None of those options are entirely 100% safe:
A hand wash is only as good as the attendants diligence in drying the car.
A touchless wash depends on stronger detergents that can strip the wax off the paint.
I've done the handwash and I still get microscratches
Our paint really is soft.
Best practice if you have to depend on carwash places is to treat your car with sealants like zaino or klasse. They provide a layer of protection.
I have zaino on my car now and do follow up monthly washes with the detailer (Shimshimhada). Fortunate enough to have him located nearby.