(Apologies to anyone who may find this post at all offensive. Viv)
Gordon here, if you didn't already f*cking-well know.
I've told Viv to get his ar*e out of here, as I've got a few f*cking things to say.
Right, there isn't any blo**dy nice way of saying this, so I'll 'Just Do It', as those f*ckers responsible for the Nike adverts keep telling me.
UK5 Meet: Saturday April 26 -27th, Buxton
Let me simplify for you, using a nice, f*cking example:
Let's say you'd f*cking booked into one of my f*cking restaurants & decided not to f*cking turn up, then I'd be pretty f*cking p*ssed off- oh yes- very, VERY f*cking p*ssed off.
So f*cking p*ssed off, I'd send the f*cking 'Crazed Croatian', Sergei, to f*ck you up. That's just for f*cking starters- we haven't even reached the main-f*cking-course yet. As for the pudding, you wouldn't want to f*cking-well know. Believe me.
Now, looking at UK5, it seems like a lot of individuals have showed some f*cking indication that they'd be coming to the meet.
Personally, I hate those f*cking cars. Expensive, sh*te build quality, rattle like f*ck & that iDrive- technology that makes a f*cking nuclear reactor easier to use. As for the navigation system- I get more sense out of a £99 f*cking TomTom. Bl**dy f*cking sh*te audio system as well- 6FL may as well be 6-F*cking Lame.
For me, it's Audi- love those f*cking beauties.
Now, as I know what that Viv's like- quiet as f*ck & won't say 'boo' to anyone, I'll put his thoughts into a few simple words for you.
If you're coming to the meet, then f*cking say so.
If you're not, then just say so...oh...and f*ck-right-off.
If you end up coming, want to stay over & haven't f*cking said so, then you can f*cking kip with Carlos, for all I care. Lovely lad, BTW.
I know there's a few f*ckers working on UK5, trying to make sure it goes well. If I were them, I'd have said 'F*ck this' a long f*cking time ago.
Right, I've had enough of this. Time I got on with the Victoria sponge I should have f*cking started this afternoon.
Any complaints? You know what to do- f*ck off.
Gordon
(The vast majority of this post cannot be attributed to Mr Ramsay, probably)