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That was Awkward
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08-21-2014, 06:17 PM | #46 |
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08-22-2014, 05:22 AM | #49 | |
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08-22-2014, 10:26 AM | #52 |
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This may or may not have been mine or my friends story.
"I havnt shared this story with many people, but here goes: I was working as an apprentice in a trade a long time ago. I was working at an upscale highrise condominium renovating a top floor unit. Unfortunately there were no washrooms in the unit installed at the time and no public washroom on any level except the ground floor (I was on the 26th floor). The night before going into work I had to take a shit, but I was to lazy to get out of my bed and fell asleep. The next day while taking a shower I kinda felt like I had to shit but i disregarded it as I was going to be late for work. At the time i had a needy girlfriend who would always mgs me at work/throughout the day. Before Lunch time hit I really had to shit, but I was already on the 26th floor and I wanted to wait till lunch to go down. Lunch passes and a foreman comes to the unit asking me how my day is. I update him and tell him I have to use the washroom, he tells me he wants to look around the unit and will talk to me later. It must have taken me 5min just to get to the elevator. I kept having to stop and clench my asshole so tight because i thought i was going to explode in my pants. Anyway I manage to get to the elevator and I can hear my foreman coming as well. Him and I wait for the elevator but all i can think about is how badly I want to shit (its about 3pm now). The next part is vague in my mind.... I think I farted and a bit of shit came out which lubricated my asshole and I was unable to hold the full load in anymore. I turned the corner from where the elevator was and grabbed the first door I could, I went inside this pitch black room slammed the door behind me, pulled down my pants which seemed to all happen in one motion and explosive shitted. As soon as that happened I heard the elevator ring and my foreman saying "What are you doing the elevator is here???", I said "just take it down ill go by stairs!" (he didnt know what just happened). Anyway Im stuck inside a room which is pitch black thinking "are you fucking kidding me right now" . I took out my blackberry (was a long time ago as i said) and used the light to check to see where the fuck i was..... I was in the garbage chute room. I could see where I shit on the wall and it was literally 3 feet high. I used my socks to clean me up and threw them down the chute. I used the elevator to get down to ground floor which stopped on every fucking floor, causing the smell in the elevator to become unbearable. I ran to the public washroom but someone was in there (was a personal handicap washroom). My foreman gets out of the washroom and was like "where the hell were you" I just brushed it off and said "was just checking something" and went into the washroom. I literally had a shower in the sink using the soap and all the toilet paper to dry me off. I couldnt go back to work as my pants still did smell so I told him a story of why I had to go home and he allowed it. Drove home as fast as I could and jumped in my shower. Remember I had a needy girlfriend? She was messaging me the entire time saying "hello?" "why arnt you mgsing me" "hello!?!?". So after my shower I just called her and told her the truth... she picked up and the first thing she said was "why the hell havnt you been mgsing me" I said "listen babe I shit my pants at work and couldnt mgs you till I got home and showered"... she was silent for what seemed to be minutes and just said "what". I responded with "I...shit..my..pants..at..work..". She laughed and couldnt believe it. Anyway, the whole night I was scared shitless of what would happen... surely they have cameras and would be able to find out who caused the mess. Anyway long story short is there were no cameras (I checked).. I think because it was an elderly inhabited building they just thought some old guy had an accident. And thats the story of how I shit my pants at work. It was awkward."
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08-22-2014, 10:41 AM | #53 | |
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08-22-2014, 10:42 AM | #55 | |
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08-22-2014, 11:07 AM | #57 | |
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you won with your incredible fail Your shitty day made me feel much better about myself.
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08-22-2014, 01:25 PM | #58 | |
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08-22-2014, 05:55 PM | #60 |
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This was my first (and hopefully only) time having stomach flu... I woke up at least 7 times to either puke or think I'm going to crap myself, but only get massive farts several times throughout the night ("fart that cried shit", like "boy who cried wolf")... I'm light-headed, dizzy, nauseous, and with almost no sleep, I'm exhausted with a massive headache. I tried to call in sick, but the dumb-as-a-stick manager was only made one out of seniority, not merit. Since it was the 2 of us that day and she had "a lot of important things to do", she threatened to fire me if I didn't go (I was 19, living paycheck-to-paycheck and didn't know about "wrongful termination lawsuits").
So another first (that I can at least recall): Falling down a flight of stairs... I scratched myself up and bruised my head, but I marched on. Not knowing that the stomach flu meant you can't eat/drink normally, I stopped at 7-Eleven and quenched my massive thirst downing a 32-oz bottle of Gatorade like The Fox and got a sandwich, then took ALL my mental focus to drive to work. Not even 5 minutes later, I stoped at a restaurant, but my body didn't even want to wait 2 seconds to reach the toilet, so most of the red Gatorade went all over the floor... So awkward part #1 was trying to leave with a straight face. I finally stumble into work looking like a zombie; my face was pale and still banged up... No "good morning", no "how are you feeling"; she puts me straight to work and tries to say I'm putting on an act. WHAT. THE. FUCK? After 3 more "fart who cried shit" incidents (7th time in total), I figured the 8th one was just that and walked 5 feet to the back entrance to let 'er rip instead of 200 ft to the restroom. Welp, let's just say my 3rd 1st time of the day (since I was at least a toddler) was shitting my pants... Awkward moment #2. So Femnazi is FINALLY convinced I'm sick, I stumbled back to the restroom to clean myself up, stuffed my clothes in a bag and surrounded my "situation" with a black garbage bag. Awkward Moment #3: She decides to try (and fail) to give me some dignity (but also threatened me if I didn't comply). After waiting in the bathroom for 20 minutes, she finds the only thing that'll probably fit: A FRICKIN' SKIRT. Floral drawstring skirt. REALLY?!? I'd take it... If I was a girl, or if I didn't have to walk 1/4 mile to the employee parking lot on the other side of the plaza, but she wasn't taking no for an answer, nor did she want to take the $20 I offered her to go to the Ross in the same plaza and buy me a set of pants... I eventually called my friend to buy a set.
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Last edited by NEFARIOUS; 07-27-2016 at 01:56 AM.. Reason: Made it a bit more engaging |
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08-22-2014, 06:27 PM | #61 | |
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10-28-2014, 02:56 PM | #63 | |
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10-28-2014, 03:29 PM | #65 |
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I was working on an NT4 server after hours for a company as a consultant. I got to know the office lady who organized my visits with their needs for services. They had something faster than the 56K modem I used at home.
She walked into the office while I was surfing pron with her 2 teen daughters in tow. I couldn't close the IE6 window quite fast enough. I didn't send them a bill for that time, and returned the key. |
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10-28-2014, 04:17 PM | #66 |
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Glad this came back up!
I know we all have battled extreme sleepiness during a staff meeting at one point or another, this one was the worst for me. So, I work as a record producer outside of work and we had a rather very late session the night before til about 3am. I'm going on about 4 hours of sleep and we have a staff meeting smack dab in the afternoon after I just had my lunch. It was a perfect storm, just had some bomb ass tacos and horchata and the content of the meeting was an update on Federal Regulations and compliance, extremely boring complex stuff. I'm in that zone were you doing anything and everything to keep your eyes open. Trying to think of funny and exciting things to keep me going, nothing is working and I'm going to lose this battle. What happens next? I fell into a micro sleep (a sleep so sudden that you didn't know you even fell asleep) and somehow I awoke with "MMMMMmmmmmmmm" sound out of my mouth almost like moaning during pure silence in the room! My heart began PUMPING with adrenaline as I came to and realized what just transpired. The person speaking paused to ask me if everything was okay and I nodded like yea, go on as though I had been paying attention. My coworkers now have a running joke when they see me and say "MMMMMmmmmm" LOL |
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