Its a phone compatability issue defo, nowt to do with your network. I'm on O2 as well BTW.
That's the main reason i've stuck with sony erricson for 6 years now, they work 100% spot on with BMW Bluetooth.
All texts appear in the car (along with the entire phone memory of texts) as soon as your phone gets a new message. Pity you can't reply via the i drive!!
Nokia lost the plot for me a few years ago....
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