FinnVette, I realize this may be an expensive route to pursue, but maybe not. Have you tried an auto recycling company like Bavarian Auto Recyclers? I had a few bad experiences with them in the past, because they are not very organized, but that may be your best bet. See how much it would cost to get a used E90 330i ECU.
The only problem you may have with reflashing the ECU in the US or acquiring a US ECU is that it may have different features than the ones in Europe.
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