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      08-02-2013, 10:09 PM   #67
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been playing Super Mario on the Wii with my son.

got to the bitch bowser that throws circles at you with her stupid wand...

after 40 minutes I still couldn't pass it.

wife grabbed the controller and passed it on her second try - FML.

walked all the way to the computer and found this thread just so I could post this - FMLx2.
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      08-03-2013, 05:40 AM   #68
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Yesterday was the first day in 2 years that I actually lost money playing golf. No big amount, but losing 70 bucks on small bets.

So, today, my plan is "WINNING". I'm gonna go out and kick some ass.
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      08-03-2013, 08:55 AM   #69
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Toothdoc thinks losing $70 is no big amount, but it is a small fortune to me. FML
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      08-04-2013, 08:11 PM   #70
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FML, I lost yesterday again at golf. This time it was only beer and hotdog, but a loss is a loss!

And today, I went golfing and got the shanks again! I haven't shanked my irons in YEARS literally and now I can't get rid of them.
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      08-06-2013, 09:17 AM   #71
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Woke up this morning feeling great, winked in the mirror, and took a nice hot shower. 15 minutes after, I had to go #2. FML.
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      08-06-2013, 09:32 AM   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Billup View Post
Woke up this morning feeling great, winked in the mirror, and took a nice hot shower. 15 minutes after, I had to go #2. FML.
dude - duece first, then shower......

where was your dad to teach you these things !?!?
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      08-06-2013, 09:36 AM   #73
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ToothDoc View Post
FML, I lost yesterday again at golf. This time it was only beer and hotdog, but a loss is a loss!

And today, I went golfing and got the shanks again! I haven't shanked my irons in YEARS literally and now I can't get rid of them.
You're psyching yourself out. Get really loaded before golfing again. It'll work. I'll send you the bill.
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      08-06-2013, 11:34 AM   #74
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Litos View Post
dude - duece first, then shower......

where was your dad to teach you these things !?!?
Damnit man, I didn't have to poo before I got in!

It snuck up on me like Jackie Chan in China Town.
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      08-06-2013, 11:38 AM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Billup View Post
Damnit man, I didn't have to poo before I got in!

It snuck up on me like Jackie Chan in China Town.
i've been tricked one too many times.

i sit there and poop even if my body is telling me it doesn't need to.

i win every time
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      08-06-2013, 11:44 AM   #76
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I guess I should be more proactive and take your advice and just pop a squat and instigate the expulsion.

Definitely a mood changer after a nice steamy shower. I thought about taking another shower, but since it was a no-wiper I figured I'd be alright for the rest of the day.
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      08-06-2013, 12:19 PM   #77
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reading about a "no wiper", FML.
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      08-06-2013, 12:31 PM   #78
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Quote:
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reading about a "no wiper", FML.
those are the good one.

since your entire colon comes out with the girthiness of the poop, it doesn't make a mess.

the pain quickly turns to pleasure.......
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      08-06-2013, 12:38 PM   #79
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Litos View Post
those are the good one.

since your entire colon comes out with the girthiness of the poop, it doesn't make a mess.

the pain quickly turns to pleasure.......
I anticipate a clean entrance into the water, much like an Olympic diver. That's when you know you got a good no wiper.
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      08-06-2013, 12:52 PM   #80
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I'm not complaining, i'm just jealous because I'm having splatter plot shit and I swear the more I wipe the more shit shows up. FML
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      08-06-2013, 01:02 PM   #81
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      08-06-2013, 01:08 PM   #82
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Last night the wife was cooking at the stove (like a good wife does) I *thought* I smelled albondigas. Snuck up, sucked on her shoulder to give her goose bumps and tell her my belly loved her.

Turns out the pot only had beans.

FML
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      08-06-2013, 01:26 PM   #83
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkc View Post
I'm not complaining, i'm just jealous because I'm having splatter plot shit and I swear the more I wipe the more shit shows up. FML
Sounds like you need to beefen up your fiber intake!
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      08-06-2013, 02:00 PM   #84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UncleWede View Post
Last night the wife was cooking at the stove (like a good wife does) I *thought* I smelled albondigas. Snuck up, sucked on her shoulder to give her goose bumps and tell her my belly loved her.

Turns out the pot only had beans.

FML
ALBONDIGAS !!!!!!!!

my favorite meal growing up as a kid in the trailer park....

grandma threw it down HARD !!!!!!
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      08-06-2013, 03:37 PM   #85
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Billup View Post
Sounds like you need to beefen up your fiber intake!
Fiber is well taken care of since I'm chinese and we are known to eat a lot of rice. The problem is the extremely hot and humid weather, the occasional drinking, and occasional funky chinese food I feel is the culprit.

I have experimented with eating "guilinggao" which is basically tortoise jelly or turtle jelly and is quite popular in Hong Kong. My best way to explain it is that it bear hugs the shit and slides it down in one piece lol. If I eat that jelly once a month, I'm golden. Once I stop or forget then splatter plot and then endless wipe.
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      08-06-2013, 04:26 PM   #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nkc View Post
Fiber is well taken care of since I'm chinese and we are known to eat a lot of rice. The problem is the extremely hot and humid weather, the occasional drinking, and occasional funky chinese food I feel is the culprit.

I have experimented with eating "guilinggao" which is basically tortoise jelly or turtle jelly and is quite popular in Hong Kong. My best way to explain it is that it bear hugs the shit and slides it down in one piece lol. If I eat that jelly once a month, I'm golden. Once I stop or forget then splatter plot and then endless wipe.
PB & TurtleJay a day keeps the anus doctors away!
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      08-06-2013, 05:42 PM   #87
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Litos View Post
my last few FML's were so miniscule and so off the radar, that it's not even fair to post them.

my life is awesome.

i have a smoking hot skinny wife with awesome tits - my kids are beautiful and healthy - i make twice the national average in income - my parents are still alive and together after 40 years - i sit at "work" and post on 5 different car/motorcycle forums - i own 2 Challengers - have a nice home - and my wife cooks in her panties pretty much every single day

example: my last FML was yesterday when my wife didn't put enough "butter" on the popcorn at the movies just before we sat down to watch Despicable Me 2.

the second FML was when my wife accidentally woke me up from my 4 hour Sunday nap on the couch by playing Animal Kingdom on the 3DSXL.

i tell ya - my life is too easy, ya'll......

...BUT, if i have any FML moments, i'll be sure to post them up.....
^Need pics.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Litos View Post
brojob and brodown is essentially the same thing.

every once in a while, you gotta hook one of your bros up.

if he's sad, feeling down or not having a good day, you gotta let him know you care by giving him a brojob or just letting him hit that shit.

it's what bros do.....
^No pics.
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      08-06-2013, 06:21 PM   #88
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Have to go #2, only person home... Reach for the toliet paper and realize there is no more in the bathroom and the closest roll is in the closet down the hallway...

FML
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