerate the amount of time I work so I don't have to spend time with her.

I'd like to see her work 12 days a week 576 days a year.
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      05-30-2010, 03:39 PM   #99
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I was driving through a town the other day and saw a sign that said: "Slow Down. Please Consider Our Kids."

So I did.

But the ones I saw were all fat and ugly, so I kept going.
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      05-30-2010, 03:39 PM   #100
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Got this bird back to mine last night and she said, "Please, wank all over my hairy fanny".

"No," I said, "now fuck off".

I don't like to beat about the bush.
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      05-30-2010, 03:48 PM   #101
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My friend said I that I wouldn't have the bollox to make up a joke about the spillage that's recently happened on the gulf of Mexico.

Oil sea about that.
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      05-30-2010, 03:49 PM   #102
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Can I have my own picture thread?
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      05-30-2010, 03:49 PM   #103
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I just found out I need to have an operation to relieve my increased intercranial pressure.

Great, I needed that news like I need a fucking hole in the head.
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      05-30-2010, 03:49 PM   #104
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Don't you hate it when you're sat watching porn and your wife walks in the room?

And then in scene 3 she allows the porn star to fuck her up the arse but not you?
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      05-30-2010, 03:50 PM   #105
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willhollin View Post
Can I have my own picture thread?
Please Tony, please
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      05-30-2010, 03:51 PM   #106
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BBC News: Ice cream van driver hurt in crash in Northampton.

Eyewitnesses said " The Police were there like a Rocket, did a Fab job and soon had the area coned off.
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      05-30-2010, 03:51 PM   #107
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Having just punched a midget selling watches, I know I've hit an all time low.
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      05-30-2010, 03:52 PM   #108
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I was climbing Big Ben for charity, when all of a sudden my rope broke and I fell!

But luckily I got snagged on the big hand of the clock, and then I thought...

Hang on a minute...
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      05-30-2010, 03:53 PM   #109
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My wife loves it when we barbecue because it's the one day of the year that she doesn't have to do the cooking...

...Inside.
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      05-30-2010, 03:55 PM   #110
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I said to the wife. " Is there a new energy drink called Bingo that you've been drinking?"

She said. "No, why?"

I pointed at her fat arms and said. "Well what the fuck is giving you the wings?"
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