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      11-24-2012, 05:53 PM   #1
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Anyone Willing to Review My Personal Statement for UCs?

Anyone want to review my college essay? Proof-reading, suggestions, and questions that come up after reading the personal statement are all welcome.

It will not take long to read (1000 words) and I can use any input I can get. I figure there are many college students/graduates on this board.
Thanks! I'll PM my essay to anyone willing to do me a favor.
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      11-24-2012, 06:39 PM   #2
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NSFW Payment? May entice some people?... lol
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      11-24-2012, 07:18 PM   #3
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just as long as the word BMW is not in your PS you should be fine.

sure, send it over.
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      11-24-2012, 08:11 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by upstatedoc View Post
just as long as the word BMW is not in your PS you should be fine.

sure, send it over.
I'm touching it up. I'll send it in an hour or two.
Thank you so much
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      11-24-2012, 10:29 PM   #5
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pay me to do it. I'm a UC graduate
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      11-25-2012, 02:20 PM   #6
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Can I send everyone some nice NSFW payment and you guys could review my UC essays as well ?
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      11-25-2012, 05:44 PM   #7
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just post it here
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      11-25-2012, 07:13 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veloziROTHTOR View Post
just post it here
I would hate to have someone copy/paste my essay into their application just because a simple google search brought up my essay on e90post
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      11-25-2012, 08:24 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bimmer Nerd View Post
Can I send everyone some nice NSFW payment and you guys could review my UC essays as well ?
Come over tomorrow. Trust me, no NSFW payment required from your ass.






Bring food though.
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      11-25-2012, 08:31 PM   #10
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What a coincidence OP. My brother is also applying for the University of California schools. I'm also helping him with his personal statement. He's applying for the Berkeley, Irvine, Los Angeles, and the Davis campus. Are you applying to all campuses?
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      11-25-2012, 08:59 PM   #11
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my personal statement was kinda weak, but i made the index cutoff so i could have done nothing
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      11-25-2012, 09:27 PM   #12
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i'd be willing to take a look, but first what UCs are you applying to? and what's your hs gpa? and what major?
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      11-25-2012, 10:41 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KwlAznKid View Post
i'd be willing to take a look, but first what UCs are you applying to? and what's your hs gpa? and what major?
Can i send you mine tomorrow ?

I am applying to UCSD, UCSB, UCSC, Irvine, Davis and Berkeley.

3.4 Transfer GPA, Major: Economics.
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      11-26-2012, 12:28 AM   #14
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i'd be willing to take a look, but first what UCs are you applying to? and what's your hs gpa? and what major?
All the UCs (except Merced and Santa Cruz), Physiology/Biology, and 4.5 GPA
Heck, I already submitted.
Thanks to upstatedoc for checking out my draft last night.
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      11-26-2012, 12:39 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bimmer Nerd View Post
Can i send you mine tomorrow ?

I am applying to UCSD, UCSB, UCSC, Irvine, Davis and Berkeley.

3.4 Transfer GPA, Major: Economics.

sure, send it over, my e-mail is my username gmail.com, i am a cum laude graduate from ucsd in econ so u should be right up my alley

Quote:
Originally Posted by Verbatim View Post
All the UCs (except Merced and Santa Cruz), Physiology/Biology, and 4.5 GPA
Heck, I already submitted.
Thanks to upstatedoc for checking out my draft last night.
sweet, congrats, good luck
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      11-26-2012, 02:22 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Verbatim View Post
All the UCs (except Merced and Santa Cruz), Physiology/Biology, and 4.5 GPA
Heck, I already submitted.
Thanks to upstatedoc for checking out my draft last night.
The waiting is the worst part of the whole application process.
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      11-26-2012, 03:07 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Verbatim View Post
All the UCs (except Merced and Santa Cruz), Physiology/Biology, and 4.5 GPA
Heck, I already submitted.
Thanks to upstatedoc for checking out my draft last night.
i'm guessing you got pretty good test scores, you'll probably get in on your uc index score. the essay might get you a scholarship.

i got into uc all. though i was deemed unworthy of a free ride. it's cool, just take it out of my alumni contributions. cornell actually gave me the best deal (i didn't take it, but thanks cornell). and then there's stanfurd and mit which rejected me: live it down. can you believe it? when i went in for my mit interview, the bitch actually answered the door in her pajamas? yeah.

Last edited by amanda hor$t; 11-26-2012 at 03:13 AM.
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      11-29-2012, 04:26 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KwlAznKid View Post
sure, send it over, my e-mail is my username gmail.com, i am a cum laude graduate from ucsd in econ so u should be right up my alley



sweet, congrats, good luck
Sent you an email right now with both of my statements.

Thanks
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      11-29-2012, 06:00 AM   #19
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I'd be happy to review it. I review personal statements for hiring banking officers, and while it isn't the same as a university entrance statement, it still has a lot of similarities.
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      11-29-2012, 10:10 AM   #20
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Quote:
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cornell actually gave me the best deal (i didn't take it, but thanks cornell).
If this is true it would be hard to pass up. Scholarship at an Ivy League school?
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      11-29-2012, 10:57 AM   #21
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If this is true it would be hard to pass up. Scholarship at an Ivy League school?
i shredded all the paperwork, but iirc my total cost (incl living expenses) would have been around $5k/yr. was a just a bit far (and cold), and berkeley's academics lose nothing
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      11-29-2012, 12:29 PM   #22
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i shredded all the paperwork, but iirc my total cost (incl living expenses) would have been around $5k/yr. was a just a bit far (and cold), and berkeley's academics lose nothing
Would you recommend Berkeley over LA? From what I've heard there is unnecessary grade-deflation, and the campus did not seem very sociable when stopped by on a family trip to sf.
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