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      07-25-2010, 02:27 PM   #1
Vanity
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So there's this girl... [It's a long read]

So there's this girl. I've only met her at a few parties and didn't really get to know her too much. But, a couple of weeks ago my buddy broke up with her. The girl and I already had a photoshoot pre-planned together, so we had each others number. I called to ask her if she was alright, etc etc.


Next thing you know she dumps an emotional load the size of Mt. Everest on me. Shit that went back to high school and her life tribulations. I didn't like it, in fact, I thought it was kind of awkward to do this to a guy you hardly knew. But I can understand where she's coming from, and I did make the phone call. And because of that, I genuinely tried to help her get back on her feet (emotionally and mentally, that is). I told her to stop getting into relationships because she has a nasty habit of going into rebound, after rebound, after rebound for the past (to my certain knowledge) 3 relationships. It was time for her to get her life back and do stuff she liked. I told her it was time for her to be single and "get on with life".


Anyways, fast-forward through the photoshoot and a whole mess of stuff is happening. She's using my best friend (another dude) as a rebound and I just had issues with that. Plus, my best friend wanted to get into a relationship her also. As a friend, I thought my best friend was doing the wrong thing. I really didn't agree with him getting into a "relationship" with a girl who, to put it nicely, is easy-going with hopping onto the next guy. First off, I stand firm with not taking advantage of women, which (at least to myself) I think my best friend is doing. He says he saw the best of her and wants to get into a relationship. I called BS on him and said no "sane" man sees the best of a crying, emotional woman (who just went through a messy break-up less than a month ago) as relationship material. I think my friend is being Captain-save-a-hoe, and his thinking is getting clouded. I told him I don't agree with what he's doing, and it bothers my morals enough that I'd end the friendship if he went through with dating this chick. I just cannot stand a guy using a girl. That's not being a man.


Now back to the girl, I never really liked her. What with the emotional unloading and wasting my time (because she obviously isn't breaking the rebound-cycle), I didn't want to associate myself with her. Plus, I really couldn't see me talking to her either (she literally has no hobbies besides boyfriends). So I silently, without drama, took her off my Facebook. I didn't take her off Facebook because I'm immature. I just have a personal thing where I like to keep "friends" on my "friends list". That ways I avoid problems of having d-bags and women I don't like on there.


Next thing I know, my friends are calling me telling me how this girl is calling me out on her Facebook status, addressing me by my full name and saying I was immature. Blah Blah Blah. I ignored it. Facebook drama is seriously retarded.


Meanwhile, it's summer. I'm picking up new hobbies (like photography), hanging out with friends, spending time with the family, and hitting the gym. Just getting on with life. I haven't talked to either of them. The girl thinks I'm the devil for telling my friend not to date her. My best friend thinks I shouldn't make him choose between friendship and the girl. I did however patch things up with my friend, but I found out they're dating now. Whatever, not my burden to carry. I'm not going to spend too much effort convincing him otherwise if that's what he thinks he needs.


But the reason why I'm writing this insanely long thread is because, the both of them are being extremely immature. They're talking behind my back, writing stuff about me on their Facebook (statuses, photos, etc), going to MY friends and talking behind my back, spreading gossip around about how I'm doing all of this "because I wanted the girl and got mad my best friend got her", and basically trying to divide a lot of friendships. I thought I graduated High school?


I know I'm right about the both of them being immature. 110% sure about that. I know the only friends I'll potential lose from this are friends I was going to lose anyways. I know my true best friends understand why I did what I did. I know if my best friend and this girl want to get into a relationship, it's their business and not mine. I just have a big problem with all this unnecessary drama. I also know "this too shall pass", which is why I'm ignoring it.


Anyways, I wrote this to get this shit off my chest. I'm pretty disappointed some people still act like they're in highschool. Go ahead and share your thoughts on this.
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      07-25-2010, 02:41 PM   #2
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You sound like a smart guy (not being sarcastic).
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      07-25-2010, 02:47 PM   #3
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Some people just never grow up. They seem to be stuck in 2nd gear and can't go pass that. I had an ex-gf that (after we became just friends) would bounce from guy to guy. It's like she's afraid of being single. I remember she broke up with her bf of 1 or 2 years and told me all about it. Then about a month or so after she met some dude at a party and they hit it off and started "dating". A about a month after they broke up and she started dating his best friend (HIS BEST FRIEND!!). That lasted for a while and then I don't even know what happened after that cus I stopped talking to her.

She and her friends think they're so mature and this and that but they're not. They act like kids still and it reminds me of high school drama. I know it sucks sometimes because you want to clear things up but I've learned that things have a tendency to work themselves out. You just keep on doing what you're doing and don't waste your time on those kind of things. Eventually they will realize that they are stupid or spreading shit or that they will get fucked over somehow. Either way it's a win for you. Nobody wants/deserves those people in their lives so just cut the crap and move on.
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      07-25-2010, 02:56 PM   #4
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this sounds like high school drama.

just ignore her.
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      07-25-2010, 03:08 PM   #5
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fuck that bitch. your 'friend' is a douche too for talking smack behind your back as well
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      07-25-2010, 03:11 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vanity View Post
I know the only friends I'll potential lose from this are friends I was going to lose anyways. I know my true best friends understand why I did what I did. I know if my best friend and this girl want to get into a relationship, it's their business and not mine.
You said it yourself.

He is being a douche and hypnotized by the girl. Leave them alone, they are going to get even more and more alone, as other people will realize they are retards, don't worry about that.

Live your life, you don't need drama, trust me. Been there done that, and it's not worth it.
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      07-25-2010, 03:11 PM   #7
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In all reality, you can't force someone, friend or not, to not see someone. In all things, you can educate/inform a person, but not force them to decide. Given that, you can't make your friend choose between you and her. You've spoken your part but, ultimately, it's up to him to decide. He already wanted to get into a relationship with her and now has what he wanted. When it doesn't work out, see what he does/says then.

Also......sounds like your friend isn't really a friend, either. His judgement is clouded. Say buh-bye to them both, IMO. He has sunk to her level. It sucks to lose a friend, but move on and enjoy your life.
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      07-25-2010, 03:18 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vanity View Post
So there's this girl. I've only met her at a few parties and didn't really get to know her too much. But, a couple of weeks ago my buddy broke up with her. The girl and I already had a photoshoot pre-planned together, so we had each others number. I called to ask her if she was alright, etc etc.


Next thing you know she dumps an emotional load the size of Mt. Everest on me. Shit that went back to high school and her life tribulations. I didn't like it, in fact, I thought it was kind of awkward to do this to a guy you hardly knew. But I can understand where she's coming from, and I did make the phone call. And because of that, I genuinely tried to help her get back on her feet (emotionally and mentally, that is). I told her to stop getting into relationships because she has a nasty habit of going into rebound, after rebound, after rebound for the past (to my certain knowledge) 3 relationships. It was time for her to get her life back and do stuff she liked. I told her it was time for her to be single and "get on with life".


Anyways, fast-forward through the photoshoot and a whole mess of stuff is happening. She's using my best friend (another dude) as a rebound and I just had issues with that. Plus, my best friend wanted to get into a relationship her also. As a friend, I thought my best friend was doing the wrong thing. I really didn't agree with him getting into a "relationship" with a girl who, to put it nicely, is easy-going with hopping onto the next guy. First off, I stand firm with not taking advantage of women, which (at least to myself) I think my best friend is doing. He says he saw the best of her and wants to get into a relationship. I called BS on him and said no "sane" man sees the best of a crying, emotional woman (who just went through a messy break-up less than a month ago) as relationship material. I think my friend is being Captain-save-a-hoe, and his thinking is getting clouded. I told him I don't agree with what he's doing, and it bothers my morals enough that I'd end the friendship if he went through with dating this chick. I just cannot stand a guy using a girl. That's not being a man.


Now back to the girl, I never really liked her. What with the emotional unloading and wasting my time (because she obviously isn't breaking the rebound-cycle), I didn't want to associate myself with her. Plus, I really couldn't see me talking to her either (she literally has no hobbies besides boyfriends). So I silently, without drama, took her off my Facebook. I didn't take her off Facebook because I'm immature. I just have a personal thing where I like to keep "friends" on my "friends list". That ways I avoid problems of having d-bags and women I don't like on there.


Next thing I know, my friends are calling me telling me how this girl is calling me out on her Facebook status, addressing me by my full name and saying I was immature. Blah Blah Blah. I ignored it. Facebook drama is seriously retarded.


Meanwhile, it's summer. I'm picking up new hobbies (like photography), hanging out with friends, spending time with the family, and hitting the gym. Just getting on with life. I haven't talked to either of them. The girl thinks I'm the devil for telling my friend not to date her. My best friend thinks I shouldn't make him choose between friendship and the girl. I did however patch things up with my friend, but I found out they're dating now. Whatever, not my burden to carry. I'm not going to spend too much effort convincing him otherwise if that's what he thinks he needs.


But the reason why I'm writing this insanely long thread is because, the both of them are being extremely immature. They're talking behind my back, writing stuff about me on their Facebook (statuses, photos, etc), going to MY friends and talking behind my back, spreading gossip around about how I'm doing all of this "because I wanted the girl and got mad my best friend got her", and basically trying to divide a lot of friendships. I thought I graduated High school?


I know I'm right about the both of them being immature. 110% sure about that. I know the only friends I'll potential lose from this are friends I was going to lose anyways. I know my true best friends understand why I did what I did. I know if my best friend and this girl want to get into a relationship, it's their business and not mine. I just have a big problem with all this unnecessary drama. I also know "this too shall pass", which is why I'm ignoring it.


Anyways, I wrote this to get this shit off my chest. I'm pretty disappointed some people still act like they're in highschool. Go ahead and share your thoughts on this.
Why are you friends with him if he is that immature?

I'd end the friendship the second I saw something I didn't like. Best friend or not, it would be out in a second.
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      07-25-2010, 03:20 PM   #9
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Quote:
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Why are you friends with him if he is that immature?

I'd end the friendship the second I saw something I didn't like. Best friend or not, it would be out in a second.
I met him through one of my best friends. When we met we were going through similar troubles with women, and thus, related very well with each other.

It's just I'm focusing on academics now, and he's still into chasing tail.
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      07-25-2010, 03:26 PM   #10
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Quote:
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It's just I'm focusing on academics now, and he's still into chasing tail.
If I may, I think you should try to balance the two. College is probably one of the best (as well as worst) period in your life. Don't just go to college, focus on your classes and graduate because when you look back at it, there won't be much to remember. Of course everyone has different priorities but try not to be all work and no play.
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      07-25-2010, 03:33 PM   #11
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If I may, I think you should try to balance the two. College is probably one of the best (as well as worst) period in your life. Don't just go to college, focus on your classes and graduate because when you look back at it, there won't be much to remember. Of course everyone has different priorities but try not to be all work and no play.
+ 1

I totally understand where you're coming from. But the plan (the hope, I should say) is to go for Medical School. Which means I'm trying to hit an 85%+ average across all my classes. Between school, family, and my personal life, and volunteering, I just don't know how I can possibly fit in a [committed] relationship. Hanging out with friends will always happen, you just have to finish assignments on time instead of putting them off till last minute. But chasing women and wasting time on them and their tribulations just isn't worth it for me, at least not for this coming school year.

I'll always try to have fun though, I can't stand being boring.
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      07-25-2010, 03:41 PM   #12
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If I may, I think you should try to balance the two. College is probably one of the best (as well as worst) period in your life. Don't just go to college, focus on your classes and graduate because when you look back at it, there won't be much to remember. Of course everyone has different priorities but try not to be all work and no play.
i totally agree, i miss undergrad, i graduated in 3 yrs and now wish i took my time to stop and smell the roses
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      07-25-2010, 03:58 PM   #13
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Your a pretty wise guy. Just leave it alone. There are tons of people that hate me, could care less.
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      07-25-2010, 04:07 PM   #14
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Damn dude I feel for you on that. Seen a similar situation before and I just get sick n tired of that shit.
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      07-25-2010, 04:08 PM   #15
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pics of this girl?
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      07-25-2010, 04:18 PM   #16
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pics of this girl?
That reminds me, should I release the photoshoot I did? I'm proud of my first photoshoot, but I think some people might go ape shit if I released the photoshoot.

And Kensta335, the pics I have of the girl are pics I took during the photoshoot. Which means every single flaw she has, has been edited out.
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      07-25-2010, 04:40 PM   #17
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What goes around comes around.

Move on with your life and ignore the childish acts of those two.
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      07-26-2010, 02:50 AM   #18
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That reminds me, should I release the photoshoot I did? I'm proud of my first photoshoot, but I think some people might go ape shit if I released the photoshoot.

And Kensta335, the pics I have of the girl are pics I took during the photoshoot. Which means every single flaw she has, has been edited out.
That's fine with me. Post them!
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      07-26-2010, 09:42 AM   #19
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In all reality, you can't force someone, friend or not, to not see someone. In all things, you can educate/inform a person, but not force them to decide. Given that, you can't make your friend choose between you and her. You've spoken your part but, ultimately, it's up to him to decide. He already wanted to get into a relationship with her and now has what he wanted. When it doesn't work out, see what he does/says then.

Also......sounds like your friend isn't really a friend, either. His judgement is clouded. Say buh-bye to them both, IMO. He has sunk to her level. It sucks to lose a friend, but move on and enjoy your life.
i agree with this. it's better to just provide constructive advice and let the two of them decide what they want to do on their own. if they fail in their relationship for the reasons you provided to them, then they can only blame themselves. people need to learn from their experiences. sometimes you need to let them make their mistakes.
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      07-26-2010, 10:14 AM   #20
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That's fine with me. Post them!
+1, let's see 'em!
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      07-26-2010, 10:15 AM   #21
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It's better you found out now than later. It's funny how you can see who your real friends are. You think someone is cool then bam, you find out they are totally immature.

Good thing you are bright enough to cut your ties.
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      07-26-2010, 10:50 AM   #22
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I LOL'd at her action with the Facebook thing. Kudos to you, OP. I would've done the same. This truly shows that you don't necessary get more mature as you age.

I haven't logged onto Facebook in months and am trying and being more productive and I feel a hell of a lot better about myself. Like you, I'm trying to pick up new hobbies amongst other things.

You're doing the right thing. Move on with your life. If you're a good person, it's their lost, not yours.

Edit: I went through a similar dilemma. I always held the slogan "bros before hoes" with my best friend. But unfortunately he didn't feel the same way. Fast forward...we parted ways. I don't feel bad about it because I was a supportive friend. I just moved on with my life, continue to focus on my academic/future career because at the end of the day....it's every man for himself in this life.
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