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      06-27-2012, 07:07 PM   #45
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I wouldn't get rid of him, but sit down and talk with him (Like you mentioned)

Mention that you two used to be real close, alot closer than you really are now and that it is important to you that he participates in your wedding wholeheartedly.

If he doesn't react, ask him if he even wants to participate as a best man.. ask him if he'd like to be a groomsman instead
^ this. It's so easy for all of us to pile on the guy but we only have one side of the story.

OP, have you even explained to him what your expectations were for being best man? Nowadays, the criteria varies so widely. For example, my brother was my best man, but given that he lived in a different state and that we never were emotionally that close, I never expected that he would organize any events or activities or whatnot. However, I never once thought he was replaceable. It's all about expectations, and obviously you both are on different pages. Time to air it out ...
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      06-27-2012, 07:09 PM   #46
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he's overprotective. His wife is hot, big fake boobs, was an innocent 23 year old virgin when they met (he was 29 when they met)... still.

I don't want to comment on his infidelities. I think we all know why guys get overprotective, because they've had issues remaining faithful in their past and they think their girls will do it too.
I can be over protected at times, it's in my nature

Doesn't mean I allow my women to control me.

Give her an iPhone with Find My iPhone activated so in case she "loses" it you can find it
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      06-27-2012, 07:14 PM   #47
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Fawk that its your wedding... Find someone else
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      06-27-2012, 08:00 PM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schoy View Post
^ this. It's so easy for all of us to pile on the guy but we only have one side of the story.

OP, have you even explained to him what your expectations were for being best man? Nowadays, the criteria varies so widely. For example, my brother was my best man, but given that he lived in a different state and that we never were emotionally that close, I never expected that he would organize any events or activities or whatnot. However, I never once thought he was replaceable. It's all about expectations, and obviously you both are on different pages. Time to air it out ...
good points, however when you are named best man do you expect to just show up to the wedding? Would you not ask or try to find out what you should do? I wanted to get the guys together and had to bug him to help out, would have never happened if I didn't push him. He finally did that and that's all he's done.

It's less about the expectations and more about the attitude. It's not the "uhg dude you know i want to go to the stag party, but the wifes holding me back"... dude i got an evite saying "declined". I gave him shit afterwards and he explained himself but i hate chasing.

Fact that he calls me a groomzilla pisses me off. He lives 3 minutes away down the street, not in another state. Used to hang all the time till he got married. All changed.

Fact is he got married and his excuse is that "i'm a married man, married men don't do these things"... what that really means is "I can't do these things because if I do, i have to let my wife do them and i'm an over protective prick and would rather not do them then let my wife be able to do them". He doesn't want to be a hypocrite.
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      06-28-2012, 01:38 AM   #49
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Fact remains: why have you waited until now to talk to him about it?
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      06-28-2012, 02:48 AM   #50
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Change him, I went through the same process but instead of changing I kept the prick, we now no longer talk, I can't look at the photos without deep regret, one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. It's also caused a rift between me and my friend who should have been best man.
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      06-28-2012, 04:54 AM   #51
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PicassoM View Post
good points, however when you are named best man do you expect to just show up to the wedding? Would you not ask or try to find out what you should do? I wanted to get the guys together and had to bug him to help out, would have never happened if I didn't push him. He finally did that and that's all he's done.

It's less about the expectations and more about the attitude. It's not the "uhg dude you know i want to go to the stag party, but the wifes holding me back"... dude i got an evite saying "declined". I gave him shit afterwards and he explained himself but i hate chasing.

Fact that he calls me a groomzilla pisses me off. He lives 3 minutes away down the street, not in another state. Used to hang all the time till he got married. All changed.

Fact is he got married and his excuse is that "i'm a married man, married men don't do these things"... what that really means is "I can't do these things because if I do, i have to let my wife do them and i'm an over protective prick and would rather not do them then let my wife be able to do them". He doesn't want to be a hypocrite.
man just go there and tell him all this, kick him out of the wedding and thats it.. i dont even know him and i dont like him


somebody should "accidentaly" sent him a link to this thread..
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      06-28-2012, 06:18 AM   #52
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schoy View Post
Fact remains: why have you waited until now to talk to him about it?
things build up and a few things happened over time that got me to this point.

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Originally Posted by MikeyV View Post
Change him, I went through the same process but instead of changing I kept the prick, we now no longer talk, I can't look at the photos without deep regret, one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. It's also caused a rift between me and my friend who should have been best man.
Well they way i see it is that even if I keep him as BM, he's not getting special treatment other than walking with the maid of honor and giving a speech, however a bunch of guys in the wedding party (7 total) will all speak too.

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man just go there and tell him all this, kick him out of the wedding and thats it.. i dont even know him and i dont like him


somebody should "accidentaly" sent him a link to this thread..
Kicking him out is extreme, he doesn't deserve that. Tonight i'll talk to him. He usually has some excuses, but I just have to get my reasons all lined up so they make sense.

He's an emotional/sensitive guy who gets offended really easily. Actually one of the reasons why we've had some small riffs in the past.
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      06-28-2012, 06:53 AM   #53
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Dude, demote the guy but keep him involved in your day. Get your real best mate up there with you and involved in the biggest day of your life.

In the process, your divorcee mate may also get lucky with one of the bridesmaids Thats how you pay a brother back!
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      06-28-2012, 07:44 AM   #54
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Just tell him the main points you've made here in the most considerate way possible. Tell him that you value his friendship and thinks of him as a best friend, that's why you chose him. Let him understand that other people had to and continues to step up because he hasn't been fulfilling the expectations of a best man. And because someone else has put in the work, you should give the honor of the best man to that person, etc. And then go back to the positive things like you value his friendship and all of the good things about him. Always sandwich criticism with praise.
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      06-28-2012, 08:00 AM   #55
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Just tell him the main points you've made here in the most considerate way possible. Tell him that you value his friendship and thinks of him as a best friend, that's why you chose him. Let him understand that other people had to and continues to step up because he hasn't been fulfilling the expectations of a best man. And because someone else has put in the work, you should give the honor of the best man to that person, etc. And then go back to the positive things like you value his friendship and all of the good things about him. Always sandwich criticism with praise.
This
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      06-28-2012, 09:15 AM   #56
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I've been to a lot of wedding, been in a bunch of wedding parties, trust me, it's only going to get worse.

The people who say that you should give him a chance are not as close to the situation as you are, do what you feel, it's your day, your life.
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      06-28-2012, 09:18 AM   #57
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Just tell him the main points you've made here in the most considerate way possible. Tell him that you value his friendship and thinks of him as a best friend, that's why you chose him. Let him understand that other people had to and continues to step up because he hasn't been fulfilling the expectations of a best man. And because someone else has put in the work, you should give the honor of the best man to that person, etc. And then go back to the positive things like you value his friendship and all of the good things about him. Always sandwich criticism with praise.
thank you brotha
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      06-28-2012, 09:22 AM   #58
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a little off topic, but why is it such an issue who the best man is for the person not getting married?
I can't think of a single person for whom I'd want to be best man for or anyone who would die to be my best man.
So long as I'm invited to the bachelor party/have people come to mine and the wedding and not sat on a shitty table, then it is all good
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      06-28-2012, 09:46 AM   #59
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a little off topic, but why is it such an issue who the best man is for the person not getting married?
I can't think of a single person for whom I'd want to be best man for or anyone who would die to be my best man.
So long as I'm invited to the bachelor party/have people come to mine and the wedding and not sat on a shitty table, then it is all good
not following, i'm getting married, he was my initial choice for BM. You get married for the 1st time once You want it to be done right.

2nd time... not a fk would be given.
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      06-28-2012, 11:15 AM   #60
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Just tell him that you see he doesn't have time for the responsibility of being the best man, but not to worry bc you'll give the job to some one else.
this
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      06-28-2012, 02:19 PM   #61
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he's overprotective. His wife is hot, big fake boobs, was an innocent 23 year old virgin when they met (he was 29 when they met)... still.

I don't want to comment on his infidelities. I think we all know why guys get overprotective, because they've had issues remaining faithful in their past and they think their girls will do it too.
Wow.
This is crazy.
If he's not going to throw himself into the party, you really need a new best man.

I have a remorse for best man's job during the preparation but he's got no excuse on the wedding day. He IS THE ONE to keep up with bride and groom if not go way more crazy.
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      06-29-2012, 05:43 AM   #62
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he's overprotective. His wife is hot, big fake boobs, was an innocent 23 year old virgin when they met (he was 29 when they met)... still.

I don't want to comment on his infidelities. I think we all know why guys get overprotective, because they've had issues remaining faithful in their past and they think their girls will do it too.
LOL I can't believe I missed this. Wish we can have pics. I'm guessing she got the fake boobs for him? Otherwise it's kinda unusual for a virgin to get fake boobs.
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      06-29-2012, 02:15 PM   #63
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I think I just watched a movie like this called "Brides Maids"
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      06-29-2012, 10:50 PM   #64
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It's your wedding. Only going to happen once (hopefully) so make it happen how you really want it to happen. Sounds like the guy won't care if you drop him anyways..
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      06-30-2012, 12:22 PM   #65
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P.S. - if your friend is afraid he is going to cheat that means he has cheated, and that is why he is on a short leash. Catch up with him in a couple years, after he gets divorced.
This. If you're worried that you're going to cheat, there is something off to begin with.

OP, if nothing else, the BM is responsible for standing up and giving a speech. For that reason alone, based on the details you've given about the current nature of your friendship, it does not sound sound like he is the best man, so to speak, for the job/role. It is not hard to fathom some awkwardness coming from what he would say. Either way, expect some drama. He probably wouldn't take getting bumped very well. Best of luck. I hope it works out. And, of course, congrats to you and the soon-to-be wifey! Best health and wishes to you both.
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      07-17-2012, 06:52 AM   #66
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change ur bestman. its ur day!!
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