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      05-20-2013, 10:54 PM   #1
ibarry92
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Update 3: Dating Advice - When to Call the Girl?

I had been talking to this girl in one of my classes for about two weeks. We had about three occurrences of conversations outside of class. First one lasted about five or so minutes. The second being about twenty minutes, and the third five minutes. Otherwise, we talked several times during class. Every time we spoke, she always looked at me in the eye and had a mild smirk on her face. I felt like she was interested in me because she always acknowledged my existence, by saying "Hi, how are you?" first. She always sometimes tapped her foot uncontrollably when speaking to me, almost like she was nervous. I never noticed that when she spoke to anyone else. I also caught her looking into my direction several times. Also, when I asked her questions, she asked the same questions to me and actually wanted to hear in answer. I know this may be just typical for conversations. But I still thought she was interested. Fast-forward last day of class before exams, I asked for her number so we could keep in touch. She seemed happy to give me her number. While she was doing so, she tried sparking small talk saying (all in a happy tone): "Oh my gosh, I'm bad with smart phones," "How long have you had this phone for?," "Are you going to be here next semester?"

Monday, the first day of exams, we exchanged texts:
Me: "Good morning ********. Good luck on your exams. Wish you the best!"
Her: "Good morning! Aw thank you!! You too!!!"
Me: "Btw, this is ******. Lol"
Her: "Lol yea lucky guess!"

Thursday was my last day of exams, so I decided to give her a call. First time I called she answered and replied: "I'm on my way to work, I'll call you back." When she called back I answered and the conversation went as:

Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Her: "Good, thank you. And you?"
Me: "I'm doing well, thanks for asking."
Me: "Do you have a second or are you busy?"
Her: "I'm free."
Me: "Are you still in the process or studying for your exams or are you all done?"
Her: "I'm finally all done. Today was my last exam."
Me: "Congratulations, you must be excited."

*We continue to have a little bit of small talk.*

Me: "Cool, well since you are all done with your exams. I would like to take you out for lunch. "
Her: "Sure, I would like that."
Me: "What do you like to eat, what would you prefer?"
Her: "I'm pretty open to anything."
Me: "How does pizza sound?"
Her: "Great."
Me: "Ok, I know a great pizza place in *****. I'm not sure if you know the place.
Her: "I don't think so; I don't go out much."
Me: Would you like to meet at the restaurant?"
Her: "The only problem is that I don't drive."
Me: "Well thats no problem, where would you like me to pick you up at?"
Her: "Where do you live?"
Me: "************"
Her: "Oh, that is far."
Her: "I'm going to have to meet you somewhere."
Me: "Ok, how is tomorrow or saturday looking like for you?"
Her: "I'm not sure yet, as I just started work and my schedule is shifting around. I'm going to let you know my schedule.
Me: (knowing that she's at work) "Ok, well let me know and I don't want to keep you so long. So i'll talk to you later.

Now this is the problem. She hasn't called me back yet at it has been 3 days, I think. Although, she did respond by text the next day after I called her saying:

Her: "Hey ill be stuck at work all day so I won't be able to make it! Soo sorry but hopefully another day."
Me: No worries. We can always aim for next time. Have fun at work!"
Her: Lol ill try! Hope you have a good day!"
Me: "Thank you "

Should I give her a call so we could reschedule? I know you guys might say that she is blowing me, but I think that she is too shy to want to pursue further. She is a pretty shy girl from what I noticed. And I feel like she is expecting me to go the extra mile and take initiative. Maybe she is ashamed that she does not drive? I mean, I picked a restaurant that was out of her way before finding out that she does not drives. I am thinking that she is interested because why else would she ask all those questions. Any girl who knows that they are going to blow a guy off or cut them off would not go through that process. My question is, even if she is interested...why would she bail out in the end? From the text exchanges alone, I gathered that she is interested because (1) she is not giving me short answer texts (2) she seems enthusiastic. I asked my sister and she told me to give her at least four to five days for a response. I don't want to give up on her. By the way, I am 21 and she is from the Dominican Republic if that helps. Should I pursue? If I do call back, want should I say? "Hey - insert small talk - you got any plans this memorial day weekend? You want to grab lunch together?" I was going to just call her in like three weeks and just see how she was doing, without proposing the whole lunch ordeal. If she denies me a a second time, I'm cutting ties. If I wait to call her back, then I will trying getting to know her more. I am a face-to-face type of guy and do not really like talking on the phone. I wanted to have lunch so we could really get to know each other beyond talking about school related subjects. Did I offer too soon since we did not have much background information about each other? Did I come off too strong? Did she think my intentions were too much, or did she not understand them? How should I go about doing this and not mess up? I don't care that she does not drive, and I want her to understand that and not feel ashamed/embarassed. I think thats the only thing stopping her.

Ladies:
If you were in her position, how would you feel and what would you do? Would you end up calling or texting? Or expect a call or text.

Thanks in advance. Shah bro...save me please? Sorry for the novel guys.

Update

Yesterday, I randomly got a text from the girl:

Her: "Hey *******!"
Me: "Hello. What's up?"
Her: "Nothing much, just got off work. How's your summer so far?"

*We continue to proceed into a long text conversation.*

The conversation topics were school and work related. So, she did decide to contact me back. Even after she denied lunch together. This means that she is still interested. She wanted to spark a conversation hence, why she said, "How is your summer so far?" Knowing that summer literally started a week ago. Now I guess I can proceed to ask her out, using the advice you guys gave me. Or if you all have anything better in mind, please chime in. But I am also wondering why she would reject the lunch offer and still text me back almost a week later. What is her angle? What does she want? The text conversation was long where she included so many exclamation points and really felt comfortable talking to me. She sent me long wall of texts as well, not clear cut answers. This also happened in the evening, so maybe she was thinking about me then? She texted me when she got off work.

Update 2:

After that long text conversation we had, I called her up about two days later. Again, as always, she seemed really interested to talk to me. I asked her if she saw her final grade from the history class that we took together, where I met her, and she said, "yes." She asked me what I got and I told her I had received an A in the class as well as all my other classes. She had also gotten straight A's. Then she insisted that we should "celebrate." Then, that was when I insisted that we should meet up together for lunch. She told me that she might be off early on Memorial Day, and that she would let me know. I also told her, "I remember you asking me where I lived and that it was far. It does not matter where I live. I am willing to drive the distance to come and pick you up. Do not worry about it." I could hear her blushingly say, "Ok, thanks" (Her inner-monologue was saying, "Aww, thats sweet of him.") Fast-forward Memorial day she texted me and it went as:

Her: "Hey *******, i'll be stuck at work till 8. I know it's kinda late, but hopefully we can hang out another day."

Me: It's cool. Just let me know the next time your free. We should do dinner sometime since your off in the evenings.

Her: Bet bett ! (Meaning: sure, done deal. Would love to; lets do that.)

This is the second time she has blown me off. The first time I told her that I wanted to take her out for lunch. She excitedly said, "I would like that." The second I spoke to her on the phone, she insisted that we "celebrate since we both received straight A's. That was when I proposed lunch again, but she was busy at work. Like I said, I do believe her because she did tell me that way before the semester was over that she was going to be working during the summer. Also (I do not really like doing this when meeting new people because I feel like a stalker and I involuntarily end up prejudging them but...) I browsed her twitter page (I am not following her), and she posted "Ugh...no days off of work." So I guess she really is not lying to me.

At this point, I have no idea what to do. I do not want to initiate another lunch/dinner, which will most likely make me come off as pushy and desperate. It has been a week since we last talked by the way. I do not want to let her go, as I feel like there is something special about her. Help.

Thank you very much everyone for contributing to this thread and helping me. I really appreciate it.

Last edited by ibarry92; 06-05-2013 at 12:38 AM. Reason: Update
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      05-20-2013, 11:06 PM   #2
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"...if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party"
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      05-20-2013, 11:11 PM   #3
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Ask her exactly what day she's off. If she beats around the bush, she's not interested. Unless she's working 70 hours a week, I'm sure all her time isn't occupied.

P.S. Hispanic girls are bat shit crazy. Just cut one off recently.

And I have to ask this question...where the eff are the pics?
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      05-20-2013, 11:11 PM   #4
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She wants the d



But seriously.. Sounds like shes interested... Text her in couple of days just to say hi...
Then call her a few days after and ask her to go out. You got this!
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      05-20-2013, 11:40 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sasha1015 View Post
She wants the d



But seriously.. Sounds like shes interested... Text her in couple of days just to say hi...
Then call her a few days after and ask her to go out. You got this!
right on the money .

If you text her again, make sure you refer to her as "mami."

Hispanic women love that ish.
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      05-21-2013, 12:40 AM   #6
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she is not sure if she is interested (which is a bad thing)

and you should have insisted on picking her up..
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      05-21-2013, 12:52 AM   #7
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Say how does X or Y time sound and I'll pick you up and take you home.

Obviously with the possibility of taking her to your home that night
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      05-21-2013, 08:34 AM   #8
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What's up with all the dating assistance threads popping up lately?
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      05-21-2013, 08:54 AM   #9
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i dotn think she's interested , but if she is she might be busy with her new job so give her some space. just text her with short sentences and see how she replies.. When she feels comfortable with you she will ask you out.
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      05-21-2013, 09:24 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panicos81
she is not sure if she is interested (which is a bad thing)

and you should have insisted on picking her up..
Exactly ! Insist on picking her up ! Make her feel comfortable and that you don't mind even if is far ... Play it cool don't be discouraged if you don't hear from here in a few days just wait a lil longer and then text her again guarantee she is thinking of you too and when you will texting her again she's the girl you gotta take charge over here
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      05-21-2013, 09:41 AM   #11
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and you should have insisted on picking her up..
made yourself seem like a lazy bum that can't go out of your way for a woman. What is she going to get her mommy to meet up with you somewhere to drop her off?

Quote:
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What's up with all the dating assistance threads popping up lately?
Lot of people trying to get laid, but not working out for them I guess
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      05-21-2013, 09:49 AM   #12
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What's up with all the dating assistance threads popping up lately?
I thought this thread was a spoof on all the other ones....
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      05-21-2013, 10:01 AM   #13
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Mike: So how long do I wait to call?

Trent: A day.

Mike: Tomorrow.

Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.

Trent: Yeah.

Mike: So two days?

Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.

Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.

Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money. What do you think?

Sue: Yeah, but two's enough not to look anxious.

Trent: But I think three days is kind of money. You know because you...

Mike: Yeah, but you know what, mabey I'll wait 3 weeks. How's that? And tell her I was cleaning out my wallet and I just happened to run into her number.

Charles: Then ask her where you met her.

Mike: Yeah, I'll ask her where I met her. I don't remember. What does she look like? And then I'll asked if we fucked. Is that... would that be... T, would that be the money?

Trent: You know what. Ha ha ha Mike, laugh all you want but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.

Mike: Well how long are you guys gonna wait to call your babies?

Trent, Sue: Six days.
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      05-21-2013, 10:09 AM   #14
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-You shouldn't have suggested lunch. Lunch is an opportunity to get friend-zoned. Ask if she wants to have dinner or something where you can interact together in a more romantic setting.

-Maybe she's nervous. Suggest that you both go out with some friends for drinks one day. It gives you both the opportunity to hang out together, but still have some security with having friends there. Another huge way in is if her friends like you. At that age she probably cares more about what her friends think of you than how she actually feels. If her friends give you the seal of approval then you're usually in.

-Pick up on signals- Does she play with her hair when talking to you? If you are talking in a group does she face you or angle her feet towards you? Does she turn away and laugh a lot when you talk to her? All those things suggest that she is interested in you and/or that shes nervous when talking to you (a good thing).

-Any sort of physical contact is good. It can be as simple as a high five or lightly pushing her arm when you make a joke. Don't grope her or do anything inappropriate, but physical contact between you both is good.

-Maybe she really did have to work? At this point you have nothing to lose. Don't text her every hour on the hour, but if you haven't spoken in a few days, call her up and ask her out again. Be direct and forward. Don't be pushy or annoying.


-If you're texting her- Use smiley faces. I'm not kidding when I say this, but it makes a huge difference. Joke a lot and use the or :P afterwards. Another thing I've picked up on is at night if you're texting, "night" and "good night" are completely different. It sounds stupid, but I always say "good night" if I'm talking with a girl. Usually, when I struck out with a girl it was met with "nite" or something short. The best thing that can happen is that she thinks about you before she goes to bed.

-Don't play games. You're not in high school anymore. If you want to hang out with her, then ask her. Don't be pushy, but be upfront and confident.

-Simply put: confidence, humor, and directness go a long way. Don't second guess yourself, don't try to show off and ultimately be yourself. If you want it to go anywhere she's eventually going to figure out who the real you is. It's better she find out now rather than later.
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      05-21-2013, 12:20 PM   #15
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You definitely had her hook, line and sinker but never bothered to reel her in. Way too passive and – as others have said you should have insisted on a meetup. Because I'm bored at work let's do a play-by-play:

Me: "Good morning ********. Good luck on your exams. Wish you the best!" (you sound like her girlfriend)
Her: "Good morning! Aw thank you!! You too!!!"
Me: "Btw, this is ******. Lol"
Her: "Lol yea lucky guess!" (good sign. She doesn't just give her number to anyone and knew it was you)

Me: "Hi, how are you?" (boring way to start a text)
Her: "Good, thank you. And you?"
Me: "I'm doing well, thanks for asking." (Seriously? Thanks for asking??)
Me: "Do you have a second or are you busy?" (don't give her the easy out with unnecessary questions)
Her: "I'm free." (ok, well, you dodged a bullet. She's into you.)
Me: "Are you still in the process or studying for your exams or are you all done?" (unnecessary question, this isn't a job interview)
Her: "I'm finally all done. Today was my last exam." (but she's still interested!)
Me: "Congratulations, you must be excited." (now you sound like her father)

Me: "Cool, well since you are all done with your exams. I would like to take you out for lunch. " (still weak, but at least you're finally moving past academics and showing some assertiveness)
Her: "Sure, I would like that." (This is control tower. You are clear for landing.)
Me: "What do you like to eat, what would you prefer?" (don't put the ball in a girl's court for the first date, especially a shy girl. They want you to make the decisions. Asking questions and constantly forcing her to make decisions will plant seeds of doubt in her mind)


Her: "I'm pretty open to anything." (This is control tower, if you didn't receive the last transmission let me repeat you are clear for landing. Pick your runway. They're all open.)

Me: "How does pizza sound?" (did you forget the part where she said "I'm open to anything?")

Her: "Great." (Control tower here. If you don't want to land the plane feel free to parachute. Whatever is convenient for you. There's no wrong move here. Crash land if you like.)

Me: "Ok, I know a great pizza place in *****. I'm not sure if you know the place. (Unnecessary text sprinkled with seeds of doubt. Go for the kill.)
Her: "I don't think so; I don't go out much." (All runways open. Lights at full brightness.)
Me: Would you like to meet at the restaurant?" (What???? At this point you are begging her to change her mind or back out. Of course she wants to meet you.)
Her: "The only problem is that I don't drive." (Hmm, she didn't disclose this barrier when she seemed really into you)
Me: "Well thats no problem, where would you like me to pick you up at?" (At this point you've officially delegated the plans to her. Disaster. Fuel at zero and you're running on fumes.)
Her: "Where do you live?"

Me: "************" (A better answer: "Don't worry about it, I'll pick you up at 7:30")
Her: "Oh, that is far." (This is what happens when you plant seeds of doubt.)
Her: "I'm going to have to meet you somewhere." (She's waffling and completely unsure. From now on don't give her any more decisions to make)
Me: "Ok, how is tomorrow or saturday looking like for you?" (Welp)
Her: "I'm not sure yet, as I just started work and my schedule is shifting around. I'm going to let you know my schedule. (This is a nice way of saying thanks but no thanks)
Me: (knowing that she's at work) "Ok, well let me know and I don't want to keep you so long. So i'll talk to you later. (This is tower. We have lost all contact. No sign of life on radar)


Ok, you failed to close a sure thing and took way too long doing it. When a girl tells you she is down for a date and "I'm pretty open to anything," that's your indication to pick a place and set the time. If the time doesn't work she will tell you. If she sounds like she has a busy schedule give her two nights to pick from. Whatever you do don’t leave it open or task her with making the plans.

I know you think it's nice to saturate her with pleasantries ("I'm doing well, thanks for asking") and make sure she's cool with every detail of the date (are you free tomorrow?, how does this restaurant sound?, do you like Italian? ) but girls respect confident guys over timid ones who are afraid everything they say or do might be wrong or offensive.

The rest is just ugly:

Her: "Hey ill be stuck at work all day so I won't be able to make it! Soo sorry but hopefully another day." (Sounds like a nice way of saying hopefully you'll move on)
Me: No worries. We can always aim for next time. Have fun at work!" (you sound like her father again)
Her: Lol ill try! Hope you have a good day!" (she sounds sweet, you should have taken her out)
Me: "Thank you (Unless you're being funny or ironic emoticons are lame. Avoid them. The key to mmahany's advice is use them with jokes. I'd still be careful and prefer to avoid them)



You dug yourself a pretty big hole, but because she seemed so interested at the beginning I would give it one final shot. Wait a day or two and send a simple text. Something like:

"I need help deciding my memorial day plays. Let's grab a bite tomorrow at this cool place I found. What time will you be off work?"

See that? No open questions. No boring pleasantries. If she's not interested she'll ignore you or come up with a lame excuse. Then you'll know it's time to move on. Otherwise she'll tell you what time she gets off work or that she's off. Then tell her the time you'll pick her up. If she asks where you're taking her be vague and tell her not to worry about it. It's okay to be playful or flirtatious. Mystery is good.
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Last edited by Judge; 05-21-2013 at 12:26 PM.
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      05-21-2013, 12:35 PM   #16
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^I like this guy
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      05-21-2013, 12:48 PM   #17
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New rule: Any new dating threads require a pic.
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      05-21-2013, 12:53 PM   #18
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Is this serious?
All derp derp.. is this the new aspergers/socially/romantically clueless norm?

You are being too nice/respectful which is not giving a clear enough signal for her to act on, so she may refer to her own insecurities (you mention she worked and asked where you lived).. and in the end nothing happens because she perceives you as being only vaguely interested in her, and she probably has other shit going on in her life no time for pointless derp derp romance
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      05-21-2013, 01:11 PM   #19
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      05-21-2013, 02:39 PM   #20
Templar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MP0WER View Post
I thought this thread was a spoof on all the other ones....
Maybe... Anyone asking shah for legit advice is either really dumb or trolling.
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      05-21-2013, 02:46 PM   #21
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Judge - well put!
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      05-21-2013, 03:10 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by sasha1015 View Post
She wants the d



But seriously.. Sounds like shes interested... Text her in couple of days just to say hi...
Then call her a few days after and ask her to go out. You got this!
Yep, first thing that came to mind was she wants the pipe. Shoot her a couple casual yet funny texts over a few days then hit her up with an old fashion phone call a couple days after that if it seems her interest in you is growing. GL
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