[Bunnny]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

I am going to upset the women in this thread.

The marriages I have seen work best are where the woman clearly feels the man is a leader. They will never admit to it because it is sexist but the moment a woman feels like you are not "in control and in charge" she starts to doubt you, this leads to indecision and conflict. Like I said, this will upset the women here. But I have seen it.

Now this doesn't mean the man calls all the shots and makes all the decisions, but it means the women has faith in the man to pull the family in the direction it needs to go and get the big calls right.

Fire away.

*pew! pew!* lol...

I actually agree with you. A man's (or strong partner's) containment
allow us to feel safe, and grow/flourish. It encourages us to be our best, and if the relationship metrics are proper, it all gets returned accordingly.

[DETRoadster]

"Do whatever you want" with respect to buying that flashy new sports car does NOT mean what you think it does.

[3.0L]

Marriage is based on trust.

So, be trust worthy.

[p0p]

Do it wrong the 1st time and she will never ask you to do it again

Don't like doing the dishes - Leave food or soap all over
Change dippers - get s**T everywhere
Laundry - change whites to blue or red

im sure you guy can come up with more. Trust me she wont ask again

[G30M]

i bought brand new wheels once (actually insurance paid)

my wife went on school run

later i saw all 4 wheels had mega scrape marks

"what happened?"

"what?"

unfortunately my main concern was that i had to take it back to the wheel shop for alignment that day ...

still married

[sygazelle]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

"Do whatever you want" with respect to buying that flashy new sports car does NOT mean what you think it does.

So true. When she says, "fine", that doesn't mean what you think it does either.

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by sygazelle

So true. When she says, "fine", that doesn't mean what you think it does either.

Fine = Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional.

(Had to look that up )

[sygazelle]

In August, my wife and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary. So, I guess I've got some experience on this topic. But, I don't really have any specific advice other then the cliche-ridden stuff such as treat each other like you would a friend, don't go to bed mad, respect one another, be trustworthy, feel like you are lucky to have her and mean it, think of her as a true partner in every way, including assets.

Regarding the last point, I read about guys who whine about what their failed marriage cost them. It could be that that very attitude is what contributed to the failed marriage. I know this comment will not sit well with some of you, but that's okay. In my case, we saved money in a joint bank account for 3 years before we got married. Our goal was to have money never be the reason for an argument. My wife had a really good job and made way more than I did while I was finishing college. She helped me get through college and grad school with no student loans. When I graduated, I was lucky enough to have a career that paid pretty well so when we had kids, we decided together that she would be a stay-at-home mom until the kids were out of the house. I never once treated her like I was the breadwinner. It's not likely, but if we were ever to separate, I'd have zero problem splitting our assets evenly. OP, this approach may not work for you but it certainly has worked for us.

[Kolyan2k]

Never marry your cousin ))

[eluded]

Don't get married

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by sygazelle

I know this comment will not sit well with some of you, but that's okay.

I couldn't withstand

[Hegge]

Originally Posted by TheWatchGuy

Rule #1 is to never admit defeat.

You may be wrong and she may be right, but dont let her win. Dont say "you were right", instead say "You were not wrong".

I need to try this.

[floridaorange]

Stumbled upon this, it's actually pretty damn good advice:

The comment section also serves as a good warning to unmarried men out there.

I am really glad that for the most part, my wife is very disciplined and watches what she says. She's got pretty high standards, but overall, she's a pretty cool wife I think. We have been happily married for 12 yrs together 16, and I'm still as in love with her as I was in the beginning. There are moments that we argue, but neither of us enjoy that so we really try to limit arguments in general. I'm definitely lucky. My wife has her masters degree and was a bikini model when I met her, sorry I'm not posting any photos.

[coonz]

5th wife. I guess I still haven't learned my lesson

[floridaorange]

5th?!

I'm not sure whether to congratulate you on not being a quitter or not? On a serious note - how many of them was it for the best and how many do you think you should have stuck it out?

[dradernh]

Originally Posted by F32Fleet

In some ways you're marrying your mother in law because your girlfriend will turn into her despite her best efforts not to.

A good buddy passed this piece of advice on to me very early. The irony is that he was not only right but that his relationships always turned into cataclysmic disasters. I'm talking about very attractive women deciding that after him they were joining those things that back in the day they called "feminist collectives"!

Anyway, that was 50 years ago and while some things never change, what I've learned from my own experiences is this: do your best to keep it simple and behave like a responsible adult. IOW, the very basics. That'll take anyone quite a ways if they want a relationship that stands the test of time. Ours has been going strongly since 1976.

[flybigjet]

If you're married, you'll laugh.

Then you'll cry.

https://m.facebook.com/ehbeefamily/v...66837591/?_rdr

(You don't need a FB account to watch)

[premier3is]

Originally Posted by G80M4

i bought brand new wheels once (actually insurance paid)

my wife went on school run

later i saw all 4 wheels had mega scrape marks

"what happened?"

"what?"

unfortunately my main concern was that i had to take it back to the wheel shop for alignment that day ...

still married

This actually hurt to read. Wheel scrapes are the worst.

[coonz]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

5th?!

I'm not sure whether to congratulate you on not being a quitter or not? On a serious note - how many of them was it for the best and how many do you think you should have stuck it out?

Man that's a tough question. It felt right at the time. I guess I have to say, the fifth is THE one!

[OkieSnuffBox]

I think the most important thing is to be clear up front about big issues like religion and children. I'm not religious and don't think I could stand to be with someone who thinks that way.

For example, I made it very clear to her that absolutely did not want children. That she wasn't going to slowly change me over a few years and guilt me into having kids I don't want. And that if she was sure she wanted kids, we should end it now. She said she didn't and things went on fine. We had been together for 3.5-4 years before we got married and were married for almost 5.

She took a job traveling where she was always gone Mon-Thurs, sometimes Sun-Thurs, and occasionally when they had their meetings at company HQ it could sometimes be a Mon to Thursday of the FOLLOWING week. She was teaching classes and helped with a sales for a LARGE hair care brand. She was a hair stylist with a BA in Marketing and double major in Business.

So she was always the center of attention and staying in nice hotels, so coming home to our modest home no longer excited here. I didn't care for now having to constantly take care of the animals, yard, and house by myself. And she started sleeping around on while on work trips even though she wouldn't admit.

She asked for a divorce, I happily said yes, and was moved out within a few weeks. Told her to refinance the house in her name and it was hers. We very specifically bought a house we could easily afford one salary.

This was the summer of 2015, she was still trying to contact me as late Christmas 2020 telling me she missed me and made a mistake, blah blah.

[BMWCCA1]

Lived together for 5-years, then married for 41-years. Still married. I'd have to say the 5-years living together told us both just about everything we needed to know about each other prior to making the decision to marry.

[Joe T]

we've been married 27 years last week. mostly good.

My wife's grandfather gave some advice right before we got married that was better than everything else we heard.

"It's easy to get a divorce, and hard to stay married. But only you know if you're the person who takes life the easy way"

another key to our success is that we waited to have kids. We had 7 years to decide who we were as a married couple before we (she really) decided to bring others into the home. Because of this we never really struggled financially, sure there were tight times, but where many arguments in a marriage are finances, we've not had one of those.

and lastly, I'm an easy going person. I made a decision in my life early, as a teenager actually, is it more important to be right or to be happy? and overwhelmingly I decided on happy. We've not had arguments where I was right and she was wrong over things that ultimately didn't matter.