[smoosh]

Originally Posted by Ultimateone

How old are you and are you currently in the dating scene?

Relevance of my age to anything I've said?

I don't date for career / personal (non-religious) reasons. But yes, I do meet women in real life frequently, and go on "dates."

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by bimmette

His dating history is quite well known here. He started out a skinny, clueless kid and used to ask for girl advice here on OT. Now that he has since gotten an education and bulked up at the gym, he has confidence and approaches chicks easily. Doesn't hurt that he's very tall.

There's more to it than that.

Edit: by the way, I can't tell you how many times women have felt intimidated by height and shut down completely. Like I said, it's deeper than that. Same goes for outgoing / not outgoing. You put in effort and make adjustments.

[aozer]

Originally Posted by smoosh

There's more to it than that.

Edit: by the way, I can't tell you how many times women have felt intimidated by height and shut down completely. Like I said, it's deeper than that. Same goes for outgoing / not outgoing. You put in effort and make adjustments.

but you have no idea what its like to be short and unattractive. i think your views on dating would be quite different if you had to try to meet women without being able to live up to their superficial requirements.

im 5'9" and i cant tell you how many times ive had women on tinder who wanted to meet up with me and then asked me my height the day of the meet up and then stopped responding to me immediately after.

[CTinline-six]

I will agree with the idea that dating is more difficult in the adult world after college. It really depends on your environment though.

I'll use myself as an example.

Dating for me in college was difficult, mainly because I had a busy work schedule, a full class schedule, and I commuted. Most people met through living on campus with other people. With all that in mind, it was still easier to approach women on a college campus since you had something in common such as being in the same class, walking to the same building, etc. The bottom line is you had more access to people, and just had to approach them.

In the working world it is a bit different. At my job, I work with a group of school districts as an IT Coordinator for a technology company. I travel around to a few different districts where I have offices. Most of my job consists of dealing with administrators and teachers who are quite a bit older than me. The only time I might run into a teacher about my age who might be single, I'm in her class assisting with technology. Not exactly the most non-creepy way to approach someone. I've actually had more luck meeting people through friends' parties, or in random places like a store.

So the bottom line with the adult world is you have less access to people, and you need to both find them and approach them. Not everyone has the guts to approach random people. The first time I did it I completely forgot what I was going to say, but it gets easier with practice.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by aozer

im 5'9" and i cant tell you how many times ive had women on tinder who wanted to meet up with me and then asked me my height the day of the meet up and then stopped responding to me immediately after.

Fuck'em. There is a reason why a lot of those women on dating apps who put "6ft or don't talk to me" are still single. Their standards are too high and they are too full of themselves. 5'9 isn't exactly short (I'm 5'10"), and I have a few friends who are 5'6-5'7 and they do very well with women. 5'8-5'11 is usually average height. You can help your confidence by working out, and how you carry yourself when you walk has a big influence on how people see you.

[Ultimateone]

Tinder is hilarious as so many people put their heights on it...

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by aozer

but you have no idea what its like to be short and unattractive. i think your views on dating would be quite different if you had to try to meet women without being able to live up to their superficial requirements.

im 5'9" and i cant tell you how many times ive had women on tinder who wanted to meet up with me and then asked me my height the day of the meet up and then stopped responding to me immediately after.

Men and women both have superficial requirements.

But you've also just proved my point. With online dating apps like Tinder, you get kicked to the curb because of something as utterly ridiculous as height. Would that happen in person? Probably not, assuming you've peaked the person's interest. Would a 5'8" chick say, "he's 5'9", that alone's a deal breaker" in person? Not likely. But it happens frequently on Tinder. That's one of the reasons why online dating should be a last resort, not first resort, because it takes superficial requirements to the absolute extreme.

To each their own man. When I'm talking to someone and I hear them say, "I can't do this because of this, or can't do that because of whatever..." It's the end of the conversation. I tell them to get the fuck out of my view. Making excuses like, "I'm not tall enough," "not attractive enough," "super duper shy..." Just stop. I have buddies in the military who've had limbs chopped off and I see them in the gym every single day doing everything a fully-limbed person is doing, AND more...I have buds who have combat-related PTSD, yet they manage it by putting in the work...I have short friends, below 5'7", who are some of the most likeable dudes I know, and naturally attract women...I have friends who speak English as a second, third, or even fourth language, yet I never hear them say, "girls don't like guys who speak broken English"...I have buds who are, to put it bluntly, not attractive, yet they're the most loyal dudes I know, and women can sniff that from a mile away, and look at these dudes through the whole person concept, not just attractiveness of face....

You have to deal with the card you're given in life, and make the most of it man. Improve your weaknesses (just because you're not six foot whatever isn't an excuse to get fat as hell...just because you're shy isn't an excuse to not learn how to communicate effectively...), and perfect your strengths.

If you think any of these guys got there, i.e., overcoming their weaknesses, by saying, "I can't do this because of XYZ," you're wrong...they got there because they stopped feeling sorry for themselves, and saw their weaknesses as motivation to push themselves to be better than others...

[CTinline-six]

One thing that seems to be a common theme in this thread is a lack of confidence. This is something that most girls admire and ironically the biggest thing guys have trouble with.

Very few of us are immune from lacking confidence, it is because many of us care about what others think. I struggled with this quite a bit during college and have learned from it. One of my friends is a fitness trainer, and he is probably one of the most confident people I know. While he is in very good shape now, he used to be very skinny (I still kind of am) and is 5'6".

He taught me some things you can do to improve your confidence:

1. Accept reality. Accept who you are, and instead of dwelling on some of your short comings, try to improve the things that aren't genetic. The hardest critic of you is yourself (I'm guilty of this). Give yourself some credit. We all own BMWs, so it is very unlikely that we are deadbeats with no job and no future, which is definitely something we have going for us. Improve your style, your attitude, and try to be positive.

2. Work out. Not only will it help your physical appearance, but it releases chemicals in your body that reduce stress and make you feel good about yourself.

3. Stop living off social media. People are so concerned about comparing themselves to other people, and there will ALWAYS be someone out there who is better than you at many things, the difference is recognizing that and keeping it from bothering you. I only use Facebook to message family and friends who live far away, that's it. Scrolling through feeds is bad. Once you eliminate that from your life you start recognizing what you have to offer.

4. Stop watching porn. It makes you idolize women sexually and put them on a pedestal. It also lowers your drive to actually go out and approach them. Instead of putting them on a pedestal, put them on a dental chair (Kramer from Seinfeld reference). The idea is to think of them as equals so rejection is less of an ego hit.

5. It's a numbers game. If you approach 5 women and all of them reject you, then you will feel the odds are 100% against you. Approach as many as you can, not as an act of desperation, but to expose yourself to more people and increase your chances. In the online world this means more messages. This will also make approaching people feel more like a game instead of a panic attack.


For me, I worked on the above (and still do) but a public speaking class during school also helped immensely. If you have an opportunity to take one I highly recommend it, since it will definitely boost your confidence.

[nyalpine90]

so dating has become like one of Tom Cruise mission impossible movies.

[Turkish Pickle]

Replying to a few here and myself, of course I can't say anything about how stuff works when you're older or even not living in a college campus, I just haven't had that experience yet.

As for the whole compliments thing even linking it with #metoo, really, it's not an issue people LOVE to be complimented (not attention seeking). People are understandably pissed about being objectified. If you approach someone and ask if they like Kanye or not and then build up to compliments, they'll be all ears listening to your questions and "rewarding" with a compliment goes a long way.

If you go up to someone and say "holy shit girl what that ass do" then yeah of course you're going to be in deep shit especially in today's climate.

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

Replying to a few here and myself, of course I can't say anything about how stuff works when you're older or even not living in a college campus, I just haven't had that experience yet.

As for the whole compliments thing even linking it with #metoo, really, it's not an issue people LOVE to be complimented (not attention seeking). People are understandably pissed about being objectified. If you approach someone and ask if they like Kanye or not and then build up to compliments, they'll be all ears listening to your questions and "rewarding" with a compliment goes a long way.

If you go up to someone and say "holy shit girl what that ass do" then yeah of course you're going to be in deep shit especially in today's climate.

i disagree...she be ready to show u

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Not everyone is as outgoing as you. Easier said than done.

Yes - some of us are introverts and like to hide at home.

[Blackjacks]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

One thing that seems to be a common theme in this thread is a lack of confidence. This is something that most girls admire and ironically the biggest thing guys have trouble with.

I can't agree more with this actually! I live in Las Vegas, a city filled with Showgirls, dancers, and women who make a living with their bodies.

What you see in movies is true how they get evaluated, and if they do not meet a certain BMI they are fired. They are hired as a waitress/model, or hostess/model so they can get let go if they let go.

Confidence is everything. My brother is a cop here and taught me the lesson of confidence in a major way. I went on a ride with him and we ran into a bunch of Showgirls from Jubilee at Bally's.

The Showgirls that work there are all minimum of 5'10 with the longest legs you've ever seen. I watched as one of the guys my brother works with crashed and burned trying to get them to go to coffee later that night.

My brother literally walked right into the belly of these smoking hot dancers and was like...."o.k so are we going to Starbucks later tonight or what?" I was like dude...you can't do that!! And every single one of them were like OMG...that sounds like so much fun..and damn it, we went to Starbucks later and I'll be damned, all of them were there.

You have to have some bait on the hook which comes to your looks, clothes, and how you smell, but they are not everything. I learned a ton from that one experience, and the confidence my brother showed when we went to Starbucks.

I tried it myself a couple of months later which was SO out of my comfort zone, and what do you know...it worked!! I'm now married to a woman WAY out of my league and guys hit on her right before my face because they don't think a guy like me is with someone as smoking hot as her!

[Mr.SugarSkulls]

Originally Posted by Blackjacks

I can't agree more with this actually! I live in Las Vegas, a city filled with Showgirls, dancers, and women who make a living with their bodies.

What you see in movies is true how they get evaluated, and if they do not meet a certain BMI they are fired. They are hired as a waitress/model, or hostess/model so they can get let go if they let go.

Confidence is everything. My brother is a cop here and taught me the lesson of confidence in a major way. I went on a ride with him and we ran into a bunch of Showgirls from Jubilee at Bally's.

The Showgirls that work there are all minimum of 5'10 with the longest legs you've ever seen. I watched as one of the guys my brother works with crashed and burned trying to get them to go to coffee later that night.

My brother literally walked right into the belly of these smoking hot dancers and was like...."o.k so are we going to Starbucks tonight or what?" I was like dude...you can't do that!! And every single one of them were like OMG...that sounds like so much fun..and damn it, we went to Starbucks and all of them were there.

You have to have some bait on the hook which comes to your looks, but they are not everything. I learned a ton from that one thing, and how my brother treated them when we went to Starbucks.

I tried it myself, and what do you know...it worked. I'm now married to a woman WAY out of my league and guys hit on her right before my face because they don't think a guy like me is with someone as smoking hot as her!

You sir, give all men around the world hope.

If an ugly mofo such as yourself can land a hottie of that magnitud, lord only knows what a good looking man with confidence such as myself will marry.

[Blackjacks]

Originally Posted by Mr.SugarSkulls

You sir, give all men around the world hope.

If an ugly mofo such as yourself can land a hottie of that magnitud, lord only knows what a good looking man with confidence such as myself will marry.

O.k I'm not that ugly, but I'm not Jamie Dornan either.

I met my wife at the gym actually and it took a long time before I had the guts to ask her out. We just happened to always be at the gym at the same time, and finally one night I was like o.k live or die...lets do this!.

My wife has smoking hot girlfriends, a couple are fitness models, and one's a go go dancer at one of the biggest night clubs in Vegas, and you would be shocked how many of them never date.

Guys are so intimidated by them and think they are already taken that they don't get approached. If you have just a bit of game, most importantly you make them laugh, and a little bit on the looks part, you'd be shocked who would go out with you.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by Blackjacks

O.k I'm not that ugly, but I'm not Jamie Dornan either.

I met my wife at the gym actually and it took a long time before I had the guts to ask her out. We just happened to always be at the gym at the same time, and finally one night I was like o.k live or die...lets do this!.

My wife has smoking hot girlfriends, a couple are fitness models, and one's a go go dancer at one of the biggest night clubs in Vegas, and you would be shocked how many of them never date.

Guys are so intimidated by them and think they are already taken that they don't get approached. If you have just a bit of game, most importantly you make them laugh, and a little bit on the looks part, you'd be shocked what you can who would go out with you.

What did you say to her at the gym?

[Mr.SugarSkulls]

Originally Posted by Blackjacks

O.k I'm not that ugly, but I'm not Jamie Dornan either.

I met my wife at the gym actually and it took a long time before I had the guts to ask her out. We just happened to always be at the gym at the same time, and finally one night I was like o.k live or die...lets do this!.

My wife has smoking hot girlfriends, a couple are fitness models, and one's a go go dancer at one of the biggest night clubs in Vegas, and you would be shocked how many of them never date.

Guys are so intimidated by them and think they are already taken that they don't get approached. If you have just a bit of game, most importantly you make them laugh, and a little bit on the looks part, you'd be shocked who would go out with you.

I know exactly what you mean as far as how many of these "9/10s" don't date (I work in the music/television industry)


^^would also like to know how you finally broke the ice

[Soul_Glo]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Disagree.

If your compliment is, "Hey, you have beautiful tits. I'm Stupid; and you are?" then, yes, there might be an issue with complimenting.

If your compliment is, "You drink beer?! That's so awesome!" then, yes, again, there might be an issue with complimenting.

If your compliment is stated AFTER already having introduced yourself, and is, "It's refreshing to meet someone who values _____ so strongly," then, no, there should not be an issue with complimenting.

It's not complimenting that's the issue, it's being braindead and giving the first compliment that comes to mind that's an issue.

I agree. One must willingly divert the blood at that point to avoid saying something stupid.

[Blackjacks]

Originally Posted by bimmette

What did you say to her at the gym?

My wife use to be a fitness competitor at the time we met, and was shredded. I (unlike now) was not in the best shape but getting there. The first time we met, we both reached for the same barbells at the same time.

I looked her right in the face and was like....o.k I know it's going to be hard, but I'm going to need to have you try and not stare at my guns while I'm working out as it looks like you clearly have NO clue what you're doing.

She laughed so hard she sprayed the water in her mouth everywhere.

That broke the ice and every day we exchanged pleasantries, as we both worked out roughly the same time daily. I just tried to make her laugh.

It took nearly three months before I had the guts to ask her for her phone number as I couldn't stop thinking about her. I just decided to go for it and literally followed my brothers lead.

I put my plan into motion and was going to make an effort to see her and say something funny. However my plan backfired and we made contact and I caused her cell to go flying across the gym.

I blushed so bad my plan went out the window. I chased her phone down and said...o.k you better give me your number so I can call you later just to make sure I didn't damage your phone...safety first!

She said NO, why don't you give me your phone and I'll put my number in it that way you don't have an excuse to not call me.

I could hardly contain myself as I couldn't believe what she just said. I gave her my phone and she handed me hers and told me to put mine in hers.

I went home and about two hours later was like fuk it, I'm calling her and I'm so glad I did. She answered the phone and treated me like I was the hottest guy in the world and told me she was shocked I actually called her.

She told me she lost count of how many guys would ask for her number and then never call her.

From that point forward I treat her like a queen, and do all I can to make her laugh daily and tell her how smoking hot she is!!

Women love a guy who can make them laugh and are confident.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by Blackjacks

My wife use to be a fitness competitor at the time we met, and was shredded. I (unlike now) was not in the best shape but getting there. The first time we met, we both reached for the same barbells at the same time.

I looked her right in the face and was like....o.k I know it's going to be hard, but I'm going to need to have you try and not stare at my guns while I'm working out as it looks like you clearly have NO clue what you're doing.

She laughed so hard she sprayed the water in her mouth everywhere.

That broke the ice and every day we exchanged pleasantries, as we both worked out roughly the same time daily. I just tried to make her laugh.

It took nearly three months before I had the guts to ask her for her phone number as I couldn't stop thinking about her. I just decided to go for it and literally followed my brothers lead.

I put my plan into motion and was going to make an effort to see her and say something funny. However my plan backfired and we made contact and I caused her cell to go flying across the gym.

I blushed so bad my plan went out the window. I chased her phone down and said...o.k you better give me your number so I can call you later just to make sure I didn't damage your phone...safety first!

She said NO, why don't you give me your phone and I'll put my number in it that way you don't have an excuse to not call me.

I could hardly contain myself as I couldn't believe what she just said. I gave her my phone and she handed me hers and told me to put mine in hers.

I went home and about two hours later was like fuk it, I'm calling her and I'm so glad I did. She answered the phone and treated me like I was the hottest guy in the world and told me she was shocked I actually called her.

She told me she lost count of how many guys would ask for her number and then never call her.

From that point forward I treat her like a queen, and do all I can to make her laugh daily and tell her how smoking hot she is!!

Women love a guy who can make them laugh and are confident.

That's awesome! Thanks for sharing
And yes, a sense of humor is what I look for first!

[///M Power-Belgium]

Originally Posted by Mr.SugarSkulls

Colombian girl I'm meeting up with on Thursday

That oversized ass will destroy your i8 seats !

[Mr.SugarSkulls]

Originally Posted by ///M Power-Belgium

That oversized ass will destroy your i8 seats !

Hence why my face was a better seat anyways