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      12-21-2014, 08:59 PM   #1
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Official Clean Jokes Thread!!

I'll start...

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?







Because it was two tired...
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      12-21-2014, 11:09 PM   #2
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clean jokes?


jokes are suppose to be dirty dude.
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      12-21-2014, 11:15 PM   #3
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Well I figured there should be a thread where people and click on at work and get a little laugh. Hence clean jokes.

Here's another one:

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri tip
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
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      12-21-2014, 11:54 PM   #4
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How do you drown a hipster?

In the mainstream
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      12-22-2014, 10:58 AM   #5
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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?


Nothing, you already told her twice.
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      12-22-2014, 11:07 AM   #6
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what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? a stick
What is bruce lee's favorite drink? wataaaaaaa
what do you call a blonde in a closet? the 1994 USA hide in seek champion
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      12-22-2014, 02:04 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by upstatedoc View Post
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?


Nothing, you already told her twice.
Lol. Not sure if that's clean but lol.
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      12-22-2014, 03:53 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BMW F22 View Post
Lol. Not sure if that's clean but lol.
haha here is a similar one

guy 1: I had to yell at my waitress yesterday

Other guy: why did you do that?

guy 1: She had a black eye I so I knew she was a bad listener
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      12-22-2014, 03:59 PM   #9
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Here are some more:

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

also

On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is Asian, one is Mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The Asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the Mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.

and

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
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      12-22-2014, 04:04 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by upstatedoc View Post
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?


Nothing, you already told her twice.
Ray Rice thinks that's hilarious.
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      12-22-2014, 04:39 PM   #11
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What do airplanes and dyed blondes have in common?


Black boxes
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      12-22-2014, 04:42 PM   #12
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Knock knock

who's there?

little old lady

little old lady who?

I didn't know you could yodel
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      12-22-2014, 04:44 PM   #13
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Lol these are great.


I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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      12-22-2014, 05:47 PM   #14
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I thought this was for jokes about cleaning....

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      12-29-2014, 11:31 PM   #15
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A young guy from California moves to Texas and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah. I was a salesman back in LA.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did. His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

“How many customers bought something from you today?”

The kid says, “one”.

The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day!” He hesitates for a minute, but then asks... “How much was the sale for?”

The kid says, “$101,237.65″.

The boss says, “$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?”

The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.

Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that BMW X5.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a SAV?!?”

The kid said, “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, Dude, your weekend’s shot. You should go fishing.”
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      12-29-2014, 11:37 PM   #16
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^that oddly sounds like personal experience
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      01-02-2015, 05:06 PM   #17
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good one NEFARIOUS
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      01-02-2015, 05:20 PM   #18
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Lol good one. Oldie but goodie.
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      01-02-2015, 05:29 PM   #19
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A DEA agent came to a ranch and tells the rancher "I need to inspect your property for marijuana fields."

The rancher says "No problem sir, but you might want to stay away from that fence over there."

The agent became furious and pulled out his badge, yelling "I am a federal agent. Do you see this badge? This lets me go wherever I want. I think I'll go and see what's behind that fence!"

The rancher agreed and went back inside. A few minutes later he heard the agent screaming and went outside to find his bull chasing the terrified man around the property.

"YOUR BADGE!" he yelled, "SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"
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      01-03-2015, 12:46 AM   #20
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What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster??

A rooster says "cock-a-doodle-do" ...

A blonde says "any c**k will do."
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      01-03-2015, 01:02 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AW335TT View Post
What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster??

A rooster says "cock-a-doodle-do" ...

A blonde says "any c**k will do."
Clean jokes thread bro...clean jokes mothafacking thread!!!!!! Grrrrrrr arrrrggghhhh!!!
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      01-03-2015, 01:04 AM   #22
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What's 5.5" and dark brown?

My dick
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