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      05-27-2012, 12:55 AM   #1
templarklimek
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odd date advice

Gents. I had what I though was an excellent date wednesday night that has now gone south. I wanted your inout please.

About Me: 37 single, decent looking seccesful guy that is a gentlemen to those around me. With women I treat them well until they screw up. If I smell that they are looking for soe kind of guy with "thug" appeal I know right away it's not a match.

This girl(31) and I had much in common. The date was over dinner at a nice Italian place with a nice bottle of pinot noir(180.00 with tip) I only bring up the amount to better flesh out I do my best to take them someplace nice.

Dinner is great, witty conversation, banter, a few hints on her part on what to do on a 2nd date etc. Positive signs we will see each other again. 3 hour dinner, nonstop conversation.

Red Flags:
She mentions she has only been out of her present relationship a few weeks. Red flag for me, it takes me months to want to date again after a breakup. Also photo's on her phone of otherguys she has dated. A few tidbits of info about her that may lend themselves to conclude she may not be as stable emotionaly as she comes off.

I pay valet and she says to what a great night. Great place, great food, great music and of course great company smiling at me. At this point I suggest dinner this weekend. she says sounds great.(wednesday)

Text her late next day about dinner saturday she replies a few hours later saying "sounds wonderful!"(thursday)

Ok so friday I text her I'd be happy to pick her up as my M3 is out of shop ready to drive again. Texts back later "i bet you are glad you have your car back" an evasive answer.

So today I text 4 hrs before date about restaurant choices, 2 hrs before date shes text, "sorry, I don't think we would make it" This coming from a Ron Paul "christian girl" who dated before me a atheist socialist(go figure) I'm a Ron paul guy myself.

I texted her back "ok, take care" I don't beg or ask why anymore I know a women is an iceberg where you only see the tip. Then proceed to delete her number to avoid the sillyness of asking why?

Please help me understand. This hurt my feelings as I though we were a very promising match..
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      05-27-2012, 07:17 AM   #2
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Nice to know the straight world deals with people just as flaky as the gay world. I've had that exact same experience dozens of times. I've had guy tell me what a great time they had, and ask ME out for the next time, only to flake out on me. They often act evasive, and leave me hanging, not knowing if we're on or not. Frankly, it's just rude, and shows a complete lack of respect for the other person's time. I have no problem if we're not a match - I don't take that personally. But when they jerk you around like that, it's more a reflection on them than you.

So don't take it personally.

One piece of advice I would give, tho - unless you're Donald Trump, a $180 dinner on the first date seems inappropriate to me. Might even be a bit intimidating. Just my 2 cents.
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      05-27-2012, 07:47 AM   #3
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Honestly, it could be a million different things. She did say though that she'd been out of her last relationship only for a short time. I imagine that going on a date so soon could have backfired for her and roused up some unexpected feelings. But really, there is no way to tell and it really doesn't matter. The only thing that matters at this point is doing your best to move forward. I love that you deleted her number. Who knows what's going on with her. It may have nothing to do with you.

And yeah, $180 would be intimidating for me. You don't have to things up so much for a first date. Save the $180 dinners for your anniversaries and special occasions. Keep things light.
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      05-27-2012, 08:04 AM   #4
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...........reserved
Time to cash in on my reserved spot......As many have said, don't take the dating game personal. When the right woman comes along you'll know it. I noticed you are meeting them on eHarmony......man you are in Houston and there are many other ways to accomplish this. Hell you would probably fair better having brunch at the Galleria on a Saturday morning. The view is great....and who knows what conversation you might strike up. Also think of dating as you would looking for a job........the key is to network. The more people that know you are looking the better. Use friends and family for sure to aid in your search. Have fun and don't pressure yourself into looking for the right woman. Expensive meals and wine should be reserved for future dates, not first dates. Do something fun on the first date so that you and the woman get to really interact.......no movies!!!......................Phil
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      05-27-2012, 08:11 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinmagic View Post
I have no problem if we're not a match - I don't take that personally. But when they jerk you around like that, it's more a reflection on them than you.

So don't take it personally.

One piece of advice I would give, tho - unless you're Donald Trump, a $180 dinner on the first date seems inappropriate to me. Might even be a bit intimidating. Just my 2 cents.
+1.

Move on, move forward.
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      05-27-2012, 09:12 AM   #6
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hey, better you find out that she's a flake now, rather than later on when you're more invested in her...
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      05-27-2012, 10:44 AM   #7
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Thanks guys,

Dating in the western world seems to be a world turned upside down. If your a loser with tats all over your body, a sideways basball cap, and pant's below your knees and no job, They love you(straight or gay). But if you treat them well, know you are supposed to tip valet, yawn your boring.

I thought it was odd she mentioned just being out of relationship, I can't heal that quickly personally. It took me 6 months to begin to feel ok after the last one.

And yes to avoid the weakness of texting or asking "what did I do wrong" kinda questin I delete all ability to contact.

Ever watch the movie "idiocracy" with luke wilson. It's about a world set a few hundred years in future wear only "dumb" people have had children. Sadly it's coming true. I hired a new guy who kept missing work, causing drama, and then got a nice looking girl pregnant. He quits saying a found a better, awesome job. Trying to sew discord with my men. Naturally a week later he was fired from his new job lamenting why did he quit working for me as it was the best thing he ever had(I loaned him money for down payment on his fancy truck too). But girls/guys seem to love the "loser".. They breed, they don't care about the future. Someone else will pay for them.

I've been "going Galt" for a few years now. Watch/read Atlas Shrugged. It's about men who are taken for granted and used to keep the world/society working. just being used all the time and taken for granted giving up and dropping out. BUT, when that happens we take our productivity, innovation and hard work with us. THEN society will fail..Without us, who pays the taxes for losers to be well fed losers, keeps the lights working, designs the cars, creates employment.

Well, better take my dog for a walk, my only companion.
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      05-27-2012, 11:54 AM   #8
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1. I've spent that much money on a first date and it was a mistake. It gives off a wrong impression of priorities.
2. I used to think girls like "losers" too, but then I realized that the only thing they like about them is their self esteem. Sounds like you're low on it. Take a beginner acting class, it will really help you become more comfortable in your own skin. No joke.
3. 2 dinners in a row don't show much creativity
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      05-27-2012, 12:06 PM   #9
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I'm rather secure in who and what I am.

It was dinner then live music to be exact. Next time I'll suggest skydiving and body piercings for a 2nd date.

Take an acting class? I thought dating was a prelude to a relationship, not make believe.

I've seen dozens of examples of girls with loser guys. They find it exciting and emotionally entertaining to be with them. For many, stable/established equals boring.

Thanks for the positive and useful input.
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      05-27-2012, 01:17 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by templarklimek View Post
I'm rather secure in who and what I am.

It was dinner then live music to be exact. Next time I'll suggest skydiving and body piercings for a 2nd date.

Take an acting class? I thought dating was a prelude to a relationship, not make believe.

I've seen dozens of examples of girls with loser guys. They find it exciting and emotionally entertaining to be with them. For many, stable/established equals boring.

Thanks for the positive and useful input.

I don't mean take the acting class to act like someone else, most of the lessons are about letting go of your inhibitions

and posting a thread about first and second dates advice contradicts being "rather secure in who and what I am.", in my opinion
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      05-27-2012, 08:12 PM   #11
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you are putting way too much thoughts, feelings and money into a first date, bro...
it didnt work out, big deal... just move on and take your car for a good ride, just you and her (your car, not this girl )
i know that's what i would do right now if i were in your shoes !!!

(PS: girls who are attracted to thugs wearing backwards baseball caps are probably not the kind of girls YOU want to date, so forget about them too !)
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      05-27-2012, 11:16 PM   #12
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Your right Frenchdreamer, it's vexing and dissipointing though. Men are logic and reason based creatures. Women are emotion based thus live by a diffirent set of rules. C'est la Vie!
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      05-28-2012, 12:11 AM   #13
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Temp, how're you finding these winners? Switch your dating sources? Move on, though, sounds like she was just stringing you along, that's just rude.

There's plenty of nice girls out there, Texas is full of them.
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      05-28-2012, 10:38 AM   #14
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Eharmony usually. I own a small business with only males employess thus no interaction with any women on a daily basis except maybe a restaurant.

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      07-18-2012, 08:45 AM   #15
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I think you failed on the follow through and came out as boring/lack of self confidence..


"sorry, I don't think we would make it" This coming from a Ron Paul "christian girl" who dated before me a atheist socialist(go figure) I'm a Ron paul guy myself."
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      07-18-2012, 10:14 AM   #16
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Like everyone said, could be many different reasons. One thing for sure though, is not to spend that kind of money on first few dates. Just like I wouldn't buy a random woman a drink unless she invests at least 5 min talking to me first. She just has to earn it...and even if you have the money, being overly nice and giving will often backfire you making you look like a sucker. As the saying goes, nice guys finish last.
If she texts you back for another date, take her to a "special" restaurant 2 hrs away and just leave her there before you order, then text her, "sorry, I don't think we would make it...but hope you can afford your ride back home...sorry for the short notice."
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      07-18-2012, 02:04 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by templarklimek View Post
Gents. I had what I though was an excellent date wednesday night that has now gone south. I wanted your inout please.

About Me: 37 single, decent looking seccesful guy that is a gentlemen to those around me. With women I treat them well until they screw up. If I smell that they are looking for soe kind of guy with "thug" appeal I know right away it's not a match.

This girl(31) and I had much in common. The date was over dinner at a nice Italian place with a nice bottle of pinot noir(180.00 with tip) I only bring up the amount to better flesh out I do my best to take them someplace nice.

Dinner is great, witty conversation, banter, a few hints on her part on what to do on a 2nd date etc. Positive signs we will see each other again. 3 hour dinner, nonstop conversation.

Red Flags:
She mentions she has only been out of her present relationship a few weeks. Red flag for me, it takes me months to want to date again after a breakup. Also photo's on her phone of otherguys she has dated. A few tidbits of info about her that may lend themselves to conclude she may not be as stable emotionaly as she comes off.

I pay valet and she says to what a great night. Great place, great food, great music and of course great company smiling at me. At this point I suggest dinner this weekend. she says sounds great.(wednesday)

Text her late next day about dinner saturday she replies a few hours later saying "sounds wonderful!"(thursday)

Ok so friday I text her I'd be happy to pick her up as my M3 is out of shop ready to drive again. Texts back later "i bet you are glad you have your car back" an evasive answer.

So today I text 4 hrs before date about restaurant choices, 2 hrs before date shes text, "sorry, I don't think we would make it" This coming from a Ron Paul "christian girl" who dated before me a atheist socialist(go figure) I'm a Ron paul guy myself.

I texted her back "ok, take care" I don't beg or ask why anymore I know a women is an iceberg where you only see the tip. Then proceed to delete her number to avoid the sillyness of asking why?

Please help me understand. This hurt my feelings as I though we were a very promising match..
yea, I've had similar things happen. Most of the time it may not have something to do w/ you, they could have gotten back w/ their ex, met someone else, who knows.

the only thing i found odd was it seemed after the first date, you only texted her or talked to her to confirm the next date but was that it? Maybe she wanted more attention than just verifying you were still on and when she didnt get it, she thought you werent for her

bitches be needy homes

Quote:
Originally Posted by pinmagic View Post
Nice to know the straight world deals with people just as flaky as the gay world. I've had that exact same experience dozens of times. I've had guy tell me what a great time they had, and ask ME out for the next time, only to flake out on me. They often act evasive, and leave me hanging, not knowing if we're on or not. Frankly, it's just rude, and shows a complete lack of respect for the other person's time. I have no problem if we're not a match - I don't take that personally. But when they jerk you around like that, it's more a reflection on them than you.

So don't take it personally.

One piece of advice I would give, tho - unless you're Donald Trump, a $180 dinner on the first date seems inappropriate to me. Might even be a bit intimidating. Just my 2 cents.
damn bro, I thought gay guys would have it much easier since you are not dealing w/ illogical beings

Quote:
Originally Posted by SHOWTIME View Post
Like everyone said, could be many different reasons. One thing for sure though, is not to spend that kind of money on first few dates. Just like I wouldn't buy a random woman a drink unless she invests at least 5 min talking to me first. She just has to earn it...and even if you have the money, being overly nice and giving will often backfire you making you look like a sucker. As the saying goes, nice guys finish last.
If she texts you back for another date, take her to a "special" restaurant 2 hrs away and just leave her there before you order, then text her, "sorry, I don't think we would make it...but hope you can afford your ride back home...sorry for the short notice."
lol I did that to a girl in my early 20s, it was awesome but I felt bad... for 5 min
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      07-19-2012, 08:33 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by templarklimek View Post
........Ok so friday I text her I'd be happy to pick her up as my M3 is out of shop ready to drive again. :
Don't know if I'm supposed to take the comment literally, and this is just me so don't lose any sleep over it, but if I'd been the girl and you'd have dropped the "M3" bit, that would have probably given me reason to cancel.

Name dropping just hasn't ever been my thing, and even if you don't think of or intend it that way, it might be the way it comes across.

Just a thought. To me, I've always felt there's a certain stigma associated with driving a BMW or [insert marquee/model of choice] anyway. It's not the cars fault, but an earned rep because of the attitude of certain owners. I really wish the mindset here was more like many in Europe where it's just another car and contrary to popular opinion, your penis will NOT grow 10 inches just because you drive one. lol

Rusty
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      08-09-2012, 04:05 PM   #19
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I'm not a massgonist but I do play one on TV.
Pardon me while I enjoy my tea and pontificate.
Here is what you need to know.
1) Women are bat shit crazy!
2) You my good friend are over thinking this!

1) Women are bat shit crazy!
Here is the story, I've dated this woman in her early 30's twice in three years but now we are just friends with attractions for each other. This woman is educated and has a stable job and from all outward appearances appears to be of sound mind and very nice body. However her words do not match up at all with her actions. Of the years I have known her she has stated time and time again what she wants in a man. The usual lot of understanding, educated, kind, non controlling, trusting and dependable. However this woman with an MBA and a very good paying job seems to go from one controlling, uneducated, non dependable man to another and then wonders why things don't work out and why her friends after a while just shake their heads and walk away in disgust.

Case in point her last boyfriend was what best could be described as not there AKA FUCKTARD! She was rear ended in an accident which resulted in her having a massive seizure and being taken to the ICU. After repeated attempts to get her then boyfriend to come to her side she reached out to me and another one of her friends. We promptly showed up to make sure she was fine and spent the night with her at the ICU. When her boyfriend showed up a day late he threw a fit as to what I and her other friend were doing there. Apparently he was not trusting of both men and women. And her friend and I decided it was best to go thus we left.

A month later she called crying that the reason he didn’t show up was because he was with another woman that night and she broke up with him stating "I'm never going to date another.....bla bla bla."

That was 4 months ago, last night I got a call from her friend Melinda saying "Guess who Marge is with? Another fool. If I ever act like this promise you will kill me Shah?"

Sip of tea ooh that's good tea!
Albert Einstein Quote. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

So from the above is this woman who has an MBA and appears to have her life together bat shit crazy? Aaahhh.....yes!!

=>Are you depressed now? Don't be! Why?
2) You my friend are over thinking this! You have to see this as a long term rather than the short term. You see you are living battle to battle quarter to quarter like some sort of coaked up hedge fund nutter. Dating is not a short term fight, it's long term war!

Look at you! Yeah look in the mirror you sack of shit! Successful well to do well organized driving a nice car eating good food! Now think back when you were 21 were you capable of any of that? FUCK NO! You were piss ass broke looking for $5 to buy a 12 of piss beer! You my good friend have gotten better with age!

To quote the most amazing man I ever knew but have totally forgotten his name and which was recently restated by the hottest of the hot Lady Charlieze
”Men age like fine wine. They just get better with age. And women are like cut flowers, they wilt after a week.”

So she was a bitch and ate your food and accepted your hospitality. OK. So you lost 5 hours of your life and maybe a week of your life in planning.
So fucking what! Do you know what happened to her in that 7 days?
Think!

Still lost?
She got older! She got 7 days older! And in those 7 days a score of young long legged flat bellied perky boobied women turned 21 and entered her dating pool!

Still confused?
OK here it is brother, as a man your dating pool gets deeper and deeper and wider and wider while hers gets more and more narrow as her looks fade away like French bread drying overnight.

To quote the coked up hedge fund brokers "She's a diminishing investment"

Think about it! How much more money did you make in those 7 days Vs how much older she got and how many more women jumped in your dating pool?

Her is what I want you to do, look in the mirror every day and smile! You are a growing investment! You are worth more every day! Your value goes up EVERY FUCKING DAY! Are you working out!? You better be because you need to live a long healthy happy fucking life brother because GOD HIMSELF GAVE YOU A FUCKING DICK AND A DICK IS LIKE ONE OF THOSE LOTTERY'S YOU WIN WHERE YOU KEEP WINNING $1K A WEEK FOR LIFE!

So....here is the question you should ask yourself, who won the battle? And who will win the war?

Now you got that! Now go out with a friend and enjoy the day enjoy your life and if you see a girl you want to FUCK give her a shit eating grin that says "BITCH I'M TOO FUCKING GOOD FOR YOU!"

Now can i get a FUCK YEAH from all the men in this house!
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      08-09-2012, 04:19 PM   #20
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      08-09-2012, 04:21 PM   #21
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I am an alpha male and the rule #1 is do not spend a lot of money on a girl until she gives you what you want (sex, friendship, relationship it can be anything) if possible make her pay her own stuff that makes her know that you are an alpha male and you are not that interested on her. I always fallow that rule and works for me... haha
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      08-09-2012, 04:41 PM   #22
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I think you my friend should be the president of the alpha male club!!
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