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BMW 3-Series (E90 E92) Forum
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Eddie's own joke thread...
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05-30-2010, 12:33 PM | #67 |
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After a long day at the office, doing the shopping and picking up the kids, I called my wife, "Super Woman".
"Aww, thanks love," she replied. To which I said, "Sorry a slip of the tongue, I meant Supper, Woman."
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05-30-2010, 12:34 PM | #68 |
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My friend got caught having sex with a dwarf.
Dopey fucker.
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05-30-2010, 12:35 PM | #69 |
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Whats Brown and sticky?
Alistair Darling's wet dream.
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05-30-2010, 12:35 PM | #70 |
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My wife said to me, "I wish I had a pound for everytime that you are nasty to me."
I replied, "Looking at the size of your arse, I think your wish has already come true."
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E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
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05-30-2010, 12:36 PM | #71 |
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The wife came home and announced, "I've got some good news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" I asked. "I'm leaving you," she said. "Are you deaf, as well as fat?" I said, "I wanted the bad news."
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E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
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05-30-2010, 12:37 PM | #72 |
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And one for William
My wife yesterday accused me of being a pervert!
I nearly choked on my gimp ball and dropped my cup of shit
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05-30-2010, 12:38 PM | #73 |
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I've just finished my anti-homophobia course.
I'm being entered for the exam.
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05-30-2010, 12:39 PM | #74 |
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My doctor has just prescribed me a dose of anti-depressants...
...which I'm not happy about
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05-30-2010, 12:40 PM | #75 |
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I was being chatted up in a bar in Bangkok recently and she said, "Take me back to your hotel and I'll show you how I put on a condom using only my mouth."
I said, "You'll put a condom on my cock using only your mouth?" She said, "I guess I can do yours as well."
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E92 M3, Jerez Black, Fox Red Novillo, 19'' M Double Spoke, folding mirrors, lumbar support, front seat heating, PDC, USB, DAB, EDC, Bluetooth, Logic 7, High Gloss Shadowline, big smile
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05-30-2010, 12:44 PM | #76 |
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I've renamed the title of this thread
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...
... ... DMS Remap Review ----- Quaife LSD Review ----- Hartge Antiroll Bars Review ----- Bilstein PSS10 B16 Ride Control Review ----- Detail by ShineOn ----- Paintshield Review |
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05-30-2010, 12:44 PM | #77 |
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My wife and I are going out with some of her friends tonight and I have to say, I'm so excited that I can hardly contain my sarcasm.
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05-30-2010, 12:46 PM | #78 |
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Thanks Tone!
I broke up with my girlfriend last night. Crying her eyes out, mascara streamed down her face as she buried her head in my chest. It was devastating. I had my favourite white shirt on.
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05-30-2010, 12:47 PM | #79 |
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My wife caught me in bed with my mistress yesterday.
I protested, "Look, she means nothing to me." Thankfully, my mistress believed me.
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05-30-2010, 12:48 PM | #80 |
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I got lucky yesterday and ended up having a one night stand with a woman I met at the 80s night at my local nightclub.
It cost me a fucking fortune in lubricant though, and I broke her hip replacement.
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05-30-2010, 12:49 PM | #81 |
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Nobody uses bee's wax on their furniture anymore.
Another job taken by the Polish.
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05-30-2010, 12:50 PM | #82 |
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I asked my South African mate if he had a grudge.
He said, "Yes ... ... it's where I keep my car."
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05-30-2010, 12:51 PM | #83 |
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My wife's running in a 'race for life' today.
It's 10 miles and I've hid her inhaler.
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05-30-2010, 12:51 PM | #84 |
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I found myself in no-man's land earlier.
Or "the kitchen", as it's otherwise known.
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05-30-2010, 12:52 PM | #85 |
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Why do women have fewer accidents on the road than men?
Because they spend half their time driving on the pavement
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05-30-2010, 12:54 PM | #86 |
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My wife died suddenly of a heart attack at the bottom of our stairs.
My mates all said I would have trouble getting over it but I've found that, if I put one hand on the bannister and one on the wall......
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05-30-2010, 12:55 PM | #87 |
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My wife recently discovered I was dyslexic when I ejaculated on her cafe.
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05-30-2010, 12:59 PM | #88 |
24 cans in a case, 24 hours in a day Hmmmmmm
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I was in the pub the other day telling that old joke about "What do you do if you see an epileptic have a fit in the bath? Throw in your washing!"
We were all having a good laugh about this when someone tapped me on the shoulder and said "Excuse me mate but I dont find that funny. My brother was epileptic and he died in the bath during a fit." I said "Im ever so sorry mate, did he drown?" "No" he said "he choked on a sock"
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